Managing 5 year old while breastfeeding.

[LeafySuburbs]

My five year old is a nightmare while I am feeding 4mo. Now he's on school holiday, it's gone from some feeds with this problem to EVERY feed.

He will try to cuddle up to me, grab hold of the baby's head in order to kiss it, stand over me staring at my boob, climb along the back of the sofa behind my head, prance in front of the TV so I can't see it, go into the kitchen and raid the cupboards because he knows I am pinned to the sofa. He has even thrown toys at me while I am feeding the baby.

I don't know what to do with him. He has been talked to about the sofa climbing and baby grabbing, about mummy needing some personal space while feeding the baby, he has a sticker chart for this and is trying but can't seem to help himself.

To make matters worse, the baby is now squiggling and hitting me through every feed. Can I do anything about that?

I feel like I'm being assulted by both children through every feed!

He's doing all this because he's feeling neglected. He wants the attention he used to have and he's going to take time to adjust to the new status quo. Whether he is neglected or not is irrelevant because that's how he feels. You can't expect him to feel as delighted about the baby as you do!

He needs something nice to happen for him while you're feeding the baby. A special toy that he really really wants to play with only when you're feeding (Lego special thing or any other special toy that doesn't require any 2 handed adult input).

You could make him feel special by asking him to do little jobs for you to help with the baby.

Put the TV on for his benefit rather than yours and/or talk to him while you're feeding. (maybe consider letting him watch it only when you're feeding the baby?).

His reaction is entirely understandable. He's not doing it to annoy you- he's anxious and wants reassurance that you still love him. He is old enough for you to talk to him about such things- tell you when you are tired, tell him that you still love him even though you now spend time looking after the baby. He can understand that and if you dialogue with him you will find out a lot more about how he's feeling. Obviously he cannot hurt you or do other silly things but you do need to have a chat with him about what's really worrying him and work out what he would really really like enough to be "good" while you're feeding.

Bringing up 1 child is easy- the real parenting begins when you have to start managing the relationship between and juggling several children.

One last thing: if he wants attention, he will do anything that works! He's found that being naughty works, so he's gone from occasionally being naughty to always being naughty during feeds. Giving him positive attention, talk to him while you're feeding or distract him so he doesn't get into that vicious cycle and harmony should reign again.

I had worked out he was after attention, good or bad.

When the baby was born we bought him a nintendo DS and a few games, thinking he could use it while baby was being fed. Unfortunately, he has little interest in it preferring more active stuff. What he really likes is company. He would rather have someone to talk to or play with than any solitary toy!

Totally agree with duchesse.

I have similar age gap - what worked for us was making dedicated time for DS that he knew about

hmmm, it's tricky.

you say he's active, what about setting up a game on the settee by the side of you?
this might be easier if you have a coffee table.

then you can play the game with him while you feed the baby.

i'm thinking Snap, or a jigsaw, or a board game, or an educational game, that kindof thing.
you can even set up drawing/colouring.

make sure that you get a drink for you both, or healthy snacks while you play: it might hold him off from being annoying for a while.

Try to have something ready in a box, maybe, so if you're caught on the hop, you could say "DS, it's playtime now, I'll just sit here and get the baby ready, can you get the game out of the box for us to play, please?" and then praise him for being helpful?

My nearly 5 year old ds is the same with the personal space thing. I love him dearly but being 'trapped' by bfing small ds with bigger ds invading my personal space too drives me mental - it actually begins to freak me out and make me feel really claustrophobic and panicky.

All the suggestions given sound worth a try (although some of the delivery has been just a touch patronising - like you wouldn't have realised it was attention he was after, ok then.) I just posted to say I identified with what you were saying and sympathise really. This too shall pass.