This has annoyed me - overreacting?

[belindarose]

Nothing I can do about it, I know, but wanted to talk about it. I'm breastfeeding 3 week old DS and, after some initial worries, it's going really well. I had great difficulties establishing feeding with DD, so I'm really pleased with how it's going this time.

I had antenatal depression and today (3 weeks post birth) was my first counselling session. All the counsellor would talk about was alternatives to breastfeeding. Couldn't I express so DH 'could have a turn'? Would giving up be a big deal (and why)? What about mix feeding so he could have bottles at night?

I hadn't expressed any dissatisfaction with how feeding was going and tried to explain several times that his feeding was normal for his age.

Just felt really undermined and unsupported, although I can see she was trying to suggest ways of coping. I'm not actually experiencing PND and the depression/ anxiety had improved a lot before the birth.

Just aaaaaaaagh, really!

Gosh, that sounds really awful and I am not suprised you're annoyed!

Can you ask to see a different counsellor? Do you feel OK about going to the next session?

FWIW, I think that for some reason, those who do not know much about breastfeeding see it as some sort of huge burden or martyrdom, which obviously it isn't. Perhaps you could just try saying to her that actually you feel very positive about BF (assuming you do?) and if you feel it's a problem, you'll bring it up but until then you'd prefer her not to discuss it? I don't really know how these things work though.

Congrats on the birth of your son btw!

Urgh I would be annoyed too!

Having had PND, I found that BFing was one of the things that kept me together. I was so proud of myself, it was a real boost to me and I'm sure helped me get better.
I know you don't have PND, but it is a similar situation.

I would ask for a different counsellor. OR, if you think you can do it - next session go in and say 'please don't discuss feeding, I am very happy with it and I don't need advice on how to move away from EBF'. If they are a good counsellor they will kick themselves for having zoned in on the wrong thing.

oh yes, that sounds silly of them to say such things.

Good on you for breastfeeding and feeling like you are doing well after finding it hard last time. its great! dont let anyone de-rail you.

What a clumsy counsellor. That is seriously bad work!

Either give her a chance and go in and tell her how you feel about breast feeding and that it is not an issue and see what she does, or ask for a different counsellor citing the reasons you give here.

Thanks for your comments. I don't think I'll get a different counsellor - it took 3 separate assessments to get this one and I wasn't able to access the real perinatal team as booked at the 'wrong' hospital for my area (so much for 'choice'!).

Not sure she likes/ knows much about babies though. She also kept trying to get me to 'put him down' in his pram, when he and I were both perfectly content on the sofa. She wouldn't be impressed by the lovely skin to skin cuddle we're having in bed now instead of getting up and dressed!

Hopefully I'm better enough not to really need her. Took so long to get any support though, I had to try it.

Hmm, it sounds like your counsellor isn't up to speed on the latest research into PND & bfing. Exc. bfing has a protective effect against PND due to lowering inflammation and exc. bfing mothers get more sleep (and more slow wave sleep which is healing and restorative) than mixed or ffing mothers which in turn decreases the likelyhood of PND. Bfing also mitigates the effects of having a mother with PND (verified by brain scans on babies of mothers with PND).

That's not to say bfing stops PND or if you bf you can't get PND (I am a walking example of that!) but that science doesn't back up stopping bfing to 'prevent' PND from occurring.

Can you tell I have butted heads with MH professionals in the past over bfing....

That's really bad of a councellor. You are doing a great thing and she is trying to undermine it how on earth is that supposed to help??

She doesn't sound like she's a suitable person to be counselling women with babies.

agree with Rachel

i would complain about her so its brought up and she treats other mums differerntly in future

Everyone has already said what I was going to say so I will just chime in Yes, the counsellor was very clumsy to focus on feeding like that, especially when you had not said that you weren't happy about how things were going. I was also going to post similar links to TruthSweet.

Really, people should be giving you a big pat on the back because you are happy about how things are going- that's a brilliant achievement and no one should be suggesting that you change things when you are so happy.

You need support, not someone telling you that you are doing things wrong. If you haven't read 'What Mothers Do (Especially When it Looks Like Nothing)' by Naomi Stadlen then it's a lovely supportive book.

A breastfeeding support group might help too, I know you're happy about how things are going but they are not just for people that are having problems, they're also just a nice place to go along and get support from other mums that are breastfeeding.

I'm sure your counsellor would appreciate some feedback if you feel up to giving it to her :)

Thanks again. I did offer to lend her 'What mothers do' when she saw it on my bookshelf, but she said she'd buy it. Perhaps she'll have read it by the next session...

I think the trouble is that some MHP think that the way to good post-natal mental health is to carry on as before baby arrived and not let baby get in the way of you living your life.

Which just isn't reasonable as a baby can quite literally subsume you, and often mothers welcome that, or they want to be with baby as much as they possibly can (breastfeeding dyads especially as you are quite symbiotically linked still). Babies change people, birth and pg change people, pretending it didn't happen or isn't still happening - well that way madness lies

If you approached any other life change by pretending it wasn't happening to you, you'd be considered seriously delusional - imagine being fired from a job but still going and sitting in the car park each day for the duration of your old working day, or getting a divorce but still insisting on being involved in your ex-spouse's life on a daily basis......

Seriously unprofessional advice from the counsellor and Truthsweet has hit the nail on the head.

She is trying to 'fix' things by getting you to give up bf because of ;

a.her complete ignorance about bf or
b.her own personal hangups about bf

All of which is wrong .

If you have to stay with her please let her know that the bf isn't a problem. If she can't accept that then she needs to have a long session with her supervisor

She kept trying to get you to 'put him down'?!?!

Ok, so I was giving her the benefit of the doubt and thinking maybe she zoned in on the wrong thing with the feeding, but combined with this it sounds like she really doesn't have a clue. Actually, it sounds like she's blaming the baby for the depression.

Bizarre and possibly harmful. I agree you should raise this issue with your PCT as she could be using this tactic with more vulnerable women and as horrible as it is to make trouble for someone, she is clearly the wrong person for this particular job.

I'd complain to be honest. If she's supposed to be a PND specialist, then this is ridiculous advice. It sounds like you're strong enough to tell her where to go (or at least ignore her) but she will be seeing some incredibly vulnerable women, and could be doing some serious damage.

Hope you continue to improve. x