Feeling so low and desperate... Wish I'd never tried to BF

[Snowboarder]

My DS2 is 3 weeks old. I have mastitis and have felt poorly (like flu) for 2 days now. I really feel dreadful but I have to look after my son so not able to rest. I have a crack in my right nipple which has now reopened and I also suspect that DS has oral thrush as my nipples are red and shiny, I have stabbing pains in my breasts and he keeps unlatchng during feeds as though his mouth is sore.

I feel at an all time low physically and mentally. I can't do this, it's torture. To make things worse my DS1 (15 mo) is having to stay with my parents as I can't look after a toddler as well whilst feeling like this. I miss him terribly.

I truly honestly wish I'd never tried to make BF work for us. I obviously can't do it and I'm making myself and my whole family miserable.

It doesn't work for everyone, but it was worth a go. Don't beat yourself up you are a great mum and doing a great job

Can I just stop like that? I am on antibiotics for mastitis so don't want to risk a breast abcess on top of everything else. It just feels hopeless.

You poor thing. Having a new baby is so hard when it's all going well! There'll soon be loads of experienced feeders along with advice if you want to persevere. My contribution is only that breastfeeding is not compulsory and if you really think it would be best for you, your baby and your toddler to switch to formula then do it. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just do it xxx

Maybe your HV can give you advice. But if baby is hungry will take bottle I'm not really sure what happens my best friend had problems and they were able to give her tablets to stop her milk but don't think for one second that you are doing any harm by giving a bottle even if you manage to continue in the future, a bottle tonight will do no harm whatsoever and phone your HV in the morning for proper advice.

I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. I had a dreadful rime breastfeeding & made myself bloody bloody miserable for the first 4 weeks of DS's life. Can you express & feed him from a bottle overnight tonight & get yourself to the go tomorrow or have hv come to you?

My saving moments came when I started expressing & feeding from a bottle,did that for two weeks to allow the canyons that used to be my nipples to heal. Then after those two weeks is started using nipple shields because i just wasn't brave enough to risk the same problems again.

I didn't have to deal with mastitis that would have finished me off. For thrush insist that you are both treated,it is ridiculously common for only.mother OR child to be treated. You'd think they'd know it would.pass back & forth like wildfire...

As for your DS1,I can't imagine how much you must miss him. Is there any way you could go to your parents' too? Or have them all come to you & look after you & him in your home?

Big hugs to you,i still remember with horror how appalling i felt for weeks after the birth.

I gave up bf at 10 days for mastitis. Thank god I did because I had a recurrent bout a week later that lasted ages, and now (DS is 4 weeks) I'm actually 75% sure it's reoccurring again.

It's bloody miserable, I feel totally sympathetic, I also had to use nipple shields, DS wouldn't latch, wouldn't stay on, had tongue tie, and had jaundice so forced to top up with formula when he was 3 days old. All the other things together would probably had finished me off anyway but the mastitis on top has been like the fifth circle of hell

Everything went wrong that could with each of my 3 and bf. tongue ties, recurrent thrush, mastitis with each child. First 2 I switched to formula at 8 and 2 weeks respectively. Dc3, I've managed to overcome the thrush with a strong, strong probiotic. If I stop taking it, the thrush returns. I use Biokult and I take 3 per day. I also took a flucoxin (sp?) I bought over the counter after reading on the WHO website that it was safe to take but GPs won't prescribe to bf mothers. Obviously, that's a decision for you to take individually. DC3 is now 14 wks and I think we'll make it bfing now but what a bloody struggle! The antibiotics for mastitis are probably aggravating if not causing the thrush, so look into the Biokult if nothing else.

For the cracked nipple, this time around I ignored all creams and let them dry out and 'shed'. Haven't had problems with capping and cracking since. I think I was drawing out the ago y with Lansing making my nipples more soft and sensitive! Could be that they would have improved at that stage anyway of course.

Good luck and well done for lasting 3 weeks. You've already done the frankly miraculous work of carrying and delivering a baby. Don't let feeding detract from that.

Sorry about the typos...

I meant to say that if I end up in the same position next time around,I will have no hesitation whatsoever in moving to formula. It just made us both so frustrated to have never-ending latch problems & have to keep stopping & starting. Nipple shields were my saviour. I did a lot of research,decided they were the way forward for us & if they dried me up I would swap to formula because I knew I would have given it my best shot. We breastfed for over 9 months. 7.5 of those were purely down to mam nipple shields.

I don't know about stopping during a bout of mastitis but I can google for you if you like.

Oh yes,Toddlerama reminded me - I insisted on flucoxolin antibiotics for thrush,various sites I read said it was the only thing that would work. I printed off the stuff on the WHO site & took it to show gp just in case. Also probiotic is a great idea. Would natural yoghurt on nipples help in the mean time??

It's hard to get any type of perspective when you are feeling so tired, so Ill and so miserable
On the good side, look how bloody marvellous you have done. You produced two beautiful children.
And frankly, it's bloody hard those first few months and you just do whatever you can to get through them
My opinion is that as long as the baby is getting food and thriving, then it's working. Bottle or breast, we can argue all night, but what is best is what works for you and all your family. That is what is going to make a content little unit
Do not beat yourself up about it
You do what works, and you make the call when it doesn't work and starts to affect everything else
If it was me, and to some extent it was, I would start on formula and take some of the pressure off. Get yourselves back on track. Get some help feeding during the night etc
And you can start to enjoy the lovely little people you have created

I had mastitis with my first and second babies, not with my third, I persevered eaxh time and I'm so glad I did because it does get better and breastfeeding is such a breeze when you get it right - it took me six weeks each time to really nail it in terms of latch etc - remember the baby needs to learn how to do it right too, not just you, ime it's not an intuitive thing. Enlist all the help you can get - midwife, hv, NCT breastfeeding counsellors. If you decide to stop though know that you tried your best and that it can be really tough so absolutely don't beat yourself up about it. I agonised for years about my first birth not going to plan, it took me so long to accept that it was ok.good luck and big hugs (unmumsnetty or otherwise)

Oh and spread some breast milk on your nipples it's miraculous at healing them :-)

Thank you all for your kind replies. I am sat here crying reading them. It's nice to know there are such lovely people out there that would spare their time to reassure and advise me when I am at my lowest.

I think the hardest thing to bear was that we actually got off to a great start with the BF this time. It wasn't painful for the first 2 and a bit weeks and DS was thriving - he even put on a pound in just 5 days. So obviously I know it CAN work and work beautifully when it's going right.

Just one evening of a couple of lazy latches on my right side caused a crack though, which led to mastitis and... You know the rest. God knows how I've picked up thrush too, just my luck I suppose. The only trouble is that his mouth is now sore which means he's been on and off the breast all day so I've had no rest, he's no longer draining my breasts properly and also I am very, very sore.

I have given DS a few oz of BM that I expressed a couple of days ago to at least fill his little tummy for now. I've also dug out some Medela breast shields I had lying around and sterilised them. I will try them for the next feed and if I have no luck he will have to have a few oz of formula overnight.

I will get into the GP and ring the HV first thing tomorrow

I suspect it's going to be a loooooong night

How were things overnight Snowboarder? it all sounds very, very difficult for you and mastitis is dreadful and makes you feel so ill. I can completely understand wanting to stop breastfeeding or thinking about it when things are so awful, it's unbearable at times. Would you want to stop if you could get these problems sorted though?

I think it's a good idea to see the HV/GP to discuss the possibility of thrush and to get help about the mastitis too if you haven't already. (you haveen't mentioned antibiotics?) Antibiotics should make you start feeling better quickly so you can get your toddler home (or would one of your parents consider staying at your home with you both?) and look on the Breastfeeding Network website for info on self help measure if you haven't already, these are important too.

Might you have an oversupply do you think? This might cause a lot of what you are experiencing. I had an oversupply with DD and as a result her latch got bad and I was very sore, had mastitis, she kept bobbing on and off the breast etc. but gaining loads of weight.

Can you try ringing one of the BF helplines or see one of the local infant feeding advisors?

I don't have any useful advice for you, but I do think that if you're miserable , don't be afraid to switch.

I think it's more important for your LO to have a happy sane mum and formula, then to have a sad miserable mum and breastmilk.

If you do decide to give up I would do this - stop breastfeeding for a few days, express as much as you can bear (try in the bath/shower etc) just to keep your supply going and give your boobs time to heal. Give baby formula for those 3 or 4 days, and then try again once your boobs feel better.

Has anyone checked for tongue tie? Or rather has anyone who knows what they are doing checked for tongue tie?

here is useful

as is this

How are you getting on today?

Please, please, please get some help.
There are lots of fantastic groups out there that can help you like La Leche League, local BF support groups and of course your HV.

It is so difficult in the beginning but you will soon get the hang of it and once you have it's so easy!

As for mastitis, I think the best thing is to feed through it. It helps clears the ducts and ensures that they don't get blocked again.

Not sure about the thrush though.

And congrats on your new baby

Snowboarder, really sorry to hear you're continuing to have difficulties. Some good advice above. Please don't beat yourself up too much. Let us know how you get on. Thinking of you. X

Bless you all! Thank you for your messages. Last night wasn't great I was still in a lot of pain and feeling fluey - also the antibioticid been prescribed for the mastitis (flucloxicillin) has given me horrendous stomach cramps and diahorrea - just what I needed on top of everything else. But at least I managed some short snatches of sleep in between feeds.

I was very proactive this morning. Managed to get into the doctors just before lunch and she confirmed the thrush/ mastitis. She prescribed an alternative antibiotic to the flucloxicillin, and also a 14 day course of thrush treatment - Fluconazole for me and Daktarin gel for DS. Hopefully that will start to work soon so that there is less pain on feeding and my nipple crack manages to heal (it had healed once but reopened).

In the afternoon I had a visit from my lovely HV who stayed for about an hour and had a good chat with me about feeding. She reassured me that I was doing all the right things and even watched me feeding DS so she could see that there weren't any adjustments that needed to be made to my latch. She is keen that I don't make any hasty decisions about quitting BF whilst I am poorly and upset, although she did say that I had done really well even to get (almost) a month of BM for DS.

Midori the LAST thing I want to do if I'm truthful is to give up BF but there comes a point I guess where determination becomes stubbornness - it needs to be the right thing for me to do for the whole family, not just because I want it to work - if that makes sense. If I could start feeling better and get back to feeding with no or minimal pain (I have an over active letdown which is a bit toe curling anyway) I would definately keep going.

I do have a huge oversupply which I'm sure isn't helping. We'd started off so well (DS gaining weight rapidly) but I think a couple of lazy latches during the night led to a big crack which in turn has led to mastitis and thrush. It's horrifying how quickly it's all gone wrong.

Sarry overnight I expressed (very, very gently) and gave DS that and a small bottle of formula. This meant that I could drain the breasts but not have to subject them to his fearsome suck (maybe I should have named him Dyson ) It seemed to work ok so I have carried on gently expressing today and giving him that. Will carry on until my poor boobs seem a little less mangled.

iusedtobefun - thanks for your message. Things seem a little better today - perhaps the antibiotics are finally kicking in?

eatssleepsfeeds - thanks for thinking about me, it is much appreciated! Funnily enough the crack I'd thought was so miraculously healed by those silverettes has reopened and is as painful as ever, although that perhaps has something to do with the thrush.

Sargesaweyes - I did think of Lansinoh and I do have some but thought that maybe keeping the area moist when there's thrush about probably isn't the best idea?

Goes without saying but just be very careful using the daktarin gel on the baby as a potential choking hazard. Follow the leaflet's guide on putting a tiny amount separately a few times rather than one large amount. You may want to get some daktacort from the pharmacist for you to apply to yourself instead of daktarin. It's the same as daktarin (miconazole gel) but has 1% hydrocortisone (mild steroid) so calms down the redness better. If it is thrush on the nipple it should clear fairly quickly (in my experience anyway (the drs say give it 10 days)) . That plus expressing to give yourself a chance to recover plus antibiotics for any other general infection may well do the trick.

All the best

What a hassle, eh? This is all meant to be dreadfully natural and all. Why can't BF just be easy?!

So sorry to hear you've had a tough time. I could have written your post 12 weeks ago.

BFing had been going great, DS latched on straight away, didn't lose weight, BF was easy. It was all lovely, I was really chuffed.

Two weeks in, from nowhere, I developed mastitis & was so ill DH wanted to call an ambulance at one point. I got treatment but had developed thrush. It was a total nightmare.

Those three weeks were so hard & the pain was unbelievable. I dreaded every feed, cried through pretty much all of them & even vomited through a few. I said as soon as it was over I would give up BF but i was too paranoid about developing an abscess to stop.

I was totally clueless (DS is my 1st) & had no idea what I was doing. I've name changed since but some lovely MNers helped I me by telling me how to hand express in the bath, just feed from the one side, how to manage thrush & it slowly got better.

I'm still BF. it quite honestly the most lovely thing I've ever done. Watching him bobbing on & off the breast, smiling at me or cosying up at night melts my heart! Not to mention when ive no idea whats wrong i boob him So worth it.

if you're still going by now id say you are pretty much getting over the worst, which is brilliant.

Dont use lansinoh with thrush, just air dry, scrap breast pads too. I dried my nipples with kitchen roll after a shower to prevent reinfection, boil washed everything that was milkly (muslins, bras, bed sheets etc) fluconazole helped, I took probiotics for me & separate ones for DS. I basically hit it with everything I could & took it as easy as possible.

Sorry this epic, I just remember how awful it was & wanted to let you know your not alone! It really does get better.

Just wanted to add my experience, for what it's worth- ds1's latch was crap and I got a horrible crack. I was on antibiotics and developed thrush, and so once the original cause of the trauma had gone (he grew and got better at latching with age and size), the crack persisted because of the thrush. I used silverettes (think you mention them upthread?) and they helped quite dramatically to heal the crack. I also took every thrush med, conventional and herbal, known to mankind. (Kellymom site) Eventually it all went away. It took a long, long time. It was insanely tough.

I didn't have a toddler or mastitis to contend with. You know your limits, and as others have said should be proud of your achievement, especially in the face of such adversity.
I hope you make the right decision for your family- whether that be calling it a day or persevering. You will always find support here, either way.