Some desparation, long feeds, grumpy ds and snacking

[FatherJames]

Hey, so my wife is really struggling with our 1st. He's great, but feeding is irregular at 3 weeks.

He always feeds on and off. Usually twice as long off than on. So sometimes he nurses for 90 minutes for a 30 minutes latched on. He never feeds straight through for 30 min.

He'll feed for 8-15minutes then he will go to sleep, or come off. We'll try a nappy change to wake him up, then try and get hom back on, but then he tends not to latch on or he gets grumpy. He's trying to latch on and gets upset because he can't. We also think that sometimes when my dw swaps breasts late in a feed it's too powerful and he can't drink fast enough so has to come off.

This combined can take 2 hours of a 3 hour cycle. Assuming he goes to sleep straight away, that means dw can get about 3 hours sleep max at night over the 9 hours.

Obviously he does not fall asleep straight away and neither does she so she can be on a lot less than 3 hours sleep.

If he does not get a full 30+ minutes latched on then he will want to snack about every 30 minutes, which makes sleep completely impossible.

This does not seem sustainable, but the midwife says this is normal and everything is going well because ds is putting on weight.

He also will not sleep on his back.

I don't see how dw can live on 2 hours sleep per night, but we have friends who just feed for 15-30 minutes straight per feed with no stopping and get about 6 hours sleep a night!

Is there anything we can do?

Hi, James.

Very few babies will feed 30 mins straight through with no stopping. This would be very rare indeed.

At 3 weeks, your baby sounds normal, but there is a lot you can do to reduce the struggle. It sounds as if you have this 30 mins thing in your head(s) - where has it come from?

The 8-15 mins he feeds and then stops after, to have a nap - NORMAL :) Why try to wake him? The result is he gets grumpy and does not latch well. NORMAL.

Just let him have a little nap. Your DW can continue to keep him snuggled in and she can put him on the other side when he perks up a bit.

Going with the flow is easier - your baby and his mum get to know each other's rhythms and signals. This is easier (I think.....) than trying to amend the NORMAL behaviours and needs of a 3 week old. He may well snack every 30 minutes or so some of the time (called 'cluster feeding'), but he will not do this 24/7 and he will grow out of it.

When babies are enabled to feed when they want, nap when they want, feeding is less of a struggle and a fight. Honestly, changing your expectations is easier than changing your baby :)

It's great he is doing so well, gaining weight, and 'communicating' with you both, letting you know his needs (by being grumpy :) ).

PS check out safe co-sleeping to make night feeds easier :)

Hi
Congratulations on your DS
I've no real advice, but just to say my DD is now 6 weeks and I was despairing at the length of feeding and settling time and unbelievable sleep deprivation just like you. Had some great advice on here (much from tiktok above ) and have stuck with it and unbelievably have just become used to the complete lack of sleep. It seems impossible that you would, but it really doesn't seem like such a big deal now. And just keep telling yourselves that it does get better - my DD gave me 4 and a half unbroken hours last night! Now, I'm not stupid enough to think it'll be like that again tonight, but boy did I feel good today!

Thanks for that. We have tried a couple of things over the last few days and ds is now doing a lot better, he seems to be feeding for shorter times.

We've also got better at swaddling him which has just calmed him down a lot.

Thanks :)

Glad you're happier with things, James :)

Can you tell me where the 30 mins thing came from?

You could try raising the head end of his Moses basket if he won't sleep flat

Hey tiktok

This does seem to be better, the other things are still an issue. The 30 minute thing comes from Babywise.

Babywise is a dangerous book.

I am serious.

I am perturbed that UK parents are following its guidance.

Please look at the web for critiques of Babywise, and remember that the authors of Babywise do not have any health or medical training.

My baby is 4 weeks. On off, on off, no putting down sometimes for hours upon end. On off on off all night.

We co-sleep (baby and me in double bed, DH on single bed ajoining), and now sometimes I barely wake for feeds. Baby doesn't cry as his sniffling food hunt wakes me up just enough to move lose enough form latch.

But This is my third time to be fair so tis 'perfected'.

I have babywise btw. Agree with ticktok. Dangerous advice.

Starlight - did someone recommend Babywise to you? It's not widely used in the UK, AFAIK.

Yes, well actually they bought it for me when I was expecting my first.

A bit of a strange present from an austrailian atheist naturopath I subsequently thought.

I came across it again when Ds' South African evangelical Christian childminder recommended it for DD. That recommendation made a bit more sense.

(Sorry to hijack thread) The authors of Babywise - the Ezzos - visited the UK years ago and have never tried to do so again, AFAIK.

I found this about the visit news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/489395.stm

I've come late to this thread but think my experience in still worth mentioning - there is normally a growth spurt around the three week mark, and when DD hit hers, she fed constantly. I was convinced we had every problem in the book, but we didn't - just a hungry, growing baby. DD would have stayed latched on 24/7 if she could, just for the comfort of suckling.

Tiktok's advice is great. Follow baby's lead, he'll settle into his own routine.