Mixed feeling about stopping

[louloutheshamed]

I have just stopped bf my ds after 18mo. I stopped for various reasons. He had started to mess around during feeds, and I am thinking of ttc again and don't want to bf while pg or tandem feed, though I know people do this and think it is great, just not for me. Also, selfishly perhaps, I am carrying an extra half a stone which I just cannot shift and bf seems to make me feel hungry all the time.

So I went away at the weekend and dh has out dh to bed every night since Friday. Bearing in mind he has been fed to sleep for 18 mo, he has self settled with no crying for dh for 5 nights in a row now. I am go smacked that he has done this, but also a little sad. Bedtime used to be my 'time' with ds as I work full time, but now that dh does it I am worried that he will not settle in the same way for me when I try to do it. Is it normal to feel a bit weepy after stopping?
I don't know what I am trying to say really. Maybe that my 18 mo of worrying that I wasn't teaching ds to self settle was totally unnecessary. But I have loved bf him. I think it is the best thing I have ever done in my life.

• dh put ds to bed

*gobsmacked

hold on to that last sentence: " I think it is the best thing I have ever done in my life."

it is a wonderful thing to have breastfed your baby for 18 months. through the nurturing and support you (and your DH) have given your DS over the last 18 months, you know he is confident and secure enough to self-settle. he has 18 months of receiving the most nutritious foods available from you.

it's completely normal for you to feel emotional about this, so do have a good cry if you need one.

i'm sure that your DS will still enjoy cuddly bedtimes with his mum and everything else you and your DH do at bedtime to relax him will still be there.

well done and

hey... you know you can still put ds to bed and enjoy special time with him. I totally understand how you feel as I just went through the same. In our case we decided that I will put dd to sleep though and just stop breastfeeding, but I still wanted to bring her to bed because I thought if I lose that special time then I have almost no special time with her during the week because i work full-time and quite long hours.

And you know what? I find that we have a much more special time in the evenings now that I stopped nursing her to sleep. Before, all she wanted was to nurse and drink milk, she had no interest in any other form of interaction with me in the evenings. The first night, I just said "there's no milk, it's all gone" and I refused to nurse. I offered her water and a dummy instead (she has always refused bottles). The first night, she cried heavily for 15min and then fell asleep - it was heartbreaking. The next evening, we went to bed and she immediately said "milk! milk!" and I said it's all gone there's no milk, she was just going to start crying and I offered to read her a book instead, and she agreed happily, we read three books together, then I turned off the light and she fell asleep. The next evening, she didn't even ask for milk, and that was it.

Now, every evening we read about 5 books together, play a bit, and then I switch off the lights and stay with her till she falls asleep. I feel we actually have much more interaction and special time together. And now I come home from work and she is actually just happy to see me and play with me, whereas before I would walk in the door and she would cry for milk even before I could take off my work clothes or wash my hands. All she wanted was to nurse. And now we can actually have fun together and interact properly.

So I know the temptation to "hide" from your ds so he can't ask for nursing, but rest assured once he knows he's not getting milk from you anymore, he will accept it within a matter of days or a couple of weeks and then you can ave an even more special time together. I am sure you won't look back once you have gotten used to the new routine. Good luck!!

"I think it is the best thing I have ever done in my life" - This has made me fill up and it literally the loveliest thing I have read all day. I think breastfeeding is quite emotive in general and I certainly wasn't prepared for that side of things. I am 6 months in and am starting to feel a little pressure from family members with regards to weaning him off so he can stay over with them (feeds to sleep,bottle refuser, 2 night feeds) but I'm hoping to stay strong and even the thought of stopping any time soon makes me feel all funny. Well done for getting to 18 months, you should be really proud.

Bless you.
I bf dd1 for 14 months and dd2 for 17 months. Loved it.
Was a little sad to stop with dd2 (dd1 self weaned) but she wasn't sleeping through and I was exhausted doing a night feed then getting up at 5am for an 11- 12 hour shift.
She resisted a little but was fine.
It was the best thing I had ever done, too.
Now they are beautiful 3 and 5 years old.

Good luck- you sound like a lovely ma.