A wee gripe which may be useful for others

[Unclebigtree]

First of all nice to meet you all excuse my first post but I wish to let out and vent my feelings.

My wife and I decided before our son was born we would do a local NCT course, which was very good and informative about certain parts of the birth process.
We also did yoga and Hypnobirthing which were fantastic.

From that we decided we would try to have a natural birth and breast feed ( the current NHS fav).

My wife worked her butt of and was so strong and determined during the birth and we are now the proud owners of a little boy 4 days old today.

However Several of our friends have been pushed to the point of tears and depression by this drive to breast feed by midwives and the like.

Since birth my wife has been breast feeding as and when but the midwife turns up yesterday and says our lads lost 11 % so we get reported to the hospital. Yesterday and last night my poor wife has been trying to feed the wee scamp but her milks not in yet and he became very grumpy and unsettled no matter how many time he was given a nipple. We rang NCT breast feeding which was as useful as a chocolate teapot and finally our midwife called us back to tell us give him a little formula in a cup or the like.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY has this not been told to us already. All you hear is breast or bottle blah blah,no one says you can add feed by using other utensils so as not to upset our breast feeding mission.
All we have heard is feed feed feed breast breast breast and because of this we feel exhausted from our last 24 hours, depressed as we couldn't help him due to being uninformed and also worried that we are on a hospital list for a under weight baby.

All I want to get across to people is please feed your baby by what ever means you NEED to take there are options not just breast and bottle.

Firstly congratulations!

You're quite right, you can offer cups etc and it's great he's taking formula like that. Hopefully your wife's milk will come in v soon and things will improve.

Can I ask whereabouts you are in the country? It may be other people see this and can advise of local groups etc which could help. They have been a godsend for some people I know.

Congratulations again

Congratulations!

Sometimes I think the messages about breastfeeding get a bit screwed up. Really the thing with breastfeeding is that it is normal, just that normal. There are always risks when you deviate from normal but sometimes these risks are outweighed by the benefits.

Formula can be life saving. It can be necessary. When necessary HCP can and should discuss using formula. They can and should also discuss the risks of using formula both in the short and long term so as parents you can make informed decisions about how you feed your child. For instance you might need to top up now but wish to return to EBF so your midwife/HV should be discussing topping up in a way that you can return to EBF if you wish.

I'm sorry you didn't find the NCT help line useful. In the past it has been a lifeline for me as have the NCT at drop in breastfeeding groups I've attended. I know sometimes it's the connections and experience and maybe for you trying another organisation such as ABM, or LLL. Also you might like to consider attending a drop in breastfeeding group. I know the groups I have gone to would have welcomed both mums and dads.

However you and your wife decided to feed your child you should be informed and supported by the HCP around you but sadly that is not always as easy to get as it should be.

Uncle, sorry your first days with your baby have been affected by this.

If you think you have been given poor postnatal care then let the maternity services know.

But to be honest, I can't see that anything too dreadful has taken place - except that you have been left feeling worried and let down.

11 per cent weight loss is a 'trigger' for action - no need to do anything different before there is any need for it. You were advised to feed frequently to ensure this hurdle is tackled - and you did. Further good advice would be to hand express colostrum, and most good midwives would suggest this before formula - especially for a baby who was term, healthy and just a bit grumpy, rather than one who was clearly dehydrated. If all the midwife has told you is 'give formula in a cup' then I think you might have room for complaint. Giving formula in a cup is not the only response to this situation at all - it is just one of a range of possibles.

NCT breastfeeding line is not an emergency service for this sort of crisis (I am a bfc and answer calls on the line) and the bfc would probably ensure you had easy access to a midwife and support you, rather than tell you what to do. The bfc might have suggested you discussed hand expression of colostrum with the midwife - did she do this?

I really hope you get over this challenge and that things go better tomorrow.

Uncle, how are things today?

Wanted to make it clear that NCT breastfeeding line welcomes calls even in emergencies and in a crisis - but to clarify my previous post, a call to a helpline like this will not resolve a crisis in a very new baby where in-person midwifery/medical input is what's the most important.

Don't want to put anyone off calling :)

I had a situation like this, they advised us to top up with formula due to weight loss. We gave him it from a bottle. Now he's 11wks old and still feeds from the breast and gets topped up with formula. Topping up doesn't have to mean the end of breast feeding and loads of people end up dropping the formula eventually as the milk supply increases.

I agree that the messages are mixed. Before the birth all I heard was BREAST BREAST BREAST IT'S SO EASY. The potential problems of breast feeding are never discussed. As soon as the baby is born and has weight problems, they are shoving formula down his throat without trying to address the breast feeding problems.

Everything gets easier with time though, enjoy your lovely baby! :)