Failing at breast-feeding - is there a way back?

[Coops79]

My LO is 8 days old. I was determined that he would be EBF for at least the first 4 months. After 4 days of BFing, he was still not latching properly and tended to scream at my breasts rather than sucking on them. My milk did not appear to have come in. The midwives referred him back to hospital as he had lost almost 13% of his birth weight. Because of this I was advised to feed him on a 3 hourly schedule with a mix of whatever I could express, topped up with formula. I feel desperately guilty for having got to a point where I had no choice but to give him formula and I wish more than anything that I could take it back.

However, we are where we are. I am still on this schedule but start every feed with an attempt at BFing. This is followed by mostly expressed BM and finally a little formula to make up the required amounts. I really want to get BFing going but the problems I am having are as follows:

LO is hugely reluctant to latch on. He will scream blue murder when placed near my breast but will occasionally latch and take 3 or 4 good sucks. He will then either pull away and scream, raising his head as far from my breast as possible or he will stop sucking and go to sleep with his mouth puckered over my nipple. Incidentally, he drinks my EBM quite happily so I don't think it's that. He has just had a very small tongue tie snipped which doesn't appear to have made much difference.

I am expressing as much as possible while we're trying to get BFing going but I am concerned that this will affect my supply when he comes to my breast, creating a vicious circle.

I am now terrified of underfeeding my LO. If I start EBFing successfully, how can I know how much is going in?

Finally, and I guess really the thing that is causing me most anxiety: have I damaged my child by allowing him formula, particularly at such a young age? Would it matter if I failed to breast feed but was able to express enough to feed him in a bottle?

Apologies for such a long post; I am broken-hearted and any reassurance would be gratefully received.

That's a fab list Redkites - have found one less than 10 miles up the road and have booked myself in - thank you!

Hi Coops I know others have already mentioned, but the 3 hour thing ... what the midwives mean is at least every 3 hours - ie that's the bare minimum. Leaving several hours between each feed is pretty much the opposite of what you need to do if there are worries about milk supply and a frustrated baby!

A couple of thoughts for you on frustrated babies ...

"On demand" feeding doesn't mean waiting til the baby cries. Crying is a late sign of hunger, and often by then the baby is too frustrated and upset to latch on. Could you offer a BF when he starts showing early hunger cues - e.g. rooting, fist/finger sucking, head bobbing? It might well be that this happens every 30 minutes, which is fine! More frequent BFs = more milk supply.

Another common reason why babies can get upset at the breast is if they have been shoved on by someone holding the back of their head. Unfortunately this does sometimes happen in hospital if you have an over-zealous midwife. If you're holding the back of his head while trying to latch him on, try supporting his neck and shoulders instead and see if that helps.

Good luck.

Hey Zoobmeister - Before we went into hospital I was putting him to my breast every time he did anything that was remotely suggestive of hunger. He would give a few sucks then fall asleep. Since the regime was implemented, I have been trying to BF between feeds but he still won't play ball. I tried this morning when I thought he was giving me cues. He was happy to nuzzle and sleep my breast but the moment I tried to get him to latch, he went mental. When I relented and gave him some EBM, he took it happily. He's back over his birth weight now which is great but I can't see how I'm ever going to train him onto the breast.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Can't help with advise at all, but please please please listen to those on here saying it can work and it will work. DD1 was exactly as you describe, but it was way way before I had discovered MN. She is now 11. I persevered for 8 weeks EBF, was a mixture of expressing and getting her to the breast when she allowed. Was exhausted but got no real advice, except a MW who would constantly shove DD to my breast. I gave up, with PND through the guilt.
You will do it if you get the right support, and it's so worth it when it works.
When DD2 was born, I thought my chances of EBF were almost nil. Fortunately and miraculously, she didn't need any help and fed from the moment she was born.
Looking back, I know I would have been able to succeed first time if I had the advise you are getting here. Believe me, it will be worth it. I still miss feeding, and my DD2 is almost six. So worth the effort. Please persevere and you will not regret it.