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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Forcibly weaning 3 yo = behavioural problems (or just a threenager?)

16 replies

DitaVonCheese · 07/07/2012 16:49

Won't go into too much detail right now but 3.5 yo DD has been a little shit more um challenging of late. The only thing I that I can think of that's changed is that I have forcibly cut down her breastfeeds to morning and evening only. She's also more clingy. She would nurse 24/7 if given the chance. Could these things be related or is this just normal threenagedom?

OP posts:

mawbroon · 07/07/2012 18:46

I noticed at this age that ds1's ability to behave was linked to cutting down feeding.

He seemed ok at first, but after a couple of weeks of cutting down, it was like he couldn't handle it any more.

This happened several times and each time I decided it was easier to go back to feeding more than trying to deal with the fallout.

Not sure if that's what you wanted to hear or not, sorry!

Original poster

DitaVonCheese · 07/07/2012 22:44

Ha ha! Tbh, the reason I posted on here rather than Parenting is because I thought I was more likely to find other nt-bfers who had experienced this so I was more likely to be told i wasn't imagining it rather than just being told it was normal 3 yo behaviour. If that makes sense. I think if a bunch of people had told me it was just normal toddler stuff then I would have just thought "Hmm, no, I think you're wrong, I think it's the weaning."

For one thing, she's just been so angry with me recently.

Goddy god, I am so done with breastfeeding :(

I think I am going to have to start feeding her during the day again. I don't want to. I feel like cutting down has given me room to breathe a bit.

Sigh. But then hopefully I can sneak in weaning via the backdoor by meeting her needs so she's less clingy and also making sure we're out of the house most of the time. Ha. And also finding some time by myself to replenish my batteries a bit and goddammit I will not feel guilty about it.

OP posts:

BumgrapesofWrath · 07/07/2012 22:50

I have found the same thing with trying to wean DS (22 months). I'm pregnant and exhausted and feel I can't cope with a toddler fiddling with my nipples at 5 in the morning!

His behavior definitely seems more "naughty" and he seems to be shouting a lot at the moment. I don't know what to do because the feeding was driving me beserk, but I hate the effect it seems to have had on him.

Unfortunately what I have realised is if I'd weaned sooner it wouldn't be such an issue... I feel penalised for trying to carry on as long as possible!

Original poster

DitaVonCheese · 07/07/2012 23:50

Oh I know that feeling, though I am reasonably sure that there hasn't been any time in the past 3.5 years when I could have easily weaned her, she's always been milk obsessed. I am a bit sad that our bfing relationship has reached the point where I'm just utterly fed up with it though (though maybe that's better than missing it once it's gone? I don't know).

Are you partially or totally weaning? DD was still bfing several times a day (she's been forcibly nightweaned more than once for a while now), just had to cut down for my own sanity. Not sure this is better though!

OP posts:

NoComet · 07/07/2012 23:57

All I know is BF was integral to DD2 feeling loved and safe and wanted. She was happy for me to say not know as long as she could feed as soon as it was convenient.

NoComet · 07/07/2012 23:57

Now not know!

EauRouge · 08/07/2012 03:56

Hi dita,

Absolutely do not feel guilty! It's a two way thing and it sounds as though you are being very gentle and respectful of your DD's needs.

There's no way of knowing for sure but if it helps' I have not cut down any feeds for my DD1 and she's been a total bugger recently

mawbroon · 08/07/2012 08:40

I used to get really angry when ds1 wanted to feed AGAIN! Sometimes I was so wound up that my milk wouldn't let down, cue wails of "it's not working" and him getting more upset.

But then something would happen, like illness maybe that would make me glad I was still feeding.

And now, he goes weeks between asking for it. I think he is done finally!!

whatinthewhatnow · 08/07/2012 09:02

if you're properly done with bf what about just stopping completely? maybe it's the sometimes-but-not-other-times that's freaking her out. If it's gone, it's gone and she'll find some other way to bother you find comfort. I dunno the answer really, my 2.2 dd feeds all bloody night and I can't go out/watch a film/relax/have sex without being interrupted, so I clearly have no idea how to do it properly. Not quite at the point of hating it but when it comes it's cold turkey and that's it. hopefully that won't be when she's, like, 6 and a half. bleurgh.

kickingKcurlyC · 08/07/2012 09:33

It probably is the weaning, BUT once you've stopped, she'll soon forget, and it won't be an ongoing issue.

I think going backwards would be a mistake...

Speaking as someone who finally fully weaned at three and three quarters!

Original poster

DitaVonCheese · 08/07/2012 12:53

Thanks all for the replies (and to Eau for not just replying "For the love of Christ, woman, ANOTHER weaning thread??" )

StarBall that's a lovely post, made me smile, thanks.

Eau that made me laugh

Mawbroon I am officially well-jel I don't get particularly annoyed at being asked really, it's just that the physical sensations of it are so skin-crawlingly toe-curlingly stomach-turningly disgusting. I loathe it. Once she took a big mouthful of water just before hand so her mouth was really cold and wet and I nearly threw up. Sometimes I bang my hand on the wall or the bed just to have another physical sensation to distract me :( If I could do something to numb my boobs I'd probably be happy to let her self-wean!

What trouble is that I have an 11 mo DS so I can't work out any way of totally weaning DD/telling her it's all gone etc without weaning him too. Plus I think going cold turkey would be really hard on her. I don't know.

Well, in an interesting twist (ha! literally), I've now done something terrible to my neck by turning over in bed so am in pain with v limited mobility, so when DD wanted boob first thing this morning I physically couldn't do it lying down and told her she could have it on the sofa once I'd got up as a one off. Interestingly, I found it a lot less irritating on the sofa ... Going to see if I can swap going back to daytime feeding for dropping the morning feed, which does annoy me.

OP posts:

Whitegrenache · 08/07/2012 13:05

My ds 3 and 5 months has too become challenging recently.....

He has not been recently weaned......

I think it's just threeanger behaviour!

Hope that may help explain that perhaps 3 year olds adopt this behaviour regardless of weaning from bf?

Whitegrenache · 08/07/2012 13:06

Shit just retread your op....that's not what u wanted to hear was it.....sorry x

thezoobmeister · 08/07/2012 13:33

My mum reckons that my brother is still angry with her for forcibly weaning him age 2.5.

He is now 31.

Nuff said.

Original poster

DitaVonCheese · 08/07/2012 21:02

at White and zoob

Been googling oxytocin deficiency and found that oxytocin is low/cortisol is high if you're tired, stressed, not getting enough sleep, not relaxing, etc etc. All sounds like me So going to try to get some earlier nights and found a leisure centre with a creche so I can get some me-time/exercise during the week and will see if that helps at all ...

OP posts:

whatinthewhatnow · 08/07/2012 21:18

i'm not obsessed with you weaning your dd cold turkey, honestly, but I did it to my ds when dd was born and he coped alright, despite the fact that she was bf a million times an hour. we did lots of 'big boy drinks' vs baby milk and it worked. i literally couldn't bring myself to feed him any more because I had that feeling you have. I don't know how you're doing it. I wanted to throw him across the room when he went near me. (and I mean that in a kind of 'aaaargh' way, not that I actually wanted to hurt him). so respect n all to you for doing it.

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