struggling with the emotional side of cluster feeding ....

[smk84]

hi, my ds is 30 days old, and we spend many (but not all) evenings cluster feeding, for up to 6 hours at a time (sometimes 3-4 hours). he will feed for a few mins on each side, fall asleep, then come off and start rooting/crying for more. I know this is normal behaviour, but I just feel so sorry for him ! The rest of the day and night it feels like I have plenty of milk coming, and he seems to glug away quite nicely. I just look at him after the first couple of feeds of the cluster, and he looks sad as if he is looking at me to say where is it. He takes the initial let down, but unlike the rest of the day he has to wait a few minutes for each let down. I think it must be really confusing for him, and think that by the time the session finishes, he will have digested the 'full' feed he had at the start of the session, and by then will have just been having dribs and drabs. I have been told that fat content is higher in the eves, and that he is building my supply, but none of this seems to help in how I feel! Does anyone else struggle seeing their LO work so hard for milk at this time of day? Will cluster feeding carry on for the duration of our feeding? (as I am guessing as he gets bigger he will need more and more...)

Sounds like you are doing really well! IME cluster feeding stopped at about 3 months and then DD1 started sleeping through, but all babies are obviously different. I didn't feel sorry for her but then I am a bit of a hardfaced biatch! What I would say is that I feel more sorry for DD2 as I have had to formula feed this time as I was v poorly when she was 2 weeks, and I do feel a bit sorry for her, as she seems really unsettled and in need of comfort, which a cuddle and a formula feed doesn't always solve! I found cluster feeding really difficult but now I miss it!
Good luck! Hope the evenings become easier. And don't feel bad for your baby. You are doing the best thing for him!

thank you ! Sorry to hear you were poorly, hope you are better now. I am feeling so exhausted as time goes on, DH is too, not sur ehow much longer we can sustain BF :(

smk - I don't think your baby is sad, wondering why the milk is not there...babies of this age don't have the cognitive processes to have these thoughts. He will not be confused, wondering why the procedure is different - babies do experience emotions, of course, but not these feelings.

Dribs and drabs of milk are fine - cluster feeds don't give huge amounts of volume at any one time. It is a behavioural thing - your baby is 'working' to ensure he is held closely by you at a time when he is not wanting to sleep for long periods. He is not 'working hard'.

Breastfed babies (unlike formula fed babies) don't increase the volumes of milk they take as they grow (plenty of research on this) and their intakes plateau after about 3 mths. So cluster feeds and frequent feeds don't continue for the duration of bf - though all bf babies will go through periods when they will feed more often than others and some may do evening clustering for longer. It's an individual thing and it's not all about 'the milk' at all :)

Your confidence and trust in the process and in yourself seems so low, and you are analysing what happens and concluding that it's uncomfortable for your baby, or somehow inadequate for him, and that he is unhappy about it. I think that's unhelpful for you, and actually an incorrect conclusion :)

DS stopped cluster feeding at 4 months. He would feed from about half 9 til 2 am and my mantra was "it's just a phase, it will pass" and he hasn't done it since. He seemed absolutely fine with it, it was me who was demented! I just wish that someone had told me about cluster feeding and that it was totally normal so I didn't end up crying for nights on end thinking that either my boobs were broke or there was something wrong with DS. After telling friends about it they were all " oh yeah my DC did that too". So why the hell did you not tell me??? My HV seemed to have no idea what I was on about.
I make it my mission to tell friends who are pregnant with their first and planning to bf. Would hate to think of them sobbing away at 2 in the morning completely clueless like I was

smk84 can I just ask if the birth went ok for you as mine didn't go very well and for a very, very long time, I was convinced that my DD didn't like / love me. I also "invented" many other emotions from DD to try to deal with how low I was feeling about new motherhood in general.

smk you are doing brilliantly with 6 hour feeds (and anyone else who has/is feeding that long). My DS used to cluster feed for about 4 hours and that was long enough for me - by the end I was always getting fearful he would never stop, even though I knew he would from past experience.

I don't think your ds is sad through these feeds, quite the opposite. Babies love to suck, they love to cuddle mummy and they love (ime) to drift in and out of sleep with a boob nearby. Yes he's building your milk and yes he's getting his evening food but he's also enjoying your company and the longer it takes him the more cuddles he gets.

The 4-7 week period was really hard for me with bf and tiredness, the positive hormones of birth are long gone and sleep deprivation is setting in. But it is a phase and it will pass and then you might miss the long cuddles, too. I look back on fondly now those hours on the sofa with DH making dinnner and clearing up around me!

Can you get some RL help to look after DS for a while in the day so you (and maybe dh) can nap and recover? Or if you can feed lying down you could retire to bed during the cluster feed and 'nap nurse' yourself.

Well done for getting this far, and take care of yourself

Aw, smk, congrats on your lovely baby.

What tiktok says is spot on, as usual

DO you have any bf support groups in your area? It is nice and reassuring to be with people who are going through or have gone through this and come out the other side just fine.

Fwiw, mine stopped this at around 15/16 weeks and started SLEEPING in the evening!!! It was simultaneaously wonderful and alarming!

Remeber, a baby snuggled in to his mummy and latched on is very normal and is very safe and content. The hard work you put in now will pay off very soon.

I know exactly what you mean, can remember those days crystal clear. Dd reduced the cluster feeding gradually from about 10 weeks I think.

When it all got too much when dd was tiny something that helped was going out for a walk - yes, at 9pm, 10pm whatever - with her in the sling, as she'd have a short sleep and I'd get a rest from the relentless breastfeeding/crying. A bit of a break really helped, and it would let a bit of milk build up too which made me feel better (I understand your feelings - dd would periodically pull off and cry when the milk had slowed down, I felt awful. But we persisted, it got so much better after the first couple of months and she's still bf at 15 months. Hang in there!)

smk, I would echo what the other posters have said.....there is an end to this. My DD stopped cluster feeding at just before 3 months. It was exhausting and a very hard phase and at times I wondered how I'd get through the next night. I relied on my DH to pretty much do everything else, house work, washing, cooking. I just sat and fed and fed and fed.

One thing that helped me was passing DD to my husband for a cuddle. This would often distract her from wanting to feed for 20 mins or so as he didn't smell of milk. Just enough time to give me a little breather.

You're doing so well.

thank you everyone for your encouragement and suggestions. i take my hat off to you to have survived cluster feeding and carried on. yesterday Ds fed from 11am to 1030 pm with small breaks in between, but less than 2 hours sleep altogether in that time. I couldn't manage to reply on here even (had to choose to eat and wash instead !!) Thank God Dh was home, he is back to work today so hoping to not have a repeat ! Really not sure how much longer I can keep going (but need to be thankful as he does feed / sleep well at night - as long as he is held that is !) I feel really uncomfy lying down to feed unfortunately :(