Should I stop breastfeeding? I'm getting desperate

[Carmen17]

Hi all, I'm hoping I can hear about other people's experiences with breast/formula feeding to help me make a decision about stopping breastfeeding. My DD is just over 4 weeks and has only had breast milk so far (although a couple of the feeds have been expressed milk in a bottle). However, she is basically a really grumpy baby and cries A LOT. I thought she had too much wind because I know there are some problems with my attachment in that i can hear that she takes in a lot of air. I have had some advice about it and am trying to improve that but I don't think it is just wind. I have cut out a number of things in my diet to try and improve the situation too (caffeine / dairy etc) but this doesn't seem to have made much difference either. We now both have thrush (in her mouth and my nipple) and feeding her is now an ordeal because it is obviously painful for her so she just fusses at the breast, crying, screaming and pulling away. In the night, if she falls asleep on the breast, I therefore just put her straight down in her moses basket rather than trying to get her to take the second breast because it's such a stressful ordeal, which then means that she isn't really taking very much and is waking up again 1.5 hours later. Last night I fed her at 1.15, 3.30. 5.30, 7.30, 8.30 and 9.30 and I am EXHAUSTED. I'm just wondering whether it is really worth carrying on with BFing when it is causing me so much stress - any suggestions / advice / tips would be welcome!! Thanks!

Poor you, it sounds like you are having a difficult time. No one can tell you whether you should stop breastfeeding or not. But I'm sure you will get support on here from other mums who have been through thrush, sleep deprivation, and feeding problems and come out the other side. What treatment are you both getting for the thrush? It sounds like that might the first thing that needs sorting out, as obviously while you are both finding feeding painful it's gong to difficult to sort out things like latch, different positions etc.
You will get loads of support and stories on here, but it sounds like quite a complicated scenario with thrush/wind/possible colic etc. I really would urge you to contact a breastfeeding counsellor to talk through your options and work out a plan to get you through the next few days and beyond.

Are you treating the thrush?

The first few weeks are hard work.

The feeding pattern you have described sounds similar to my DS. Things that helped us were co sleeping (this means I sleep more at night) and a sling. In those early weeks DS could snuggle down into the sling and be safe and comfy.

If you want to keep breastfeeding try having a look at other things that people can help you do. Having someone make you lunch. Is there someone who could come and do a load or two of laundry.

I was exactly where you are now 5 months ago - my DS was such an unhappy baby and I really felt that breastfeeding was making everything worse. I have a super fast letdown and when DS was tiny, he just couldn't cope and would take in so much air - he would be so uncomfortable. Every feed was a battle and I hated feeding time. But...I sought RL help in the form of a lactation consultant and I went along to a breastfeeding group. Slowly but surely, things got better and I never believed that they would. I used to say to myself 'I breastfed yesterday, I'm breastfeeding today and I will try and breastfeed tomorrow', literally taking it one feed at a time. I am sure things will get better in time, HTH

Don't panic! Breast feeding is harder than anyone lets on but it is by far the best thing for your baby and, believe it or not, you (eventually!). However, there is no shame in switching.

I really struggled to start with, a combination of making no colostrum (couldn't fill a 1ml syringe and then couldn't get what I had expressed out again!), the most powerful let down I have ever heard described (I was literally on fire for 5 minutes) and eventually such incredable oversupply that dd spluttered and choked and cried (from being slapped on the back for the choking!) every single feed. However, I got through it by setting myself a deadline, I reasoned teeth start to appear about 4 months average/earliest, so i will give it 4 months and if it is still no better, we will switch. Still going at 11months and 7 teeth!

Exactly the same as MollyDixtures in effect! Go and meet some other BF mums and make sure you get the right treatment for the thrush and go back straight away if its not working, remember you are the customer, don't get fobbed off.

Good luck!

Hi all, thanks for all your posts - unfortunately I have already tried all these things with no luck!! We are being treated for the thrush at the moment but they said it would take 2-3 days to clear up so i'm hoping it should be clear by the end of the week at the latest. She definitely doesn't have tongue tie because that has been checked by a couple of people now and my attachment has been checked by so many people I feel like I might as well just walk round with my boobs out!!! Several midwives have looked at it, a health visitor (who was useless) and the people at my local breastfeeding clinic who did temporarily help whilst i was there but I just still can't seem to get the hang of it at home. I am planning on going back to the breastfeeding clinic next week to see if I can try again though.

Out of desperation for some sleep we gave DD a bottle of formula when she work up at 12 last night (with BFing for the feeds before and after this one) and we did actually manage quite a decent night's sleep in the end, but I feel like I might be on a slippery slope away from BFing altogether now!

I found with thrush that once I got daktarin gel for ds's mouth it cleared very quickly - just make sure they're treating both of you simultaneously, and look out for thrush nappy rash too!

Have you seen anyone who's trained/qualified in breastfeeding? Midwives and HVs tend not to be great at dealing with BF issues so might not be able to spot a tongue tie.

One bottle isn't the end of the world, but I know it seems like an awful temptation when they won't sleep any other way. You could try expressing if you want to give a bottle, perhaps, as removing the milk from your breast sends the signal to your body to make more whereas if you leave it to fill up it sends a signal to make less, that's one of the ways FF can mess up breastfeeding. But obviously do what you need to get through.

Make sure you're treating you and the baby for thrush - often they won't prescribe the gel for a baby that young as it's a choking risk if you squirt the whole tube in their mouth at once it's perfectly safe if you smear it on and don't leave any lumps in their mouth.

Posterior tongue ties are not always picked up - a friend of mine saw six separate HCPs before finding a lactation consultant in the next county who ran a support group. She then had to pay privately for it to be cut because the NHS in our area has nobody who is willing to do it. Midwives' response around here seems to be (or it was a few years ago when I was doing breastfeeding support) "Tongue tie is a funny new idea. Babies never used to get it, so why are so many of them supposedly getting it now?" (Um, maybe because more babies used to be bottle fed?? )

This is an article about posterior tongue tie and how to spot it.
thelogicallady.blogspot.co.uk/p/posterior-tongue-tie-information.html

I am have been suffering the same thing for 8 weeks, at least 4 of which both myself and baby have had thrush. What no one realises is that the thrush makes the baby suffer v bad with wind, hence all the screaming. None of the healthcare professionals ever mentioned that you can pass back and forth, had I have known it would have been a completely different story. I pumped for a few days to give the meds time to take effect, then tried again when it seemed that the thrush had gone, but its back again. I love love love bfeeding but it I love my baby too and cant see her in the pain that she gets from the wind. Its horrendous to see your baby in pain and its totally unnecessary. If you are the same position as me then don't worry -do what's best for the baby.

Have you tried probiotics for thrush? My DD was a CS birth but somehow was born with it!
It was awful and we were prescribed drops. I heard bad things about the drops so decided to buy a jar of probiotic powder. Took it twice a day and through BF the thrush was gone in two days, never to return!

Has she been checked for posterior tongue tie? Much harder to diagnose and most health professionals don't know how to identify it. One easy way is to look at her tongue when she cries - does it look quite flat and cupped at the edges? A babies tongue should reach towards the roof of the mouth when crying.

Do you have a local breastfeeding expert or lactation consultant you could visit?

I would recommend doing what you can to keep up the bfing. My ds has a milk protein allergy, but I didn't know this when I was having a very rough time of it for other reasons I won't bore you with (up till when he was 7 weeks old, and then it was just reflux). Fortunately I felt like being bloody-minded and carried on, which was lucky as going onto formula when DS can't digest milk protein would have been a nightmare. Bfing also protected him from all the bugs and illnesses I picked up. It made life so much easier once those first weeks were over, and gives you immense freedom. It was a godsend.

I second the idea of getting checked for tongue tie again. As I was having loads of problems, so went to my local NHS breastfeeding clinic, where they checked in her mouth and declared everything to be fine. It was only when I went to see a private lactation consultant out of desperation that DD was diagnosed with posterior tongue tie.