Starting to feel a bit tied by breastfeeding...

[suzi2]

I really want to feed DS (6.5 months) until he's a year or at least until he's well established on solids. However, since I 'met' my original 6 month exclusive feeding goal, I've felt a bit tied. DS is sleeping quite badly and I feed about twice a night. During the day, I can never be too far from him as he feeds about every 3 hours. I'm starting to feel a bit hard done by to be honest. I would love it if, just once, I could say to DH at 3am "you feed him", or could leave him with my mum and be back a couple of hours later than usual to pick him up. My mother in law is also quick to comment that she would love a good 24hours alone with DS when I finish breastfeeding. At the moment I am never far away...!

I KNOW that I don't have to breastfeed and that it's my choice. But I don't want to quit. And I don't want to be feeding all the time. I feel really stupid for feeling hard done by. Any brilliant words of support?

Has he ever had a bottle? Would he accept ebm in a bottle every now and then to give you a break?

I went back to work when dd was 3mths so she had bottles of ebm when i wasn't around. I still fed her when i was there until she was 2. Now your son is 6mths your milk supply won't be affected at all by expressing and getting a break every now and then.

Well done you! you don't need to feel stupid. Feel proud of yourself and let your decisions be your own - ignoring everyone elses comments

Can you express and go out for the evening or for lunch or get DH to do a night feed or two?

From now until he's a year he'll change so much - he's still a baby now, he'll be far more toddlery when he's one (although DS1 didn't actually toddle till he was 17mo!) - they don't want to feed as often once they can eat more.

Your supply is much more stable than when you first started bfeeding, so missing a feed won't make any difference to you - you might feel a bit full, but if you're out, nipping to the loo to hand express will help.

You can do it, and you will be as proud of yourself when he's one (or more so!) as you are now. Just give yourself a break and try to get a bit more unbroken sleep - it's bloody relentless for the first few months, isn't it (and am there again, so REALLY sympathise!)?

Chin up, S2 - you can do it x x x

You have my sympathies, those first months are hard. And well done for making it this far, and going the 6-months exclusive BF thing.

Once he starts taking to solids, he really will need to feed less often. It will be easier for you to have more time off. And, depending on his weight, and your feelings about CC, it's possible for you to train him to sleep all night without being fed, now, or in a few months.

One thing that really struck me after DS1 turned one is, the first year takes a long time, and a lot of work. It seems to take forever really. But your child will be all sorts of other ages for a year, too. The first year is such a short time in your child's life, and managing to bf them for that time is such a great thing to do.

He gets a bottle of EBM for his last feed but lately (with my tiredness and all), I've only managed to get a few ounces out of two expressing sessions so have had to boob feed too. Although he feeds really badly at bedtime. He's not taking as much as usual due to fussing and a smaller bottle which is probably contributing to the waking at night too.

I know I'll feel proud... I'm already incredibly smug .

I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

Another things too... We're thinking about trying for number 2 (why? why? why? ) and as yet, my periods haven't returned. So, I'm not sure what to do on that front. Also, I worry that if I manage to a year with DS, I'll feel 'obliged' to do the same for any future kids! Stupid worries eh?

For me, my periods have always come back when I stopped the night feeds. It might work that way for you?

It's probably worth trying to build up a little collection of frozen bags of milk, so you can get a full morning, or even a full day, off?

Re: future kids. Deal with that when you get there. The first year goes by much faster with second kids, in my experience. I stopped bf DS1 at 18 months, as a) I was worried I'd end up tandem feeding, for silly reasons and b) I'd had enough. DS2 is now 17 months, and I am in no rush to give up. (He's probably my last kid, though, which changes things.)

Why don't you freeze the small amounts of ebm rather than giving them to him each day. Save them up so you can have an evening out knowing there is plenty of milk left behind for your son.

Not sure what you mean about ttc, not a lot you can do apart from keep up the sex life .

And with second and third children why wouldn't you want to feed them for the same length of time? Just imagine by the time they are teenagers, the worry of whether they breastfed for a year or not will be totally irrelevant, there will be far more important matters to deal with

No advice really Suzi2, just sympathy I know what it is like. At that age my ds still fed loads.....it is hard when it feels like they are tied to you. Occasionally I would miss the odd feed when I left ds and a bottle of ebm with dp or my mum so I could go to the hairdresser or something.
DS is nearly 11mths now - he still feeds in the night and our coping strategy has been to start co-sleeping for some of the night. That way I am not getting up for every feed; rather dp can get up and bring him to me, then any subsequent feeds I don't really wake for! It won't be long before he's needing less feeds and you will feel less 'in-demand' - hang on in there!

Masses of Sympathy-the sleep deprivation is overwhelming.

I found with ds that one he started solids the breast feeding was less often and i got more sleep.

Do your best.
My plan was to feed dd and ds for a year.I managed to get to 9 months with both.If you dont make the year-well,you have done really well to get this far,dont beat yourself up about it

suzi2,

i think you are doing great lots of mums give up long before now. i know exactly how you feel, i breastfed dd til she was 2! i did express 1 bottle so dh could feed during nite, i expressed on first nite feed and dh would use that for next feed or early morning feed, if its any consolation my dd is now 5 and i really miss breastfeeding i also have ds age 8 who never breastfed at all so i have experience of both and both are equally tiring. good luck xx

Suzi, I was where you are until about three weeks ago (and ds is three weeks older than your ds too!). However I weaned him earlier than you (at 21 weeks) and he is now eating meals as well. All of a sudden, he relaxed into a routine (with a bit of help from me) and managed to drop the night feeds (he dropped two in about three days!!). He has a big b/f first thing (about 7.30am), then breakfast, sometimes a mid-morning feed but he might miss this if I am working, then lunch followed by a feed, a mid-afternooner then another with his tea. Then a final feed at about 7pm then that's him for the night.

This means that my evenings are mine from about 7.45pm so I get to go to aerobics, meetings etc, and I am able to work from 10-1 a couple of days per week. the big difference now is that ds will have a big long feed at 7pm - I do b/f him, and do it lying down on my bed (with a book so I don't get bored and hurry him ). I'm pretty sure I could drop the mid-afternoon one too if I wanted to.

IIRC you've only been weaning for a couple of weeks and it's taking some time to establish. I would say, don't make any decisions for another month, allow him to settle into eating food and you might find the night-feeding takes a back seat and the day feeds become more regular.

Finally, regarding what you do with a future child - all children are different, and all circumstances are different. Dd1 was b/f until 6 months, I wanted to do mixed feeding when I went back to work but ended up completely on bottles. Dd2 I only fed for 8 weeks until my milk dried up. Ds has now been fed the longest of the three and like you I want to do it for a year (my aim is to avoid formula and bottles totally). Make any decision for you and your ds alone, don't worry about the future (just like I don't worry about what's past!)

HTH (though I suspect it is simply rambling and incoherent )

Thanks. I'm feeling less sorry for myself today. I think I'm stressing too much about it all (nothing new there then!). I also think I'm offering a feed too often. He's a big boy now and gains weight well so I'm sure that if I don't offer, he'll eventually 'ask' for a feed! I'e decided to go out a bit more too. Either I'll express or not stress too much about being 30 mins later than I thought I would be!

You are doing brilliantly. The first few months are hard. As others have said, once he is eating more food it will settle down into something v straightforward that is nowhere near as difficult as it is now. Being up twice a night at the 6m stage is hard going so it's perfectly ok for you to not enjoy that aspect of it.

Ebm is probably the way forward though. I always found that I could only express a decent amount first thing in the morning, but that assumed ds had slept and my breasts had had the longest gap of the day (and night). Do you think ds could settle by any other means - dummy perhaps? Or daddy? Someone told me "they can smell the milk" so me going to settle him was never going to work as well as dp going in. Would your dp be up for trying this?