Am I bonkers?

[blushingmare]

Can someone tell me if I'm being ridiculous?!

My DD is 25 days old today. We had some problems feeding to begin with, but are now doing well and exclusively breastfeeding She lost 12% of her birthweight - she has now nearly regained that and midwife was really pleased with her gain last week and has discharged us so our next weigh in is next Thursday at the baby clinic.

After a few weeks of hiding myself away at home and pretty much feeding non stop, I am
now starting to feel that I really want to get out and about with her a bit more. But I'm really anxious about doing trips out because I can't feed her as much as I have been. I don't mean that I'm worried about feeding in public, but that when we go out in the pram or car, she tends to go to sleep. If she's asleep she's not feeding whereas if we stayed at home she'd probably be awake more and when she's awake I feed her, so she's getting more.

I've been keeping a record on a feeding app on my phone and as an example of what I mean on Sunday we were home all day and she fed for a total of 300 minutes; yesterday we did a short trip on the pram to the corner shops in the morning and in the afternoon I had a hospital appt so was out for quite a bit and she fed for a total of 218 minutes. I never let her go for longer than 3 hours without a feed whether we go out or not, but it's just she will demand feed less if we are out and about.

Am I being ridiculously paranoid and becoming obsessed by feeding, or should I be avoiding going out and keeping on staying in to feed until she's put on more weight. I do feel for my own sanity I could do with getting out a bit more now, but on the other hand going out is making me anxious about meeting her feeding needs!

blushing you had a fright early on, and this has lingered :( You need to know that adding up minutes at the breast does not reflect the volume of milk or its energy quotient - 'tis a pointless exercise :) A baby who has 218 mins of bf may well take more in than the same (or a different) baby getting 300 mins....it's nothing like as precise a calculation as you are treating it, honest :)

Go out. Enjoy yourself. Let your baby experience being out and about in the sun (if it's there!). Feed her frequently and responsively, for sure, but don't, absolutely don't, count the minutes, 'cos it's a waste of time.

Is that convincing enough for you? Your baby sounds fine and healthy and well-nourished so put away the notebook :)

I think you are worrying unnecessarily regarding the time your dd is feeding. You really don't need to time how long she is feeding for.

When your dd is hungry, she will let you know. If you are out and she sleeps for longer in the buggy or car seat-that's completely normal. She will still take what she needs on her next feed.

As babies get older they go longer between feeds. Don't let the feeding time stop you going out and starting to get on with things.

And just be careful you don't get used as a comfort as opposed to feeding. U did this with ds1 and he 'fed' every 2 hours for 4 months. I was a wreck.

You're doing fabulously bf and doing fab with the weight gain. But you don't need to micro manage it. If you're feeding on demand, don't worry about the time spent on boob.

Congratulations on your dd. babies are awesome (and very tiring)

Lots of the sucking might be comfort rather than actual feeding.

Don't worry, go out, they will get what they need, especially if you make sure you offer regularly.

Also, be aware that time feeding decreases as they get older and get more efficient at it. Mine could get a full feed in 2 minutes after about 2 months old (extremely fast letdown though, probably not normal!)

In fact, enjoy going out at this point, when they get older (3-4 months etc), mine got too distracted by stuff going on out and about and refused to feed anywhere but a quiet room!

Boys - you say "And just be careful you don't get used as a comfort as opposed to feeding".....gotta point out that comfort is part of the early feeding relationship and it is fine to be used in this way :) :)

When you're used as a dummy every two hours for four months, that's not fine. Comfort is different to feeding.

Comforting a newborn is obviously fine. Cuddling, snuggling etc but getting into the habit of offering boob at every whimper is going to cause problems for mum and baby.

I'm with tiktok it is absolutely fine to be used as a dummy for however long it takes. Babies eventually stop needing the constant comfort and I even managed to go back to work full-time (7 - 7) when DD was 14 weeks and still ebf. I gave up bf at 15 months and really missed the instant comfort that booby could offer, especially when childhood bumps and scrapes occur.

blusing you had a scare and now you are using your iphone app as a crutch. The best thing you can do is put down the phone and be guided by your baby. As long as there are plenty of wet nappies and baby is healthy, happy and growing nicely, there is no need to worry.

Of course she may demand less when there are other things going on, especially as she is starting to notice that there are other people in the world than the "mumandher". (At this point she still thinks you and her are the same person, she hasn't yet realised that she is an individual.) We all eat less when we are distracted - that's normal.

Anyway, I am more than happy to tell you that you are being ridiculous. So sit down tonight, have a glass of wine and a piece of cake and start planning the odd day out for you and baby to enjoy.

Thanks guys - I knew I probably was bonkers No seriously, reading your comments has made me cry - in a good way! It's just good to hear someone say they think I'm doing ok and we can start to return to some kind of normality. It's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster and I'm so looking forward to good out and enjoying my beautiful girl

good? - going out!

Boys- it is up to the mother what she thinks is fine. There is no evidence that breastfeeding on cue 'at every whimper' causes bad habits, it works just fine for a lot of families.

blushing I hope you manage to build up your confidence and enjoy your DD :) Do you think going along to a BF group would help make you more confident? Is there anything nearby?

You're not bonkers - its totally understandable after the start you've had! FWIW I was a little bit irrational control freaky with DD1, after a similar bad start. But it took me until DD2 to relax into parenting. Well done for getting this far this soon

You could use a sling (a stretchy wrap is good for newborns, or you could try a torso carrier or soft structured carrier with an infant insert) instead of a buggy, she will snack more and sleep-feed then as the milk is easily available. I wouldn't count though.

boys its very normal for an ebf baby to want feeding every 2 hours. Did you know breast milk is digested in around 90 min so its perfectly possible that they need feeding this frequently.

blushing your doing fab. just throw the clock out the window and watch your baby. no need to Timmy lengthy of feeds.

Sounds like I had a very similar experience to you blushing...13% weight loss by day 3 and we went to SCBU. Were told to feed every 3 hours without fail (we breastfeed exclusively). When we got home I was setting alarms and felt like I was losing the plot. Within a few days I came to my senses and feed DD when she wants it. She's only up once in the night which is great and when we're out she does get less boob time than when we're having a lazy sofa day. She was weighed on Sunday (day 24) and had put on 11oz in 6 days. I was pretty bloody chuffed with myself after our scary start . Get out there and enjoy x

Go out and enjoy yourself! Sounds like you are doing fine. Babies are very clever and even if little one is having less, which I seriously doubt, they will make up for it elsewhere.
Boys, women wouldn't have been given such a useful tool if it wasn't supposed to be used or it needed to be restricted. I have allowed my 12 month son to bf at 'every whimper' and the only thing I have ended up with, is a very content little boy. Boobs are a one stop cure for all and whether they are used as a dummy or not, it's perfectly ok to do so and perfectly normal

get out there! mine (13wks) really varies - some days she's very active and feeds a lot, every 90mins! Others she's mostly asleep and will 'tank up' later on :)

i feed at every whimper - if in doubt, get one out for me there's no point trying to fob her off, if she wants feeding nothing else is going to work anyway so just get on with it!