Adding a night ff

[Softlysoftly]

Anyone done this just one bottle a day? What effect will it have?

DH insists he is giving 1 bottle of formulae tonight at about 11 :( I'm sad as managed to EBF for 5 full weeks but it's his child too and he has had no bonding at all as she just cries for me. He wants to feed her, to give me a solid block of sleep as she rarely goes in her moses and pointed out she needs to take a bottle when I go back to work at 6 months.

I am worried as dd1 rejected me as soon as she had a bottle but that was introduced on day 2 so hoping if I've got this far it won't happen again?

I'm also not convinced that it will solve her not wanting to lay down, it's not like she won't sleep it's just she won't sleep anywhere but on me! And we won't co-sleep for a variety of safety reasons.

Any experiences?

My friend did this, she introduced one bottle in the evening to give herself a break and to try and stop the cluster feeding that her DD was doing. It worked well for her, however she always expressed while her DH gave the bottle as she was worried about it affecting her supply. She did this around 6 weeks, and breastfed exclusively apart from that feed until about 3 months when she gradually started giving more formula.

I think if it's what works for your family then that's fine, I have to be honest though and think your DH is utterly out of order. He can bond with your child without feeding, and shouldn't be forcing you to do something you clearly feed so strongly about! Is it the formula or the bottle which you're not happy about? Could you express and DH feed that to DD? He needs to look at what is best for your daughter, not just for himself, is there any reason he can't take her out, play together, snuggle up for daddy-daughter cuddles? My DH rarely fed our son (I mix fed from the outset with no nipple confusion if that's any help) yet DS has always been incredibly close to my DH.

I was going to say your DH can't insist really!

as you say there's no guarantee of sleep either.

My DH rarely fed DS1 (i expressed occasionally) till I went back to work at 6 months and they bonded fine. By then he was starting on food too so your DH can do that as well when the time comes.

I know he shouldn't and if I stand my ground won't but I think I'm not flatly refusing in case he's right.

My fear is I'm going to suffocate DD2 by falling asleep on her I'm so exhausted as I'm getting max 1-2 hours sleep in a day. He has to sit and watch and wake me but works nights so can't always be here. He lost his younger brother to SIDS so for us that fear is always lurking. Logically I know the ff will give me one feed early on where I can sleep as he feeds and holds her therefore reducing my exhaustion level and getting us through this newborn not laying down phase. At the moment she won't even be held by anyone but me without screaming.

My fear and why I'm not happy isn't the formulae itself as dd1 was ff but that she will like the bottle and reject me as dd1 did I really don't want to stop bf.

I also am having a mule moment, DD2 at 5 weeks is still tiny had weight poo and jaundice issues and we are just starting to come through the other side, all the way through I've had bottle bottle bottle from both sets of family and HV which makes me think "fuck you I'm not even giving one" so when DH who is totally supportive of me bf gives a logical reason to give 1 bottle I react. He says I shouldn't lump him with my feelings for others as we are the family unit not them.

Gah that was an essay sorry! Am torn!

Stick up for yourself!!

If 'DH' really wants to be useful, and give you a break, he can stick the dishwasher on, do the ironing, etc.

If he wants to bond, tell him to bath the baby, change nappies. Ih he cares about whats best, he will support you in exclusively breastfeeding. Has he heard of the virgin gut? If you dont want to give formula to her then dont! Your supply is still being established, and replacing one night feed with formula may interfere with that.

Babies not wanting to sleep anywhere but on their parents is normal, and entirely reasonable if you consider where they came from! Something a lot of parents deal with. You DH thinks formula is the answer? ....

Please do what YOU want OP. If you want to EBF, and are happy to do so, say no.

BTW - Co sleeping IF done safely, IS fine. Feeding laying down saved me from a nervous breakdown....

At the risk of being really unpopular - formula is a SIDS risk (in the sense that not breastfeeding is a SIDS risk) and this is as per the FSIDS website btw. Plus suffocation/overlaying from extreme tiredness isn't the same as SIDS itself - obviously the end result is very sadly the same though.

If your DH is at work at night can you co-sleep then? At least you could rest in a safe side lying position (if you have your bottom arm outstretched then you can't roll over without dislocating your arm) while you bf, even if you put baby back in the cot when they were fully asleep (roll baby on to their back when they have finished bfing).

The trouble with bfing sitting upright when very tired is bfing makes you sleepier, if you then slump forward baby can fall on the floor or be smothered, at least if you are side lying with baby tummy to tummy, no duvet on baby (tucked at waist level under your hip if you need it or just use light sheets/blankets tucked under hip), baby not at pillow level or able to roll on the floor/get trapped between bed and wall/cot then baby isn't going anywhere and neither are you if you fall asleep.

Or are there other reasons that you can't co-sleep?

If DH is adamant he is going to give baby a bottle, could you express? A 5 week old would only need a couple of ozs especially if you fed her and then went straight to bed. It may not help her with bonding with DH though and there are plenty of other things he could do with DD2 that are bonding and have nothing to do with her food - having a bath together, having her in a wrap/ring sling and taking her for a walk (while you sleep!), baby massage, skin to skin cuddles on the sofa (but def. no sleeping for him!!).

there are plenty of other ways your DH can bond with your baby (as Truthsweet says above), his desire to share feeding really shouldn't compromise your wish to breastfeed and your baby's needs.

it will affect your BF supply if you introduce formula and I agree that if you have to compromise at all, it could be by expressing some milk for your DH to give to your baby.

well done on bf despite all the pressure from other people. you have done brilliantly in the face of stiff opposition and are doing absolutely the right thing for your baby.

I'm sorry it's so hard for you, but perhaps giving DH some other bonding opportunities and expressing (if you think this is a compromise you want) will improve things. I would say that if he is going to give a bottle, it may be better if it's not the last feed before bed, may be it could be one around dinner time, so you can go and have a bath/nap.

Thankyou all, I've spoken to DH honestly about my feelings and he has said he never meant to force the issue but we need a solution to me sleeping and he still thinks formulae is an option as it worked with dd1, I disagree as she was always happy to sleep alone anyway.

Cosleeping would be the solution as I am sitting and slumping which rightly scares the shit out of him and me. DH is happy to go in the spare room but I still have "risk" factors I'm overweight, we have a pillow top mattress and the toddler sometimes creeps in though a gate would solve that. I'm so scared to do it are there any fabulous tips for getting them in a Moses without making them cry? wants the moon on a stick

I do need her to take a bottle at 6 months for work but I do think expressed milk would feel better, when is the ideal time to introduce a bottle not too late to be rejected or too early to interrupt latch? Is giving expressed milk then not exclusively bf? Shouldn't matter but irrationally attachment wise it does!

Dh does cook our meals, bath and bed dd1 etc so isn't as crap as I make him sound [guilt!], we have left it as we arent doing anything yet but a bottle and the electric pump are in the steriliser.

Oh bless your dh, it sounds like he's just desperate to help.

Have you looked at co-sleeper cots? They could be a good solution.

You are still exclusively breastfeeding if you give expressed milk. If you want to try a bottle you could, but it might be worth getting advice from a Bf helpline first. La leche league are very helpful. The kellymom website is also packed full of info.