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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Do babies who will only sleep after bf grow out of it ... or not?

18 replies

bumbleweed · 28/02/2006 11:43

Its just that dd is 19wks now, and apart from when in pushchair or car, will only sleep, even when really tired, if I feed her (bf). Even if she's only had a feed like an hour ago or sometimes less.

All the books, even the non-crying ones, say try to break the link between feeding and sleeping, so that they can learn to settle themselves to sleep.

I cant bring myself to do this as always concerned that she is getting enough milk, and want to feed on demand - even if for comfort as well as food.

What happens to babies who are demand fed and always fall asleep on the breast? Need reassurance please!

OP posts:

Clayhead · 28/02/2006 11:46

Mine did, and I didn't push it, sorry, got to go, more later

Clayhead · 28/02/2006 11:50

Sorry about that, parcel at the door!

Mine were both fed on demand, both fed to sleep for ages and then they just stopped doing it, sorry to be so vague, it's just that it was never a big thing, they just sort of stopped, at around 10 months - 1 year, IIRC (as they started to eat more and more solids). They are 4 and 2 now and go to sleep really well.

HTH

Clayhead · 28/02/2006 11:53

Just to add, personally, I think it's a lovely, and in hindsight quite short, time when they feed to sleep and I enjoyed it with ds (2nd child) as I was more aware of this.

Please don't worry about it if it is something you both enjoy.

Tatties · 28/02/2006 11:56

DS is almost 11mths and he still needs booby to fall asleep... but I'm sure that won't always be the case. When I stopped worrying unneccesarily about 'sleep associations' and creating 'bad habits', feeding him to sleep stopped being a problem. These books would have us believe that our babies need to fall asleep independently from day 1 or they'll never do it!
Just do what feels right and let your lo fall asleep in the nicest way possible. Then you will be creating positive sleep associations for her She will grow out of it when she is ready

Tommy · 28/02/2006 11:57

DS2 was like this as well. He still not great at going to sleep on his own TBH but I reckoned that was just the price I paid for being able to breastfeed him! (DS2 wasn't very good at it!)In fact, I carried on his afternoon feed for longer so that he would have a nap after it.
They do, obviously, grow out of it - haven't breastfed DS2 to sleep for about 18 months now but then he is nearly 3....

WigWamBam · 28/02/2006 12:00

My dd breast-fed herself to sleep until she was 2 years old, when she decided she didn't want to be breast-fed anymore. I worried that she wouldn't be able to settle herself to sleep on her own but she did, right from the very first night we stopped the breast-feeding - I guess because she'd always been able to settle herself when she woke in the night.

As Clayhead says it's such a short time in the scheme of things - if you both enjoy it then what's the harm?

RosiePosie · 28/02/2006 12:05

I really hate all the advice saying break the link between feeding and sleeping so they can learn to settle themselves. They're so young for such a short time. So what if they need they're mummy to help them off to sleep for a year or two? My dd was fed to sleep for around about a year to 18 months. I can't remember exactly when it stopped, it was gradual. I still get into bed with her every night for a five minute cuddle, because it's just so nice. She's nearly 2 and a half now.

If you're happy to do it, then don't worry - it will stop, and probably a lot sooner than those stupid books lead you to believe.

agalch · 28/02/2006 12:06

Both my ds2 (now 10 and gave up when he was 2.5) and dd age 19 months were fed to sleep and fed thru the night and i co-slept too. If it suits you fine if not i would try to break the habit now as the longer it goes on the harder it might be.I am pg and due in July so god knows how i'll cope with a nwborn demand feeding and dd still up thru the night!! But thats a whole other thread lol

LeahE · 28/02/2006 12:25

DS was fed to sleep for ages and then just stopped needing that. He's 13 months now and will still sometimes feed to sleep but mostly will feed and then go down awake and settle himself. I think I wasted valuable time worrying about "what if we can't break the habit" when he was younger, but it was really a non-issue.

Laura032004 · 28/02/2006 12:51

Another positive result here - ds was fed to sleep up until about two weeks ago - he's now 23 months. I was really worried about how we'd get him to sleep, but he now has a cup of water and a rice cake in bed with me while we have a cuddle, and then I put him in his cot wide awake. No problems at all.

The bedtime sleep was the last one we still bf for, so he had been going to sleep without bf at lunchtime for quite a while.

Miss it now :(

rosied · 28/02/2006 13:00

Have another positive result here - both my ds1 and ds2 fed themselves to sleep and I can't remember it ever being a problem - I have a fantastic memory for problems so I suppose it just wasn't an issue.
DS2 bf to sleep for almost every one of his 3 going-to-sleep times (except the odd time with DH, but no real struggle there as he was sung rugby songs and that worked a treat!). DS2 suddenley stopped bf at 10 months and I worried that he wouldn't be able to settle off to sleep, but he did with no trouble. We just snuggle up together and he nestles into me and I can then put him down almost awake - if he cries, my hand on his tummy & soothing shushs is all it takes.
Some of my loveliest memories of both my boys are off them feeding themselves off to sleep - treasure it while it lasts!

Original poster

bumbleweed · 28/02/2006 15:43

Just got back in and read all your messages and I defo feel better!

You've kinda confirmed what my instincts were telling me, but those naggling doubts were making me worry.

Now I just need to work out how to get dd to stay asleep for naps once I have fed her to sleep - but thats a different thread!

Thanks for the positive stories thats exactly what I needed to hear

OP posts:

Walnutshell · 22/03/2006 19:42

Glad I found this thread, have 5m ds and was concerned by all the 'advice' against bf to sleep although feels beautifully natural to me.

Think there is a bit of an obsession with early independence in Western cultures. Read a lovely paragraph in a book which talked about interdependence being far more important than independence. After all, who is - or wants to be - totally independent? Especially our lo's.

Hoping that my instincts are to be trusted and me and ds will move away from bf to sleep when ready. Would hate to look back on this time and wish I hadn't wasted it getting stressed.

FrayedKnot · 22/03/2006 20:06

I stopped BF DS to sleep before his nap at 12 months, stopped BF back to sleep at night at 13 months, and stopped last feed before bed at 19 months.

He has never had a problem going to sleep by himself since, and naps 1-2 hours and sleeps 12-13 hours solid most nights.

It's all rubbish about making rods for backs etc IME.

Walnutshell · 24/03/2006 17:21

FrayedKnot - how did you stop the bf to sleep? Did your DS always nap in his cot?

sfxmum · 24/03/2006 17:36

hi
my dd used to bf to sleep for daytime naps. at nightime i started slowly from 8-10wks to bf last thing after bath but would make sure, most days, that she was put in cot still awake, albeit drowsy. overtime that worked well and eventually(about 7m) she stopped bf before dropping off to nap

i must say i was in no hurry to change this because i am taking a year off, it might have been different should i have hasd to return to work earlier. dh also helped with this settling her at night and sometimes during the day.

good luck, its tiring but it gets better

this is all based on advice from penelope leach, your baby and child book. it worked well for us

Thell · 24/03/2006 19:11

thanks for this thread guys!
my dd is only 3 weeks old, but the feeling of being overwhelmed during the baby blues period sent me into panic and reading all books i could get my hands on!
i am convinced my daughter is not physically able to send herself to sleep yet - she has to be fed or rocked, and sleeps miles better now that we are co-sleeping.
i am sure it won't always be this way, and it is nice!
my only worry is babysitters - if she bf on demand, will i be able to produce enough milk for my mil to take care of her without me and my udders there?!

Walnutshell · 24/03/2006 19:54

Thell, I would recommend you start expressing some and store it up ready for babysitting needs. Having said that, I had grand plans about leaving my ds pre-birth, but 5m later have managed about 4 hours max (a one-off) and generally feel the pull home rather than worrying about banking milk! If you need a babysitter when your lo is a bit older, you could always leave formula and try 2 hours at first, building up to a whole evening (when you will probably fall asleep in the restaurant!)

I didn't even consider the whole independent sleep thing for the first few months - bit oblivious rather than anything else. Go with your instincts. (Still feeding my 5m to sleep with some progress towards putting-into-cot-drowsy but not worried about it after reading other threads on MN)

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