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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

don't know what to do next.

23 replies

lizzieangelbug · 28/06/2012 20:13

Hi, I'm a new member and new mum and I'm finding breastfeeding very difficult. My 4 day old daughter latches on sucks 3 to 4 times crys and pulls away. Its heartbreaking. I end up in tears and in a lot of pain. She's been treated for tongue tie and can latch on fine but it just feels like a constant battle. Yesterday was a successful day as I had a midwife or my mum help me but iv just been expressing and syringe feeding her. Breastfeeding is what I want to do but I'm finding it impossible and feel like I'm failing her. When she's there and feeding its a lovely experience but its just getting her there. Any help would be gratefully received. Poor husband is so supportive and talks me though things and only wants me to be happy and do what's right for me.

OP posts:

Babylon1 · 28/06/2012 20:19

The first thing you must not do is feel guilty or beat yourself up about the while breast feeding thing

At only 3-4 days, your milk may not have come in properly yet.

Your dc should be weighed tomorrow on day 5. There is an expectation that she may lose some of her birth weight, but she also may not.

My DS is 9 weeks tomorrow and I found the first 7 days the most difficult.
My colostrum was very very rich apparently and settled DS for hours, which worried me. He fed very sporadically, cried quite a bit and I was sure he was starving and I wasn't filling him.

By thd end of the 2nd week, things were different again. He's now been ebf for 9 weeks and it's going great, I had given up by this point with both dds.

Please don't beat yourself up though xx

Babylon1 · 28/06/2012 20:20

And congratulations on your newborn

Original poster

lizzieangelbug · 28/06/2012 20:24

thank you, your kind words have given me hope. I think I need to be more patient with her too we are both learning. :)

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PeggyCarter · 28/06/2012 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TruthSweet · 28/06/2012 20:33

Have you tried (or even heard of) Biological Nurturing? It's an easy no stress way to spend time with baby while letting their instincts help them to bf (even if they don't bf they really enjoy the skin to skin contact). Website explaining all is here.

As Babylon says it is very early days and even very experienced mothers are just getting to grips with bfing at 3 to 4 days with their new baby. It's a learning process on both sides so patience is definitely a virtue while you both work it out. Especially considering your baby has had a TT released!

Congratulations on your new baby girl thanks

Mammahippo · 28/06/2012 21:27

Don't feel sad (or at least try not too which is SOOO much easier said than done given that you have just had your life and body turned upside down...) bf is definitely not easy and the majority of mums I know have had some kind of problem with it. It DOES get better, as others have said, it is a learning process for everyone. I found bf difficult for a variety of reasons but after a few weeks things seemed to suddenly 'click', then after about 3 months it somehow got even better. That said, whenever I see friends who a ff their babies it seems that life is so much easier, but I remind myself that I would not give up the intimacy and connection I have with my baby through bf easily. Do stick with it, it will get easier, you are definitely not failing your child. See a bf counsellor, try to stay calm and keep trying.

Pogger · 28/06/2012 21:42

Congratulations on your baby :-)

As everyone has said, please don't feel like a failure and try not to get disheartened - easier said than done, I know. Your milk may well not have come in yet. Even though baby may be finding this frustrating, it will soon be a different story - the fact that you're enjoying the feeding when it's working means all you need is milk!

DD2 had her tongue tie snipped and was unsettled and fussy for about a week. The LC warned me that babies can take a while to learn how to feed 'properly' and the snip itself can bother some babies more than others as it heals.

Finally, do keep asking for help - it's lovely that having your mum with you helped so much. Having other people around you can make a massive difference and can stop you feeling isolated - don't be afraid to lean on people, take it a day at a time, and be gentle with yourself.

Keep going - you're doing fine and it's all bound to get easier from here, honestly.

showtunesgirl · 28/06/2012 23:01

Also just to say that Day 3 / 4 is usually when you are feeling the biggest wave of Baby Blues. I most certainly felt awful and rubbish as a new mum. But then things got better and now here I am EBF a 7 month old. :)

And if you have questions, keep asking on here. I have found it a real BF lifeline!

pookamoo · 28/06/2012 23:06

Congratulations on your beautiful baby!

All good advice on here, you're doing really well, and your milk may not even have come in properly yet so it's such early days.

Can you find out if there's a breastfeeding support group or "cafe" locally? I found my local group an absolute life saver.

Babylon1 · 28/06/2012 23:08

It is true about there being a marked difference at 6 weeks too.

You're doing really really well, do keep going, you'll crack it.

Original poster

lizzieangelbug · 29/06/2012 08:51

thank you ladies, I'm gonna keep trying and try the biological nursing. My bf councilor was talking to me on the phone about it last night and also said if I like can arrange a vist. I'm going to find a local support group to as there seems to be a few quite close by. Thank you again for all your support and kind words. It makes me feel better :)

OP posts:

KatAndKit · 29/06/2012 11:48

Hopefully your milk has come in now. A good idea is to have a nice skin to skin day. go to bed with your baby, no visitors allowed, have lots and lots of skin to skin and let your baby have plenty of time at the breast. Stop the expressing and syringing unless a health professional is instructing you that you need to do it. Relaxing in bed will make feeding easier. Take up the bf counsellors offer of a home visit - a proper expert might make a real difference and it is hard to help over the phone. The first week or two is really hard work but it does get better.

pookamoo · 29/06/2012 17:30

How are you doing today, OP?

Original poster

lizzieangelbug · 29/06/2012 20:28

I'm ok. mw came round and stayed for ages watching me and helping me to get her to latch on. We came to the idea that DD is very impatient and frustrated. its as if my boobs don't work fast enough. I'm still expressing and now using a bottle to feed her as at least she's still getting breastmilk, unfortunately its still not enough that iv had to top up with formula. I know this is very controversial but it satisfys her, she's very hungry. Maybe breastfeeding just isn't for her. As long as she's healthy, which she apparently is, surely that's what matters? (sorry for spelling.)

OP posts:

Original poster

lizzieangelbug · 29/06/2012 20:29

I do a lot of skin to skin as I love it, it makes me feel close to her and happy that I'm her mum.

OP posts:

KatAndKit · 29/06/2012 21:14

I would urge you to get a home visit from the bf counsellor before you carry on down the formula top up route if you really want to get bf established. Midwives are not always well trained about breastfeeding.

showtunesgirl · 29/06/2012 21:28

I would say that all babies at five days old are impatient and frustrated whether they are FF or BF. Up until now, they have had food on tap via the umbilical cord and are now having to learn a new skill.

The only way to get your supply up is to feed often and keep switching sides. If the baby makes a peep put them on the boob, when they come off and they still squawk, put them on the other and keep on going back and forth until they are finished.

The problem with giving formula now if you would like to do BF is that it sends the message to your breasts that they don't need to make more milk and at this stage it will make it difficult to establish supply.

I second what KatAndKit said and that you should see a BF counsellor if you would like to continue.

pookamoo · 30/06/2012 19:48

Good advice from showtunesgirl

If you are hoping to continue breastfeeding, definitely see the bf counsellor if you can. They will be able to help you drop the bottles if that is what you want to do. If you continue with the top-ups, your breasts will get the message that they don't need to produce as much milk, which at this early stage could really mess with your supply.

Not trying to scare you, you are trying and doing so well for 5 days in!

Every squeak the baby makes, give her the boob until she falls asleep! x

Suckeddry · 30/06/2012 19:54

These midwives & their rubbish feeding advice really annoy me! My midwives spent ages helping me but it still resulting in me feeding DS with a full Tongue tie for 6 weeks through mastitis & thrush. If it wasn't for the great MN support/advice I would have given up. happily I didn't & it's now great

If you do want to breastfeed showtunesadvice is spot on. My milk didn't come in properly until day five, so do bear that I'm mind. I wish I had understood the importance is establishing supply & that sucking is the major part of that.

I would definitely get a lactation consultant to visit if you can, I found it really helpful. Breastfeeding is so hard in the beginning & such a massive learning curve. I'm 12 weeks in now & loving it - really never thought I'd say that.

Pogger · 30/06/2012 20:04

Lizzie, I was exactly where you are and completely get where you're coming from. And you're right - the main thing is that she's healthy and satisfied.

All I would say though is that it also depends on how you feel, not just at the moment but also in the future when you look back on these early days. If a part of you regrets the formula then you should stop the top ups right now, resign yourself to another week of fussiness and a bit of a feeding marathon, in the knowledge that your baby and your body WILL get into synch. I half didn't believe the advice myself, but the supply and demand thing is the fundamental truth of BFing... honestly. It will all fall into place, but you would need to cut the top ups out now because you're at such a critical point in terms of supply.

Having said all of that, if you feel happy in yourself with the formula and if you are ok with a gradual move to FF, then don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it for a second. You are your baby's mum and you know what's best for both of you. Enjoy your baby and carry on.

Original poster

lizzieangelbug · 01/07/2012 17:27

I'm talking to bf councillor tonight to arrange a vist and my milk supplies are ok as if I'm not trying to get her on the breast I'm expressing every 3 hours to keep it going and feeding her that through a bottle. I ain't gonna give up! She's happy with my milk which makes me happy :) only one small ff today. thank you again for all your advice its really helped me and I feel really supported because of it. Midwives advice was so confusing, its a different one every day so its great to get a constant source of support from you guys, my hubby, mum and bf councillor.

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Babylon1 · 01/07/2012 21:40

Glad you're persevering lizzie. If it helps reassure you anymore, my DS is 9 weeks now and BF seems to be established well. He is feeding pretty regularly, has some cluster feeding in the evening and is now sleeping from approximately 8/9pm through until 5am ish.

I'm glad I persevered and I'm actually really enjoying it now!! Gave up far too easily with first two DCs and DS is my last baby, so I'm savouring every moment

Good luck!!

Original poster

lizzieangelbug · 03/07/2012 12:55

trying out the biological nurturing and dd seems a lot more comfortable and happy, though early days. Bf councillor was brilliant! Kept me calm & happy.

OP posts:

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