Never settles!

[blushingmare]

Hi
Just wondering if anyone can give me any advice or reassurance. My lovely daughter is 19 days old today, she is my first and I'm exclusively breastfeeding and totally new to it all!
She is currently feeding like mad - often hourly or two hourly during the day and about three hourly at night, which I know is all to be expected. But I just can't get her to settle in her Moses basket, she just has to be held constantly. During the day this means she is always in my arms, although I have had a couple of successful sleeps in the sling but she has to be in the right frame of mind. At night I am feeding her for as long as that takes and then having to sit up with her until she falls into a really deep sleep - this can take 30-45 mins and then I very cautiously put her in her basket where she normally stays asleep until she next wants to feed. If I move her to her basket too soon before she's in a deep enough sleep, I have to go through the whole cycle of feeding and settling her again! It's just exhausting in the middle of the night and means I rarely get more than 45 mins sleep in one go. Sometimes I fall asleep with her sleeping on me and then wake up with such a panic that I could have rolled on her or dropped her or something.

I know breastfeeding is full on and people say this won't last forever, but I'd just like to know if this is a normal pattern and if there's anything I should be doing to help matters. Or is it just a question of waiting for it to pass? It will pass wont it....?!

Dd2 is 4 weeks and I could have written your post word for word apart from she rarely goes 3 hours between feeds ever either.

DD1 loved her Moses and settled easily so this was a shock to the system but seems it can be normal!

While exhausting and doubt-inducing, it is completely normal newborn behaviour. She's feeding like mad to set your milk supply up. She wants to be in your arms because only a couple of weeks ago she was in your womb! She wants to be close to you because you are her world. Your smell, touch and heartbeat are the best and only thing she knows. We're one of the only mammal species that don't (culturally) keep our babies 'on' us. Moses basket may look nice and cosy but it's nothing compared to a lovely bosom!

Persevere with the sling - what type are you using? Lovely stretchy ones like a Moby or Caboo are great for newborns. You can also feed in them to free your hands up for a cup of tea/biscuit/bar of choc/laptop.

Do you feed lying down and co-sleep? It's definitely worth looking into how to do it safely. Lovely snoozy feed then everyone back to sleep, with no sitting up, rocking or waiting for deep sleep. Done the right way it's completely safe. Again, while it's not the norm in the west (and a lot to do with fear-mongering about SIDS etc) all around the world families share beds because it's the most sensible thing to do for their circumstances.

You're doing brilliantly. It will pass. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but in the scheme of your daughter's life it's the blink of an eye. Enjoy it.

Hi OP,

Like softly says I could also have written this. DS is 4wks tomorrow and I go through exactly the same routine with the moses basket dance.
Other things I have tried with very limited success - but might work for you
Putting my breastmilk on some breastpads and placing in moses basket
Placing moses basket on an angle i.e head elevated (ds has mild colic)
Making a kind of nest in the moses basket with a towel under his sheet
Swaddling (this has a 50/50 success rate at the minute)

Other things I've still to try if I ever get a minute :) -
white noise
Getting rid of moses basket and trying his cot
Any other suggestions greatly appreciated....I echo your comments, "it will pass wont it"....

Oh forgot to add I have moby wrap and he likes to sleep in that - but my we both get so hot in there...

Thanks for your comments - good to know there are others out there in the same situation!
Mombo I have a Babyhawk mei tai - find it's quite good, but she doesn't always want to be in that froggy position against the chest position and I worry a bit about having her in it too long because her legs seem to go quite white in it, like the circulation is being restricted a bit.
Where do I find some good sensible info about co-sleeping? It's not something I'd like to do long term (DH and I are already sleeping apart due to her sleep pattern and him still having to get up for quite a pressured job, and we have a small double and a tiny bedroom so wouldn't be room for three in a bed!), but am wondering like you say, whether it would get us through this stage a bit more easily and more importantly, safely.

Hi. Congratulations. Honestly, google co sleeping! Its a god send and very lovely. We manage it in a bog standard double bed and me partner and baby all sleep very well in the same bed. As my dd has got older, 12 weeks now, i've found that I can put her in her crib for the first part of the night then note her into our bed for the rest of the night so she's not in with us all night and this is something that kinda happened naturally so I dont think then will always become stuck on it. When she stirs I pop boob in mouth still lying down and she feeds for however long and normally I fall back asleep whilst she's feeding and wake up 4 or 5 hours later! Sometimes she's still latched on but not actually sucking! No need for my partner to wake as dd never cries as she's latched on before she's even properly awake so he gets full night sleep in same bed!

DD was exactly the same as a newborn and we fell into co-sleeping as and when it was appropriate for us. She always started the night in her Moses basket after a long feed and a looooong wait on my part for her to be in a deep enough sleep to move. When she woke I fed her lying down in our bed and if I fell asleep too then we co-slept and if I was awake I moved her back to her bed when she was soundly asleep. It made the world of difference for us and I became much much more chilled out about night wakings. I'm convinced it kept me sane. Now at 7mo she sleeps most of the night on her cot in her room and usually wakes between 5 and 6 am when she comes and feeds in our bed and we both nap until we feel like getting up. It still takes a while of feeding, waiting for her to be deeply asleep and then gently putting her down at bedtime though.

i never would have thought i'd co-sleep but needs must so for 3 months when DS was born DH slept in the spare room and DS and i had the king size bed to ourselves. DD is 2 weeks old and we've no spare room this time but are co-sleeping once again. i just fold my pillow in half, sleep on my side, move DH's pillows over a bit and put her in the gap.

i actually use the moses basket to wake her up if she falls asleep mid-feed. one minute in there and i know she'll be back on the boob again!

swivelhips

I can vouch for white noise baby app on iPhone keeping them asleep longer on e they are down.

Crib for us was a fail as she felt even less secure!

Swaddling is now not advised according to our mw due to overheating risk though that's what I did with dd 2yrs ago.

I accidentally co-slept last night feeds g lying down but it does scare me in case my huge boobs smother her!

Just another idea which also works for us is we bought a cheap crib and did a bit of diy on it by removing one side and putting feet on it so its the same height as our bed and push it right up against our bed so dd has her own bit. Its like an extension of our bed. I often roll dd over to her side if I dont fancy her in the bed for whatever reason.

And swivelhips with a name like that are you into trampolining?! Random q and completely OT I know but I had to ask!

Trampolining? Blimey I wish....its not the right thread to go into detail about the name but it was all before I was pregnant. I think my new name should be replacementhips :)

Softly I have read that about swaddling so I only do it at night with a large muslin, and I am totally paranoid about checking him (no wonder the little fella cant sleep with my big moon face staring at him). I'm going to download some white noise tonight and try it tomorrow, doubt DH will enjoy womb sounds in our room tonight.

I've become a bit paranoid about swaddling too, especially since DD came out of her very sleepy phase a d wriggles like crazy in the night, dislodging swaddle and ending up with it near her face. So I now have her in one of these
www.lovetodream.com.au/
which is much better (and looks exceptionally cute too )

Oh can't do the link on my phone, but google "swaddle up" and you'll find it!

Oooo Babyhawks are lovely! Have you tried her legs out (with the sides rolled in) so she's supported knee-to-knee? That may improve circulation issues, and maybe make her feel a bit 'freer'...

In fact, for info about babywearing AND cosleeping, have a look at Natural Mamas