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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

16m DS breastfeeding, feeling exhausted and undermined

5 replies

hoosyermama · 21/06/2012 21:09

I stopped bf my DD when she turned 1 and imagined I would do similar with DS but as its happened he has proven to be utterly devoted to the breast. I've gone with the flow (pardon the pun) and I have been mostly happy to continue with giving him what he wants (been co-sleeping too and the two have gone hand in hand). Over the last few months he has become very insistent and at night basically launches himself at me and helps himself! Around this time he started to slip his hand down my top and grab at me, I try to discourage this (especially in public!) but more than that I am finding it is all getting too much and I am exhausted with lack of sleep and frequently, lack of space (I am on my own for large chunks of time as DP works away) and I'm seriously thinking of throwing in the towel but have no idea where to even begin. Added to that I am feeling undermined by negative comments from my mum who has no insight into bf as she bottle fed me and my siblings from day one. She thinks bf at 16 months is wrong / unnecessary and frankly distasteful. My elder sister is the same despite bf her two children in the early months, she finds it all a bit weird. I stand my ground and tell them to keep their comments to themselves but it is undermining. I have no previous experience of advanced bf and I would just like to hear from others who are doing this, of insistent help-yourself babies and how long to persevere and how to wean them off? All I hear is "cold turkey" and it sounds like hell!!

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LaTristesse · 21/06/2012 21:21

Can you find a bf group where you can meet other bf mummies, and others feeding toddlers too? I understand you feel undermined by family comments but you're doing the best for your DS, and in an ideal world they should a) support you in your choice and b) be deleted you have their grandson's/nephew's best interests at heart. Finding some like-minded folk to hang out with could help you feel more in control and empowered.
As far as your DS goes, it sounds like you might be experiencing a bit of regular toddler behaviour creeping into feeding. If you want to continue, you can on your terms, maybe teach DS some bf manners Grin. Or how about cutting down so you don't feed at night, might this be the time to end co-sleeping? Lots to think about, but whatever you do, do it for you and your DS, not your family please!

LaTristesse · 21/06/2012 21:21

That's delighted, not deleted!

PeaTarty · 21/06/2012 21:28

We begun to wean about a similar time as I needed some space back. I wanted to do it gently though so started with the 'don't ask, don't refuse' line where you don't actually offer breast when you normally instinctively would, after a fall or similar. I found even though I wanted to stop I did just reach for breast whenever toddler came to me. After a week or so I actively tried to distract when she asked but still didn't refuse if she really wanted it. I can't remember how it finally tailed off and oddly can't remember the 'last' time. You can also begin to say 'later' when you are out or busy, as long as you do actually make time for it later.

Hope that helps! Obviously if you're happy to continue that's great but this worked for me when I'd reached the point where I wanted to feed less!

I think I had meant to keep a night time feed at my husband put her to bed for a few nights and then when I did she didn't ask so I didn't offer!

BonzoDooDah · 21/06/2012 21:42

Don't know what to suggest really but wanted to say well done you for persevering so long and giving your son such a good start in life. Raising children is knackering so do what's best for you now.

Maybe try wearing a tight fitting top that he can't get into and say "last drink before bed"? I'd personally try and wean down to a couple of feeds a day (morning and bed-time) and try distraction the rest of the time. Unless you really want to carry on ... don't give up for what anyone else says.

For what it's worth I BF my two til 16-18 months and they both ended up just a bed-time feed and then DD went cold turkey (got DH to take her to bed a few nights til the habit was broken) and DS seemed more interested in his dummy (breaking off BF to have a suck of his dummy - cheeky git!!) so I just stopped it with him and he didn't seem at ALL bothered.

Good luck.

hoosyermama · 21/06/2012 22:22

Thanks v much for your thought and experiences, LaTristesse there is a bf support group near to where I live though I always somehow imagined it was for mums with newborns! Don't know why! I'll look into it. DP and agree that the co-sleeping has to end but a wall needs to be built (literally) before he can be in his own room so he is still with us in our room. I'll continue to buck the negative comments, I think I'm happy to continue bf for now providing it is on my terms and I manage to regain a bit more control. PeaTarty, really good to hear of your experience, great starters to go on there and I'll def try to become more aware of the patterns we're in and then try to adjust / reduce to get him into more of a routine with it. BonzoDooDah - funny to hear of your DS breaking off for a suck of the dummy lol! The clothes that offer no access is a good one, I'm often like this on the days I work and yes this approach definitely works. I feel I can exercise more control as he does brilliantly without me and it's just generally a before bed feed on these days. It's on the other days when he has me to himself and at night that it seems to go pear shaped! Thanks again

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