Tandem/extended feeding dilemma

[DitaVonCheese]

If the thought of breastfeeding a child who can ask for it weirds you out, please look away now ... I'm currently bfing 3.5 yo DD and 11 mo DS. As I have often ranted on the tandem feeding support thread, I am now totally over bfing and want to stop in the not too distant future (or sooner). My current plan/hope is to start winding it down just after DS's first birthday next month. DS is not actually too bothered about bfing. DD however is a milk-obsessed mentalist and always has been.

I've suffered from some anxiety in the past few months and have been having some talk therapy from the NHS. I've been feeling pretty perky for the past couple of weeks :) I have absolutely hated bfing/tandem feeding at times but am now in a much better place with it. Over the past month or so I have restricted DD's feeds to morning and bedtime only (DS is still fed on demand, though doesn't demand much). For the first few weeks she seemed to have taken to it really well, but then started asking for it more and more during the day again. Today she really wanted it and it felt really hard to say no :( This evening in bed she was telling me that she wanted to start having milk in the day again.

The thing is that I don't know how much my improved mood is related to cutting down bfing or whether it's purely incidental. In the frame of mood I'm in now I wonder whether it would be okay to increase bfing again, even though it feels like we're going backwards. I really want to stop, but I also know how important it is to her, which is why we're still going in the first place. Sigh.

Lost track a bit of what I was asking Suppose I just wanted advice on how I can balance her love of/need for milk and my desire to stop. What I really want is for everyone to tell me that their toddlers weaned themselves overnight on their fourth birthdays ... yes?

It seems like you've got the balance right at the moment. of course she'll ask for more milk, it's lovely and she's 3 and she sees her brother being demand fed and is wondering if maybe she could just perhaps have a teeny bit of what he's getting. They all ask for things they like all the time, don't they, especially when their little brother's getting some. At the moment she's getting the milk and you're feeling better, so its sort of win/win. How would you feel if you increased the feeds and then needed to reduce them again but the whole process was then much harder? Which of course it might not be, but it would be a shame to put yourself back in a position of anxiety when you're feeling better again, but of course only you know yourself and her and how it might go.

I'm sorry I don't have an awesome self weaning story. I'm very impressed that you have tandem fed. I managed it for a week and HATED it. suddenly my 2.3 DS became this greedy giant who stole all my tiny newborn dd's milk. I weaned him cold turkey, which took 3 days and about 200kg of chocolate buttons, which I'm sure is not how it's supposed to be done. my dd is 2.1 and feeds about 10 times in 24 hrs, so yes, exactly like a newborn. i told myself i'd give her till 2 but i don't have the heart to stop yet. I'm hoping I'll suddenly find the whole thing repulsive again like I did with ds and then the buttons will come out again.

anyway,sorry for blathering on. good luck in whatever you decide.

Dita, I have followed your posts on the tandem thread (can't believe your DS is 11mo now!) and I'm glad that you're feeling a bit better about things.

First of all it is absolutely OK to cut feeds down if if makes you feel better. BF is a 2 way thing. The majority of 3yo are not BF at all so what you are doing is amazing :)

I don't have a magic weaning story either although my DD1 (3.8yo) is a total milk monster too and has suddenly become very easy to distract (this has coincided with the start of strawberry season). It used to be that she'd roll around screaming if I said no to a BF but now she'll just go 'awww' in that way that all children do when you tell them they can't have something. She's also been asking for proper food and drinks a lot more often.

They do grow up! Maybe when you're least expecting it, and maybe very suddenly. From what I've seen and read, the majority of children do self-wean between the ages of 3 and 4- not sure if there's any data to back this up- but things will change and your DD won't need the breast so much.