Crisis of confidence! Dc number three, sleep and bf-have I done the right thing?

[Molehillmountain]

This is a bit mad! Dd2 is dc 3, I've bf all three until at least 18 months (time will tell with dd2 as she's only 11months). I've done pretty much ebf with dd2 and she's now starting to really enjoy food, even though the quantities aren't huge. She's gorgeous, growing and content. Just not a great sleeper and co sleeps with us. Until this week she's had a big wake up - 1-2 hours per night but we haven't sleep trained as I can't stomach crying and it leaves me a guilt stricken wreck. I feel pretty confident that this approach is the best for us, even though I'm tired to the point of snappiness, I know that the alternative would be a messed up head and still possibly not a skeeping baby. So why did a mother from school, pregnant with number four mess with my head when she was talking about sleep training from twelve weeks and how it was unfair on the family to do anything else? I think maybe I feel guilty about how looking after dd2 has taken me away from the other two dc, who do adore dd2, and made me a cross mother. I just want a bit of a boost that I haven't been wasting my time with bf at all hours these last months. The first three were great-dd2 started out as a ten hours sleep by six weeks kind of baby...then regressed! Bit rambling-sorry. Just don't want to look back with guilt over dd2's baby time.

I think only you can decide what is right for your family, I also think what is right may change over time.

FWIW we didn't really sleep train. I only have DC1 at the moment (although DC2 on the way). He was waking about twice a night from around 5mo onwards, and I fed back to sleep for just about every waking. When he was around 11mo my DH sent me to the spare room for a night. DS didn't drink much of the EBM I'd left, but he did go back to sleep for DH, with a few tears at that first waking, but not much fuss after. From then on, when I was getting too tired, DH could give me a night off which really helped. I did have a look at the No Cry Sleep Solution. It gave me a few ideas to try, although I'm not sure how much difference it made. It also reassured me that his sleep wasn't that unusual. If the waking is getting too much, the NCSS might be worth a look - it's not really sleep training, but ideas you can try to try to change sleep associations and encourage longer stretches of sleep. However, if you're ok with how things are, that's ok too.

Yes, you have to do what's right for your family and ignore bossy mums at school who have no idea what suits you best, any more than you know what works for them.

But what works for you doesn't have to be set in stone. It sounds like you are feeling unsure now because it isn't working. You're shattered, grumpy and feel DC 1&2 are missing out, and the baby's sleep pattern is getting worse not better. You are allowed a rethink. You don't have to stick to one method if it stops being effective. You can explore other ways, including ones that you hadn't considered before, or that wouldn't have worked for DC 1&2. Don't let guilt stand in your way of trying new ways to get her to sleep. (It took me years to realise this. I was always fretting how other people did things, and what was right or wrong, then suddenly clicked that what was right was what suited us all, as a family group, and everyone else could do or say whatever they liked.)

There are lots of ways to help babies get to sleep in their own beds. It doesn't have to be controlled crying. I used a method where you just bore them to sleep, by coming in every minute and saying 'sleep now.' That way, you don't ignore them. They know they're not abandoned, but you don't make eye contact or touch them. It worked for us. It may (or may not) feel right for you.

Good luck. Those shattered, grumpy days are tough But they do end.