Day 4 - really struggling to keep it together

[Bumper1]

Hi everyone
My gorgeous son was born in the early hours of Thursday morning. Feeding was going well and his nappies have changed over the last few days as I had expected. He also has wet nappies.

The problem is, last night he seemed to start to struggle at the breast. He can get latched on but then either sucks a few times and falls asleep or sucks a few times and pulls off crying. At points last night he wouldn't latch to one of my breasts at all.

I lost all sense of perspective but at some point last night he took both breasts for a good while. This morning we've not managed more that 10 minutes on one side. He is sleeping a lot too.

The other thing which is adding to my hormonal crying and distress is that once fed he will only settle in someone's arms and so both me and my husband are totally knackered.

I'm so worried that he isn't getting any nourishment and that we are doing him harm. I have called the hospital helpline and although they are happy to listen, they don't seem that concerned. They told me just to keep offering the breast but I am worried something is wrong when he pulls away crying. The breast feeding co-ordintor is supposed to be coming to see me tomorrow but I just can't see us getting that point without me having a total meltdown.

Am I doing something wrong? Is my baby starving???

It could be normal or it could be a problem! If he is still having enough wet and dirty nappies I wouldn't worry. He won't starve by the time the BFC comes anyway, and she should be able to help if you're still having problems by then.

Stressing about it won't help though as it can impair your letdown and affect him if he picks up on it. Try warm baths with him, lots of skin-to-skin, sling during the day, these can encourage you both to relax and him to feed.

Re the sleeping, you could learn to feed lying down and co-sleep with him. This is a major skill that can get you much more rest in the early days. Also he'll be more likely to feed if he's next to an accessible breast all night :)

Hi there,

First of all, try not to panic (easier said than done I know) -it sounds like you are doing fine and while I know it can be very distressing to watch your baby behave in the way you are describing, I have heard lots of mums describe exactly the same, especially in those first few days.

I hope someone more knowledgable will be along soon to help explain why this might be happening in your case but in the mean time I just wanted to give you these phone numbers:

Breastfeeding helplines
National Breastfeeding Helpline
0300 100 0212
National Childbirth Trust
0300 330 0771
Breastfeeding Network
0300 100 0210
La Leche League
0845 1202918
Association of Breastfeeding Mothers 08444 122949

I know it can seem like the last thing you want to do when you are upset (I kept putting it off but wish I'd rung sooner) but they are completely used to talking to you through tears and are just fantastically helpful. Really do try to ring- they will be able to help you understand everythingyou describe and give you fab strategies to overcome it.

Try your best to keep calm and don't worry I'm sure your LO is not starving. Oh and congratulations!!

Firstly. It is NORMAL that he will only settle in your arms. A few days ago e was snuggled inside your tummy and has been through childbirth and into a big scary world. So cuddle away. Do not, I repeat, do not entertain thoughts that you're doing any harm or creating a rod for your back etc. those are bolloks words my second is 6 months old and has changed so much. I'd forgotten what newborns were like but they really do need you pretty much all the time for the first 12 weeks then slowly they can be put down more.

Secondly - it sounds like the struggle to latch was your milk coming in making your boobs bigger and harder for him to get a good mouthful. Again, normal. Try and stay calm, baby will sense your tension. Don't leave him to cry for hunger - that makes him difficult to feed as he gets upset and frantic and struggles to coordinate. It's hard work for newborns.

Keep baby with you. Feed as soon as he starts rooting (turning his mouth towards whatever is touching his cheek). Strip naked if you need to. You shouldn't be moving from the sofa anyway!

How are his wees and poos?

Thanks to you all for your support and helpful advice.

We've had a better afternoon with a couple of long feeds. Still struggling with my right breast but just offering it at every feed to encourage him. We've seen a dirty nappy with quite a volume of poo so that has reassured me too. I've now got a vague log recorded of how things have been going to share with the BFC tomorrow. My baby is sleeping soundly between feeds and so seems content which has also cheered me up no end.

TMI alert - I also lost a massive blood clot this afternoon which I think may have been contributing to my feelings of despair.

Thanks again for all your support, I've never posted on mumsnet before but I'm sure I will again.

Sending you most enthusiastic congratulations on the birth of your baby and reassurance too. You seem to be doing everything right and your concern is a credit to your innate mothering instinct. My daughter slept about 18 - 20 hours a day for the first week, always in our arms, and never fed for long stretches, just very often (still does and she's just turned 2 . Nothing prepares you for the intensity of that first bit, and it is useful to remember to take things really slow and steady, an hour at a time. And then bit by bit, you realise that you're getting it right.