Feeling a bit sad about my Mum's experience of breastfeeding

[MediumOrchid]

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, I just want to sort my thoughts out, I think.

I'm an only child and my Mum tried to breastfeed me (this was nearly 30 years ago). She stayed in hospital for about a week after I was born. She always told me that she had to switch to formula because 'she didn't produce any milk', and I had always accepted that this was the case. It's only now that I'm pregnant myself I've read a lot about breastfeeding and asked her more about her experience. She was advised to switch to formula by the midwives as I had lost weight - this was on the 3rd day after giving birth. She then had to stay in hospital for longer than usual until I had regained the weight.

Now, having read up on breastfeeding I understand it's not unusual for milk to take 5 days to come in. Also, babies often lose weight in the first few days, and will regain it later. They will be getting colostrum during this time (which my Mum didn't know about). Of course, I don't know how much weight I lost, and I was a small baby to start with (5lb something), so a formula top up might have been entirely appropriate. But it didn't need to mean the end of breastfeeding.

I absolutely don't blame my Mum for formula feeding, and it's not as if I have any health problems I could attribute to it - I'm very healthy. I think she was let down by the health professionals. She describes the midwives as being very supportive, but ultimately they don't seem to have had the correct knowledge to support her successfully. I'm also not saying that I'm sure my Mum could have breastfed, but having tried for only 3 days we'll never know.

Now I haven't had my baby yet so have no first hand experience, but I am determined to breastfeed and expect that there will be support available for me to do so. If I succeed I hope my Mum doesn't feel bad watching me feed my baby, knowing that it might well have been possible for her to as well if she'd had similar support. I just feel sad that she missed out on that experience.

As I said, no real reason for this post, but does anyone have any thoughts about the changing attitudes towards and knowledge about breastfeeding since they were babies, or had a mother in a similar position, or been in the same position themselves?

I wasnt BF as I was a preemie. I always assumed it wasn't possible to BF preemies 35 years ago when I was born, but reading the politics of breast feeding, kangaroo care, makes it possible. I haven't heard of any hospitals that use this system in the UK.

My mum BF my sister for 2 years and she was really surprised at how I feed my DS as she was told to feed 10 minutes on either side. I feed on demand and let him have as long as he wants! I don't know how she managed to go for so long with that advice.

I think to improve BF rates in the UK, women should be encouraged to attend a BF session like the NHS antenatal classes that gives detailed advice on latching, cluster feeding, how to avoid mastitis, etc. Most w

I got cut off! Most women don't see other women breast feeding, so it becomes something mysterious for the general popupation. I was treated like someone who deserves special praise at the clinic for ebf for 3 months as there are so few women doing it in our area!

Just got back from holiday and caught up with this thread.

NapaCab, did you actually read my OP? Where do I say anywhere that I blame my mother for not breastfeeding?? I am very healthy so have no complaints at all over how I was fed! I'm just a bit sad that my Mum missed out on the chance of the breastfeeding experience, which I know was something she wanted to have. Maples - thanks for your support.

thezoobmeister - I have just finished the Politics of Breastfeeding! It was very good, I'd thoroughly recommend it to anyone considering breastfeeding.

I'm aware that not having had my baby yet I can't comment on how easy or hard breastfeeding is. I'm certainly not expecting it to be easy! But the author of the Politics of Breastfeeding describes, in cultures where there is no formula feeding, such as tribes in the rainforest away from other cultures, it is unheard of to be unable to breastfeed. She describes how women laughed when told that people in the UK read books on how to breastfeed! Breastfeeding is so much a part of their culture that women have grown up seeing it done and therefore know how to do it already, and there is lots of support from other women in the community. Here in the UK we have lost these skills that women have had for generations, and even though breastfeeding is now very much encouraged many well meaning health care professionals still don't have the skills to give the right advice and support to new mothers. Which is why it is so, so sad that many people today, like maples and thezoobmeister say, believe or were told that they couldn't breastfeed, when, had they been given the right support or lived in a culture where breastfeeding was the norm, they could have done.

I really don't mean to come across as superior or critical of people who tried and failed to breastfeed - I may well become one of them! However, I really do believe that these failures are down to a lack of support and information/knowledge, rather than any physical defect.

Orchid, I relate to your first post.

My Mum had a similar experience to your mum when she tried to bf me in the 70s. Fwiw, she found watching me getting the hang of bfing ds2 really helpful in getting over her sadness/unnecessary guilt.

She's never been anything less than supportive when I ffed ds1 or bfed ds2.

I hope you have similar experience.

Sounds like you have read some good stuff and I don't think you come across as being superior at all. Most women don't achieve their bfing goals because of societal etc pressures and lack of support/lack of bfing being normalised. I think it is quite clear you are not making criticisms at all!

Yes and it's also about expectations of how a 'normal' baby behaves.

Many of us (me included when I had my DD) expect babies to latch on straight away, to feed at regular intervals with several hours gaps, and be contented in between. Some of the most popular baby books perpetuate these myths. No-one tells you that it's normal for a new baby to ...

• take a few days or weeks to learn how to latch effectively
• feed constantly at first, on and off, little feeds combined with sleeping
• want to stay in close body contact with mum or dad most or all of the time.

When these things come as a shock, then it's all too easy to conclude that something must be wrong and BF isn't working. And so many mums blame themselves - which is so depressing, cos it ain't true and it ain't their fault ...