11.5 mo decided no more bf - feeling so conflicted!

[kf1979]

Not sure what the point of this post is really, just wondering if anyone had any words of wisdom!

My 11.5. mo DS has spontaneously self weaned around a week ago after being poorly with roseola and there's seemingly nothing I can do to coax him back to the boob. I checked with his doc and was told it's ok to switch to cows milk at this stage so that's what we've done. It's actually been v straightforward and he seems quite content.

Thing is, I'm feeling really quite sad about this. I had originally planned to wean at 12 mths anyway but had felt my resolve wobble a bit as that drew closer so had pondered continuing just a bedtime feed until he didn't want to any more. Now he's made that decision I really miss it and feel quite upset.

I know it's silly, but I didn't want the memory of my last feed to be him arching his back, screaming and pushing my boob away until I gave him a bottle instead. He's also not a cuddly boy so bf was pretty much the only close cuddles I'd get (unless cuddles by stealth when distracted with Peppa Pig count!) :o

Added to which, people keep telling me I should be happy to finally have my body back and grateful that it's gone so smoothly. They're right but I feel so conflicted. How can I start to feel a bit less upset about this? :(

Sorry, that's quite a whinge - apologies, and thanks if you got to the end! :o

Ah bless you. I also intended stopping at 12 months but didn't saying I'd let DD make the choice when to stop. She never did though. I'm pg again and my milk has dried up and even now she's trying to drynurse (very painful). I only wish she had self weaned.
I know you will be feeling sad right now but your little one has decided and that really is the best way.

Hi kf,

It is normal to have sad feelings when breastfeeding ends, it is a big milestone. These feelings will go with time, if you have been happy with the way things ended. Don't listen to other people telling you how you should be feeling- everyone is different and it's OK to feel sad, nostalgic etc. if that's how you feel.

This sounds like a nursing strike to me rather than self-weaning. If you really wanted to then you may be able to get him back to the breast-- would this be something you are willing to explore though?

There are other ways to be close to your DS like maybe taking a bath or a nap together or carrying him in a sling if he's not the type to sit down and cuddle.

I think exploring the way you feel is important, maybe you could chat this over with a breastfeeding counsellor over the phone or even in person?

You need to think about whether this is the right time for you and your DS to stop breastfeeding, not whether everyone else thinks this is a good time for you to stop. :)

I agree with EauRouge - it does sound like a nursing strike rather than a self weaning. There is lots of info on helping baby to nurse again on Kellymom.com here but if you don't want to go back to bfing then that's fine too - 11m is a great achievement - you can still feel sad at the end of bfing even if you aren't planning on returning to it.

All the very best.

Thanks ladies! Great advice all round here.

I will explore the idea of a bf counsellor, although we're not in the UK so unsure as to whether they exist here. Also, Kellymom a great site too - don't know why I didn't think of that earlier.

I think because I'd had this minimum 12 month idea in my head, to get to 11.5 mths and be so close somehow feels like a failing. We were v lucky that bf was quite smooth for us after a traumatic delivery (emcs under general anaesthetic) so it probably feels like a bigger deal than it would normally, iyswim?

Anyway, thank you all for helping with a bit of clarity. This site has been my go-to option since DS was born - problems like this make me feel a long way from home and I've no-one in RL to talk to about this kind of thing!

Hi - my 13.5mo has had 2 nursing strikes and has come back from both of them. Obviously Kellymom has all the info (I found LLL useful too) and you can work out if you want to try and get him back on bm, I found nursing lying down just as he was going to sleep did the trick and it was worth the effort.

I also gave some expressed milk from a cup in the morning.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Thanks for the tip - I'll give it a go. At least then I can say I've tried everything and hopefully move on with a happier frame of mind if it doesn't work!