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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

How to wean when your child really doesn't want to?

17 replies

rubyslippers · 04/06/2012 18:58

That's it in a nutshell

Am done - DD is 2.5 years

I want to stop - she's going to go crazy

Today I refused when she asked and there were floods of tears and upset

I've started to say to get when she stops she'll get a dolls house and she's up for that but she probably doesn't get what it actually means

Any advice would be much appreciated

TIA

OP posts:

Iggly · 04/06/2012 19:25

How often is she feeding? Does she feed at bedtime?

I stopped with DS just before DD arrived - he was 2.2. But we kept going with feeds every few days until about a month ago.

I basically had to make sure I didn't offer, not even accidentally. Eg cuddling DS in certain positions, wearing low cut tops or sitting in our usual feeding chair would all result in him wanting boob. So had to not do any of those.

If he asked directly, I'd distract by offering him a snack first or getting a toy and saying he could have some afterwards, by which time he'd forget. If it didn't put him off, he could have a feed but I'd take him off after a minute or so.

It took a while but we got the feeds right down to every few days. Once he stopped feeding for a couple of weeks and he tried again but couldn't latch on. So from then I could tell him it was broken.

Original poster

rubyslippers · 04/06/2012 20:10

Hey Iggly

She feeds morning and night when I'm at work

If I am at home every half hour

If I sit down on the couch she wants to feed - as soon as she wakes up she wants it and is very vocal about asking for it

I've tried counting down but she tells me not to count if I say we're having a quick feed

Am stuck

OP posts:

Iggly · 04/06/2012 20:50

Blimey! Can you try and cut one feed first - the morning one? Then the night one? That's how I started. I'd either get DH to get DS up or give him a yoghurt. Some instant gratification for ds. Bedtime, I changed his routine so he had a glass of milk, then boob then story. Then got DH to do more bedtimes so he got used to no boob, then I'd conveniently skip boob (didn't always work so I'd feed) and straight to story.

If you can get her to not have one feed, that would give you the hope that you can do it. I even offered DS a chocolate biscuit on occasion

Do you think she's feeding for comfort or thirst in the day times?

WitchOfEndor · 04/06/2012 21:02

Gosh, that's a toughy! DS is 24 months and I'm in a similar boat ( although he doesn't feed as often during the day as you are doing). I don't have much advice apart from dont sit down! Are there any activities she likes doing which would extend the time between feeds? If DS gets into the garden with a watering can he is happy for ages and instead of settling down for a feed/sleep at 9:30 he can last until 10:30. If she feeds so often then she isn't doing a proper feed it's more like snacking because you are there (like me and chocolate) so if you aren't as easily available then she should get out of the habit ( although there will probably be some protests!)

I hope someone with better advice comes along as I need their help too!

OhThisIsJustGrape · 04/06/2012 22:16

Well... DS was exactly like your DD sounds. Plus we co-slept so he helped himself all night too!

We decided to go cold turkey (cutting down just never happened as he would go nuts when I refused), and get him sleeping in his own bed. I gave him his last ever feed at 10am yesterday when I put him down for a nap, I then put a plaster over my nipple (!) so that when he woke up I could tell him that mummy's booby is broken. He did whinge, for about 20 seconds, before having another look just to make sure and has been fine ever since!

I honestly cannot believe he has accepted it, just like that. And I can say that yesterday and today have been the nicest two days I have spent with him in a long, long while - no begginge to sit down and feed him, no whining when I'm too busy to sit and feed him, we have cuddled without him clambering all over me trying to get to my boob. Downside is of course that I have one boob at least 4 cup sizes bigger than the other as the little monkey has only wanted to feed from my left side for past year!

DS will be 2 next week - I guess he is old enough to understand my boob is 'broken' but not old enough to question it.

Good luck, I have made myself ill this last week worrying how he'd take it but the reality has been better than I couldn't hoped. I know if I'd just said 'no' to bf requests then it would've been much harder for us both.

Original poster

rubyslippers · 05/06/2012 17:46

Oh thank you everyone for posting

I appreciate it / I can't wait for DD to self wean as I don't believe she will

She had fed every 30 mins since 4 ish :-/

I have thougt about the plasters and pleased to hear it works

Maybe the anticipation of trying to wean will be worse?!

OP posts:

OhThisIsJustGrape · 07/06/2012 10:07

We're on day 5 now of cold-turkey and I'm still stunned by how well DS has taken it! He hasn't asked for it at all, is happy just to cuddle (which is very uncomfortable as he insists on putting his head on my still ridiculously large engorged boob :()

Even better than that, he is sleeping in his own bed and slept from 7pm until 6am last night!

Just go for it OP, DS' reaction to it all may just be luck but you couldn't have found a more boob-addicted child than him, honestly!

Original poster

rubyslippers · 07/06/2012 17:22

Grape / that sounds better than I could hope for and gives me reassurance

How is the engorgement? Are you doing cabbage leaves and painlillers?

OP posts:

OhThisIsJustGrape · 08/06/2012 19:05

Engorgment is awful. Am taking ibuprofen and also Sudafed which apparently helps to dry milk supply up. It contains paracetamol too. It's just so uncomfortable, it is starting to go down but my wardrobe choices have been severely affected by it this week! It would have been lovely had both sides been like it (given that I'm a AA cup when not bfing) but the mono-boob look is definitely not one that I can pull off successfully

Set a date and go for it. Dh booked this week off work so that he was here to distract DS, he hasn't really needed to but it has helped to have him around - mainly because I've had a bit of a hormone crash and needed some support.

Tomorrow is DS' 2nd birthday party (actual birthday is Tuesday) and normally I would have been on edge wondering when he was going to start pulling at my top, wanting a feed etc. Now I am really looking forward to it as he is so different, gone is the clinginess etc :)

Original poster

rubyslippers · 09/06/2012 09:52

Happy birthday to your DS ...

The engorgement sounds painful but hopefully you're over the worst?

Last night DD was calling after she'd gone to bed for more ... I refused and after some crying she went to sleep ... Probably less than a few mins

Maybe it won't be that bad!

Enjoy the party

OP posts:

Buntingbunny · 09/06/2012 10:16

You don't you just carry on

Buntingbunny · 09/06/2012 10:18

Seriously why stop? Just be say no when it's really inconvenient. Nothing better than a feed and a smuggle in an evening or on a week end morning.

BertieBotts · 09/06/2012 10:29

Does she always feed so much, or is this a recent development? It might be a phase, in which case it will probably be better to ride it out and then think about weaning when she's not as enthusiastic.

The other thing to try if she's okay without it when you're not there, if circumstances allow, would be to spend a few days away from her, in the hope that she forgets about it while you're gone.

Original poster

rubyslippers · 09/06/2012 17:49

Bunting - the reason we got to 2.5 years was because I was so reluctant to wean

I say no, she sobs and I mean sobs

bertie - she's always been a very enthusiastic feeder

From birth it was like one big growth spurt

Are children ever willing to wean ?

OP posts:

Pochemuchka · 09/06/2012 18:02

I am toying with this or at least cutting down as DS feeds several times a night and although he is fine with no boob when I'm not there he wants it 3-4 times a day when I am
I'm pregnant and am in absolute agony feeding him. I was hoping he'd self wean like DD did when I was pregnant with him but no signs of that! He is a total milk monster!
I love feeding him but the pain is nearly unbearable.
Any other suggestions than weaning him? We all co sleep so that makes it harder to say no and him crying during the night might wake his sister up too.

BertieBotts · 09/06/2012 18:42

DS did used to be a frequent feeder. I'm not sure when he cut down but I noticed one day that he was only feeding morning and last thing at night, and if I got up before him he'd skip the morning feed without noticing. He's 3.8 now and only feeds at bedtime although often seems uninterested/doesn't do it properly and is unbothered when I take him off, or he just flat out says no, so I think he's winding down now. However, DP is leaving to work abroad in just over a week () so I have a feeling he might go back to being more reliant on feeding for the security thing.

They do eventually stop on their own. Most common age seems to be between 3 and 4 but they can go on longer. But at 2.5 it's totally possible that he's still quite reliant on it (sorry!)

Original poster

rubyslippers · 09/06/2012 19:13

Eek @bertie

I think a friend did say the hardest age to wean was at this point

I just don't think I can wait for DD to self wean as that realistically could be another year or more away and I feel done with it

OP posts:

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