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Infant feeding

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Please help me deal with this guilt - I know I am being daft but...

8 replies

ABitBlue · 03/06/2012 18:31

Hello,

I am really in need of some sane people to give me some perspective. A very brief bit of background: I had my lovely little girl 18 days ago, the birth was quite traumatic, a really hard and fast induced labour with no pain relief (midwives were rubbish), then DD's blood glucose levels crashed so she was in special care for 5 days and I had all kind of blood pressure nonsense so was put on quite strong meds and kept on a different ward in hosp although I could and did visit whenever I wanted for as long as I wanted (ie had no sleep as I was up with her the whole time).

The end result was that DD needed to be formula fed (and was on an IV for a day) and I was told I could breastfeed as a top up if I wanted to. But my body was so screwed up and I wanted to spend time with DD rather than expressing so I only managed a bit of breastfeeding for 14 days. By that time we were home, DH was back at work and I was struggling to feed DD the required amount of formula (to make sure her blood glucose stabilised) as well as expressing so I just had to stop before I imploded.

DD is thriving, she has already put on just over a pound, sleeps well and is bright and alert when she is awake. But I just can't help feeling I have let her down by not being able to breastfeed; the reality is my body just couldn't produce enough and I was flogging myself with the breast pump and making myself really miserable.

I know it's daft and I am really grateful that we both pulled through the birth and the days after it, I guess this just isn't what I'd hoped for and all the medical people I have spoken to have been quite dismissive of my decision to go 100% formula.

I just feel terrible. Can anyone tell me if this feeling goes away? Surely it's better for DD to be having formula than having a depressed mum and ropey old breast milk? I keep telling myself at least she got a good amount of colostrum and that two weeks of a bit of a breast milk is better than none but I think because the decision was forced on us by circumstances beyond our control, I am struggling with feeling like a rubbish mum. I really did try but the thing that really broke me was when lovely little DD stopped latching on when I did try breast feeding and I thought I didn't have much chance of ever getting to breastfeed exclusively if my body was still not up to speed and she had stopped being able to latch.

Surely if formula was that bad, the hospital wouldn't have put her on it in the first place? And at the moment, she needs every calorie she can get, and as I understand it, formula has more calories than breast milk? Confused

And just to highlight how ridiculous I am actually being, I was formula fed from birth and don't feel that I missed out and yet I am beating myself up about this. Soooooo daft!

Sorry for the ramble ... And advice much appreciated,

Thank you for reading my rant Thanks

OP posts:
Four4me · 03/06/2012 18:42

Oh love, massive hugs. You and your little dd have had a rough start.

What you are feeling is really common, esp as it is usually the first massive parenting decision you have to make. Yes bf is best for all the obvious reasons but your dd will be perfectly fine and is certainly not going to hold it against you as her Mummy. She will not be standing up on her graduation day and say 'and you know I was ff from the early days!!'

As I say parenting is full of difficult decisions and it can be tough emotionally as we simply want to do our best. Enjoy your newborn snuggles as she will be wriggling off your knee to trash your house before you know it!!!

BlackOutTheSun · 03/06/2012 18:49

''DD is thriving, she has already put on just over a pound, sleeps well and is bright and alert when she is awake''

You have got no reason to feel guilty, guilt is a wasted emotion anyway Smile

I could only bf dd for 6 weeks as she had reflux so couldn't keep the bm down. Switching to formula was the best thing I could have ever done. My choice to bf didn't go the way I had planned but thats life. Now go and enjoy your lovely newborn Smile

WinkyWinkola · 03/06/2012 18:58

Sheesh. I don't know much more of a hard time you want.

You and your DD have really done brilliantly through a really rough time.

I would just do what you have found to work best for you and get on with it. You can't waste your precious time on feeling guilty about decisions like ff and bf - it achieves nothing.

awigandalager · 03/06/2012 19:49

Stop feeling guilty. This minute! You've done the absolute best you can do in some difficult circumstances. Your DD is gaining weight and that's the most important thing.

Horm

awigandalager · 03/06/2012 19:49

Dammit!

Horm

awigandalager · 03/06/2012 19:53

Why can I not write that word properly!! Hmm

Hormones, lack of sleep is enough. Don't be beating yourself up with a big shitty guilt stick!

AnnieLobeseder · 03/06/2012 19:56

Oh, sweetie, you have a long road of guilt-inducing things ahead of you. It's called being a parent! You have got to learn to accept that your best is good enough, and not waste time on guilt.

You did your best, and your DD is fine, healthy and thriving. Be kind to yourself, learn to accept your own decisions if they were made in good faith with your child's well-being in mind. We are all only human, of course we won't always make the right decision; or good decisions will have a bad outcome regardless.

But you do your best. No-one can ever ask for more.

ABitBlue · 03/06/2012 20:14

Thank you all, I feel less like a rubbish mum! I have to keep reminding myself that we are safe, well and at home - all things that seemed a bit up in the air when DD was born.

I am trying to look on the positive side ... Like DH doing the midnight feed so I can go to bed early and get some sleep before the onslaught of night feeds.

Little DD is such a delight that I am hoping that's a sign that she's a happy little baby and getting everything she needs.

So I suppose I have a lifetime of this ahead of me?

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