Some support and any advice you can give desperately needed

[luckysocks]

I had forgotten how much I dislike breastfeeding.

Here's what I struggle with:

1. The pain. Both my babies were born with tongue tie. With DS, I never got the latch right and persevered for 7 months through thrush and severe mastitis (ended up in hospital at nearly 6 months but it took another month and a half to get him to take milk any other way). Both had it 'snipped' but DD, now 5 days, also refuses to latch unless I use nipple shields. My breasts are engorged and hard already and I can't stop crying because I'm worried the same thing will happen again if I persevere. I try to tell myself it will get better...but last time it just got worse and worse and it's a very dark time to look back on. I'm taking every bit of support I can get this time in RL but so far not sure how much impact it's having.

1. The sheer amount of time it takes up. Possibly made worse by the shields and by the expressing I also have to do to try to drain the breasts a little when they're still lumpy after a feed. I hate expressing.

1. The fact that I'm the only one who can deal with the night feeds. I managed 5 hours sleep last night which has almost doubled the previous record since pre-DD. The tiredness doesn't help - I'm utterly exhausted already.

1. I simply don't find it easy. I hate the grapple and I feel extremely self conscious feeding in public and at the moment I feel trapped.

1. This time I have DS to think about too and can't just leave him to entertain himself for hours while I feed DD. I'm also very emotional about how much our little world has changed and so this doesn't help.

I so want to stop and just use formula but then I feel guilty and really want to get breast milk into her. There's a lot of pressure from family too.

I really just need to talk this over, I don't know what to do. Thanks for reading.

try giving one of the headlines a ring they are there to lission and can talk everything through with you. It should help you make the best decision for you.

That should of been helplines sorry its my phone.

Hi luckysocks. Just read this and couldnt not leave a reply. I'm not an expert so don't have any amazing advice to give. I have just 1 ds who fortunately took to bf like a duck to water so have not been in your position. In my opinion though it takes more than just breast milk to be a good mother. Seek as much rl support as you can and persevere to your limit, but once that limit is reached maybe ask yourself what would benefit your children more - a breastfeeding unhappy mum who doesnt have the energy or time to play etc, or a formula feeding mum who is perhaps happier, more relaxed etc etc. It is a hard decision to make but I think you should do whatever is best for your whole family - including yourself. Just my opinion :) good luck and don't beat yourself up whatever decision you make - there is enough guilt in motherhood without giving yourself more :)

I went through nightmares when DS was born and I couldn't feed him (in shock, no milk, he wouldn't latch and so on.) I wound myself up into such a state and tried for 2 weeks. He nearly went back into hospital with dehydration. Eventually I switched to FF and he thrived. There's no doubt breast is the best you can hope for, but why beat yourself up if you can't feed or it becomes so traumatic? Personally, I felt guilty for about a year, but looking back I can see that I should have switched to FF earlier and avoided a whole lot of trauma, stress and heartache.

No one can make the decision except you, but remember it is your body and you are your child's mother. If you want to switch, you do not need anyone else's permission, nor should you (IMO) be given a flaming by anyone. You have tried your best and if it is not working out then you need to think about all options.

I know this isn't a popular opinion on many forums, but there is more to being a mother than how you feed your child. The most important thing is that your baby is nourished and that you are both happy and healthy IMO.

Thanks for your replies.

MigGril do you have a helpline in mind? One of the problems last time was that all the help I was offered came from very pro-bf sources. I REALLY wanted to continue and for it to work, but as a result I kept going for far longer than was appropriate for my health.

AlfieBear, wise words

WhirlyBird, thanks for sharing your experience, I'm so sorry you had the guilt too.

I'm going to try to set myself small targets and just see how it goes a day at a time. At the moment I cry whenever I think about it so that can't continue. I'd so hoped that this time DD would just latch and it would all work beautifully

Fwiw I think your plan to take it a day at a time sounds really sensible.

I believe any of the helplines would support you in whatever decision you wanted to make(including support to switch to FF). And if they don't, phone a different one and get someone more helpful.

I didn't have a tongue tie to deal with, but did have lots of problems with DS latching on and ended up using nipple shields for about three/four months. One thing I learnt of since that I wished I'd known about at the time was reverse pressure softening. If you want, maybe have a look and see if it could help in your situation?

Redkites, thanks for the links, the MN link was very useful - not just for the helplines!

I'm going to use this thread as a kind of diary I think, to try to keep my head straight and not just sink into panic (which is what I seem to be doing at the moment). Ultimately, the situation is that for my own health (and sanity) I want to switch to formula. For my baby, I want to stick with breast milk. I so much want to manage at least a month or so of bf if at all possible.

By early tomorrow morning I will have managed 1 week.

The problems this morning:

1. My left breast has mastitis already. It was angry red last night, less so this morning. Ironically, that was the side which seemed to be causing the least problems.

1. Both sides are extremely sensitive and painful.

1. I'm still using nipple shields and because the problems really started last time when I stopped, I'm now too scared to try to get rid of them.

What I'm going to try today:

1. Warm shower and massage to try to loosen the blockages.

1. I've taken pain killers this morning to try to ease that side of things.

1. I'm hoping to get time for a really warm bath, too.

1. Continue to express a little off after feeds as necessary.

1. Oh and... I need to call one of the helplines to see if they can offer any advice.

Hopefully I'll make it to one week!