I have tried EVERYTHING but bf just not working out this time

[crazy88]

It's a long story but essentially my letdown is not functioning properly. Ds3 (4months) is now refusing the breast, latching on but bracing himself against me and arching his back, pulling and fussing. I have given in today and given him a bottle of formula. Very very sad about it but I honestly think I have done everything I can. Am furious with myself though because I know it is all in my head - the milk is there, why can't I just relax and get a letdown?? Haven't managed to feed him since this morning and feeling full and uncomfortable now.

I know there is no advice anyone can give me tbh, I just feel sad. I feel like I have been on such a journey since I first breastfed ds1 5 years ago and then ds2 and I am just sad that it has all ended this way, esp as he is my last baby.

DH has told me to stop wallowing and he is prob right but I am just

hmm.. i think your letdown must be working, otherwise how have you fed him for 4 months?

the bracing and arching is quite normal in my experience, all 3 of mine have done that.

that said, i think if you're feeling anxious and stressed when you feed then it could potentially be affecting your letdown and also his behaviour if he's picking up on your anxiety?

presuming he has been gaining weight and is otherwise happy/healthy then is there a problem?
does he feed after he has fussed and pulled a bit?

Do you think he might have silent reflux? DD1 did and was an awful feeder and my letdown was really tempremental as a result. I only felt it for the first time at 6 weeks. It was the fussing and arching you describe which made me think. Is he a poor sleeper? Very windy tummy?

Letdown on left was always dodgy so i have been feeding on the right and then switching when he has finished that side - however, in the last week or two my letdown on the right has been v slow - up to 20 minutes at times. The more he fusses, the harder it is to relax and then I just can feel myself getting panicky and it takes even longer.

Definitely no reflux blooblies - he's actually quite a good sleeper and not really windy any more.

Thanks for replying

Thanks IvanaNap. I really do feel I have been through the mill this time and I am proud of myself for getting to 4 months - I didn't think I would make it to 6 weeks at one point. It's just cos I fed ds1 and ds2 for well over a year each and I wanted to do the same this time. I've always been lousy at expressing!

Yes I was doing that but now that side has packed in as well!

after a while you don't always notice your letdown though...

from what you've said I honestly am not sure what the exact problem is. is baby refusing to feed?
have you seen a breastfeeding counsellor?

if you want to stop and switch to formula that's totally ok. but this does seem like something that could be easily fixed...

I'm also lousy at expressing. I needed a bottle of it recently though so tried a final thing before I decided I couldn't do it. I'll let you draw your own conclusion by just saying this: there are other ways, when the baby's not around, to get oxytocin going. Maybe it would help you recondition yourself to relax and trust in your body for BFing.

with my first i could tell the let down with every feed. second time round i've struggled to tell could the back arching be something else. If you would rather continue then seek more help give one of the help lines a call.

Not clear what's happening, crazy - is he like this from the start or after the start? What about weight?

Thanks for replies guys. Yes it is as though he is refusing to feed. He latches on for a bit then starts whimpering when the milk doesn't come, and twists and pulls and starts yelling, by which time of course I am too stressed to have a letdown. I have managed to feed him today just as he is going to sleep so he is relaxed but not sure I can do this every time. am terrified of going anywhere and not being able to feed him! Have left a message for a lactation consultant and was also wondering about a nursing supplementer. Has anyone tried one of these? Can you use one when you are out and about?

ginger

tiktok he was not always like this no. He has been wriggly for a few weeks but have only started having slow letdown on my right for a week or so. I have implants which I think is why my letdown on the right didn't work properly, as I have reduced sensation on that side. My right was always like clockwork though. I wonder if it is because they do seem to get toughened over time and therefore I am now less sensitive on both sides