Extended Breasfteeding Bingo

[FetchezLaVache]

Didn't want to hijack cinnamongreyhound's thread, on which someone mentioned Extended Breastfeeding Bingo, so I had a quick google just for amusement's sake! Bingo card here Anyway, I noticed one of the soundbites was "I could never do that you're totally amazing, what a sacrifice". A cousin has a child of about the same age as DS. They started off ebf, moved to mixed feeding at about 3 months and LO had self-weaned by 9 months. Every time I've see my cousin in the last year or so, she's praised me fulsomely for still feeding DS (now 2.1) and it just feels a bit wrong somehow, without my being able to put my finger on quite why...

I can't work out if she genuinely means it, doesn't mean it but thinks it's the sort of thing you're supposed to say, or thinks I'm nuts but knows I can more than stick up for myself if directly challenged about such things.

Anyone else had that one, and how did it make your feel? Or indeed, any of the others?

Ah who cares what she thinks. It sounds like she is comparing herself to you so maybe a gentle reminder that its not a competition and different things suit different people?

If you think she is taking the piss do it back to her. "I think youre AMAZING doing all that sterilising/spending all that money" etc etc

Does 2.1 even count as "extended" breastfeeding?

Whenever the whole "if they can ask for it, they're too old" bollocks comes up I always act totally innocent and say something about milk teeth and natural term breastfeeding.

I only did 15 and 16 months personally, but it really grinds my nads when people carry on like feeding a child could ever be weird or icky or gross.

i've only done 5.5 months so far, but i was praised (genuinely) by the practice nurse yesterday.
obviously i'm pleased i've done so well, but it makes me feel quite sad that it must be so unusual!

That's the thing though, I genuinely don't care what she thinks, I just wish I knew what it was! I always take her commments at face value, but I do wonder why on earth she feels the need to bring it up every single time we see each other.

"If you think she is taking the piss do it back to her. "I think youre AMAZING doing all that sterilising/spending all that money" etc etc"

Nice suggestion!

I think Spring has it- maybe she's worried that you might be doing the right thing and she's not. It can be tough when other people's choices are so different- but you are both right because you're both doing what's right for you.

Yes, I think you both have something there. She's always telling me the story of when her DD self-weaned, almost as though she's trying to convince herself that it was DD's idea and not hers, IYSWIM...

I didn't realise there was an actual bingo card. I had assumed it was a metaphorical one!

I think sometimes people say 'you're amazing... etc' as they don't know what else to say, it's such an emotive topic for many. I agree that maybe she's sort of wishing she'd carried on longer and is over-compensating. I always think it's a funny compliment as bf'ing my 14 mo is so so much easier than in the early months - and that's how I normally respond, that actually bf'ing now is no trouble at all and dd and I both still get a lot out of it.

Well, I want someone to congratulate me for breastfeeding... DD is only 11 1/2 months, but nevertheless! I have started getting a few comments implying I'll stop soon such as 'it's only recommended to feed for a year isn't it?' accompanied with a worrying look.

I think though that people assume I BF my other 3 children.

Tbh, I think for some women it is a huge achievement to BF for any length of time. That doesn't mean there should be patronising 'oohs' as if they are some kind of martyr though and I do doubt most people mean well when they make that comment, not truly mean well anyway.

Perhaps she feels guilt at not being able to feed her DD for longer so she is coming to terms with it by constantly talking about it? I thought not many babies self wean before 18 months. I must say I'm only 4 months in to breast feeding and I do get HCPs, family and friends saying how impressed they are and how well DS is doing on breastmilk. I think it has become so uncommon that people are genuinely surprised it lasts longer than a few weeks. It also genuinely impresses me when I hear of extended breast feeding.

I'm starting to get this from MIL now that DD is past 1 (only 13 months though). MIL herself ebf her children to around 9 months (albeit with early supplement of solids), which was commendable in that era, but as I've never really figured out why she stopped (and she didn't really explain), I don't know whether she is really impressed with me or just a bit concerned. In any case it's not really her business as it's only first thing and last thing most days and DD is otherwise eating very well.

midori Congrats for getting to 11.5 months!

safetyzone- I think things were so different for our parents. My auntie was telling me about when my cousin was born in 1975 and the MWs timed feeds and did test weighing (before and after a BF to see how much baby was getting). Luckily my auntie and my mum were brought up to be assertive and confident so were happy about doing their own thing. I don't think my cousins or my DB and I would have been BF for very long otherwise.

midori - shocking people don't know the facts!
I hope you give them armfuls of pamphlets from the who and the nhs

I think that people who haven't any experience of longer term breastfeeding assume that it ties the baby and mother together in the same way as early days breastfeeding. I think it would be a big committment never to be apart from the baby for 2.1 years. But that's a totally different issue from bf'ing.

That's true, I blanche at the thought of a toddler cluster-feeding and I'm a seasoned pro! I do try to tell people about the reality of it (especially about how useful it is as a parenting tool) but it doesn't help that my eldest is quite highly-strung so I don't like to be away from her too much- I think people assume it's because of the BF.

I am BFing my nearly 9m dd and intend to continue until she self weans

my grandparents came to stay at the weekend... they were delighted to have seen a photo of her having a cup of milk

so said, well done, great that she drinks from a cup, i said yes but she has my milk too, 4 feeds a day.... could see their faces drop [no idea why as my mum was BF until 10m]

it was then time for a feed, so i said to DD "lets come and have some moomin milk" (I call her moomin as a nickname, and i call breast milk "moomin milk")... so i get asked "WHY do you call it moomin milk?" I answer honestly.... so that when she is older and she asks for moomin milk, she isnt asking for "booby" or anything else, and that only we know what it means.... also moomin milk sounds a bit like human milk.

You could tell by the looks on their faces how much they dissapprove of her being fed when she is old enough to talk (I have also been told out right that they dont like old babies being BF and that its wrong)!!!

just thought i would share

i know they disapprove but quite frankly i couldnt care less i will feed my infant human human milk for as long as she wants / needs it.

On a few occasions I've had, "Ooh, you've done well to get this far - when are you going to stop?", which I think is a polite way of saying, "Isn't it getting a bit odd to still be going now - surely you're going to stop soon?"

As others have said, some people make a big deal of it because you doing something different from what they did makes them feel defensive about their choices. Which is daft, but understandable.

There seems to be so little understanding of bf beyond the first few weeks that people assume that you carry on in the same way longer-term. (Actually, at 2 years, DS was feeding more often than he did at 3 weeks, but that's another story ).

midori, congratulations. :)

haha, thanks guys!