Advice, information and experiences of bf a 20 month old and beyond.

[cinnamongreyhound]

I know the topic of extended bf (if this is extended) is a controversial one but I would genuinely like some advice/info on this. I bf ds1 until 15 months and he then lost interest. Ds2 is 20 months and still bf first thing an last thing and although I don't have a problem with it I don't know how long I'm happy to continue. Dh is happy whatever I do and I don't mention it to others as I'm not good with negative comments and I know my mum disapproves. I have to admit I didn't like the idea of bf a child who could ask for milk but he does and it's actually fine. If I'm not around he doesnt have any other milk and is fine but he asks every day without fail. I don't want to say no to him as I believe he's asking for a reason and I don't feel strongly enough about stopping to argue with him. I wanted to bf them both as I felt nutritionally it was the best for them but also helps form a stronger bond. I'm interested in how people stopped before their dc wanted to and how they feel it affected them, what benefits you feel feeding longer has and how to cope with feeling you are hiding something/coping with negative comments if you are more open. Thank you :)

Hello :)

I think 20 months is a tricky age because then they are definitely not babies anymore. A lot of mothers have mixed feelings like you are having at the moment.

You don't have to plan ahead when you want to stop and if you do decide that it's not working out any more then there are gentle ways of weaning.

There are benefits at this age- the WHO recommends breastfeeding for at least 2 years. The benefits are not just nutritional either. You can read all about them here.

Some people face criticism for breastfeeding a toddler, others don't. You might be surprised how other people react- I found out that one of my friends who I've known for years breastfed both her DDs until they were 4- I had no idea! I think it's more common than most people expect.

As they get older it's much easier to be discreet about it if you don't feel comfortable with the idea of 'coming out'. Toddlers can be reasoned with and asked to wait, or distracted with a snack.

This is a really good book about breastfeeding a toddler and it has some ideas for weaning too.

I am just coming to the end of bf ds who is 2.5 (stopping so I can take some meds). It has been lovely .

I know that some people find it odd etc etc but to me it's the nicest thing I have done for him.

He has loved having a feed in the morning and at bedtime but he also feeds to sleep for his daytime nap and snacks in the day. Sometimes it has annoyed me when he's wanted me to get my breasts out in very public places, esp as he likes to fell one and feed from the other, but I have never had any negative comments to my face and really would have given anyone short thrift if they had commented negatively.

Be proud of what you are doing for your son .

I am still bf my DS at 2.6, and as ArthurandGeorge says, it's lovely. He still feeds quite a bit on days that I'm not at work, and it's the perfect parenting tool, treating tiredness, pain and grumpiness, and giving both of us time to sit on the sofa and read a book when the going gets tough. I can't really imagine looking after him without it. I'm not sure if there's any connection, but tantrums and bad behaviour are very rare indeed.

Like most people, I certainly didn't plan this, but we only ever bf at home, and it's very rare for him to ask somewhere else. If he does, he generally accepts 'when we get home' as the response. I don't feel I could handle having him ask in shops, the street etc, and hardly anybody knows (though I tell if asked). So, on days when we're out a lot and days when I go to work, he has very little milk, quite happily.

At this point bf seems important to him, and I'm pleased to oblige. I do think that if I decided to stop now (which I have no intention of doing), he'd be very disturbed.

I'd recommend it, completely.

Thank you ladies :)

Anyone else please?

I'm still bfing DS, who's 2.1, and we both love it. I work from home and we've just never had any reason to give up. Like your DS, he's fine without if I'm not around, but I've never not been night or morning. We don't have anyone who could have him overnight, it might be different if we did. I bf in public fairly often (DS wants Me More quite a lot if I'm around) and DS is enormous for his age, but I've never had any negative comments, funny looks or similar from strangers. I'm sure various friends and family members think I'm mad, but I really couldn't care less! I'd be more than capable of standing up for myself if directly challenged, but I think most people who know me are quite aware of this, which is probably why it hasn't happened.

Can you just give your mum to understand (politely and non-defensively of course!) that it's really none of her business?

DS is still going at 2.5, though he's a lot less interested since I got pg. I still feed him in public - until I got pg, he would always feed without fail for 5-10 mins at every toddler group, swimming lesson, church service, visit to friends etc. I don't get any comments. :)

I got more comments (mostly people asking when I was going to stop) when he was 12-18 months - after that, I think people either assume you've stopped or they decide you're just odd and leave you alone about it. Actually, lots of people don't even notice, even when I bf with them around

If anyone did ask, I'd say 'it's good for his health, good for my health, prevents / calms tantrums, soothes pain and gets him to sleep. I can't see any reason there why I'd want to stop'. The other one I've used a lot is, "I'll stop when one of the three of us (DH, DS or me) wants to stop," which is suitably vague and can't really be argued with.

I don't think either my parents or my PiL approve. PiL have stopped ever mentioning it (ie it's now on the List of Taboo Subjects). My parents have asked occasionally when I'm going to stop. Each time I tell them one good reason why continuing is a good thing (eg helps his eczema) or use my standard lines above. They don't argue, as it's always a new piece of info for them.

No-one in the family has even mentioned it since I got pg, which has surprised me (I'm 18 weeks now). Again, I suspect I've just been confined to the 'odd' category.

Bf has really helped DS's behaviour, and his ability to sleep. When I first got pg and he had less milk, and at other times like when his facial eczema hurt so that bf was uncomfortable, there were so many more tantrums and sleepless nights.

I'm hoping he'll carry on feeding, as it's too useful a parenting tool for me to want to lose.

The book EauRouge recommends is great, both on continuing to bf and on weaning.

And I agree you might be surprised by people's reactions. I felt a bit twitchy about feeding DS at a church we were visiting on holiday recently (especially since DH was trying to 'network' with a view to future employment opportunities). The woman behind said to me afterwards, "So are you planning to tandem feed once the baby arrives?" and it turned out that she was tandemming, as was another mother there.

I am still feeding my DD who is just over 2.5 yeArs

I have never had any comments except positive ones (to my face that is!)

I would have stopped last year but DD has other ideas .... I would like to stop when she's 3 as she will be starting nursery and I have started bribing incentivising her wiht talk of dolls houses

She has just potty trained so she is up for being a big girl and doesn't need boobie any more

It has done my head in at times but I will mourn the end of it when it comes am sure

For me really it's the path of least resistance, it's lovely hearing your stories and to know I'm not alone. I don't have an negative feelings myself and I have been quite strict with him so there is no twiddling/pinching/hair pulling but I guess it's a mind set and I have to get over the idea that it's not normal to bf a child who can ask for it. He would have it before his nap in the day too tinnedtomatoes but dropped that feed at 11 months and has only recently started to ask for it and I don't want to go back to it. I am a childminder and with several children I can't sit with him for 20 mins in his room to give him milk and I can't imagine he'd want it if I offered downstairs with the other kids around.

I don't want to force him to stop and don't think I will at least in the immediate future but I worry the longer I leave it the harder it will be. Thanks for the link too EauRouge.