Teaching an older baby to breastfeed?

[VegansTasteBetter]

dd is 16 months old and couldn't latch properly from the start. I believe this is to do with a problem with the way her jaw lined up as an infant which seems to have sorted itself out totally now. My son is 3 months old and bf is established and I would like to get dd to breastfeed. Every time I offer her the breast she looks at me like I'm deranged and says no. I feel awkward I don't want to force her to do anything she doesn't want to do.

However, I can't express (it doesn't work for me) which is why she had to stop receiving my milk when she was 3 months after mixfeeding form the start.
She has suffered from colds badly and even had pneumonia which resulted in a febrile seizure. The doctors think she could have asthma. I'm sure breast milk would be a great thing to add to her diet, I just don't know how best to get her to try and latch on with out making either of us feel uncomfortable.

Also she seems very jealous of the time I spend with her brother who is still feeding every couple hours and if they were both able to tandem feed it would do a lot since I am unable to spend as much time with her as I should.

So have any of you done this? Maybe any of the mums who have adopted?

KellyMom site might have some information- they helped me no end when I hit varying problems with bf, and I'm sure there's something on there about adoptive mothers bfing.

Whether it works for you all or not, I would still look at addressing the jealousy issue in other ways too.
Can you find a special activity for the 2 of you to do together when baby is asleep, or with DH/P? I had a basket of 'special' things for my toddler to do while I bf baby which worked well, though my age gap was slightly bigger.

Thank you for the suggestion I'll check out kelly mom- I have seen the idea about a special toy for bf time but I don't think it would work for dd as she already has so much crap she doesn't know what's special or not for various reasons.

If she won't latch, can you express for her?

Shit, didn't read OP properly. Sorry.

Having said that, have you tried expressing from one side while baby is on the other? Some people find that helps...

IAGTB i had borrowed hospital grade double electric pumps and could get an ounce (if I was lucky) so not enough for a 27 pound baby. Pumping just doesn't work for me

My own personal response would be to let it go, I think. I've been in a similar situation - dd2 was extremely unwell as a newborn and was unable to suck feed at all, so was fed via ng tube. I did express, but only for six weeks - the care of a sick newborn and two other demanding toddlers meant that there were physically not enough hours in the day. I discussed methods of feeding with specialist national bf advisors, and we did eventually manage to get her latched once. however, two days later she was back in hospital with a tube again.

Anyway, what I really wanted to say was that her colds and pneumonia may not be helped at all, even if you did manage to convince her to give it a go. Ds1 here was exclusively breasted and managed to end up double pneumonia via rsv, and gazillions of chest infections in his infancy. He was the one perma-attached to the boob. Of the girls, one self weaned at 6 mos and the other had only 6 weeks of bm, but neither were predisposed to colds.

In your position I might have tried supplemental feeding with your older dd earlier (ie got some specialist advice and equipment when she was first struggling), but at 16mos I would just let it go, now. Especially with a 3mo. The guilt is quite normal - but she's going to be a sibling for the rest of her life, and usually they manage to adjust to the difference in available time.

It's admirable that you are considering it, but I think it would add additional strain at an already tricky adjustment period in her life.

I leak a bit on that side (maybe 1/4- 1/2 an ounce) and I tend to save that for ds as he is a bit scrawny but good idea

I know you said you can't express, but have you tried expressing while you're feeding your ds? Might be a bit easier then as you're already getting the stimulation on the other side.

Thank you for sharing madwoman- It is a pain- my worry is that if I can feed ds till he is 2 (which I wold love to do) that the jealousy etc will get worse (as well as my guilt about her only having such a small amount of breast milk). But I may have to suck it up and accept that she won't have all the benefits he had :(

He is already very awkward to position- but I will try it greensnail

Oops cross post

I doubt the jealousy will get worse as they get older. I suspect ashe'll just accept that bf is something her brother does and I'm sure there will be other things that are just hers.

I read a lovely blog once about how someone managed to get her adopted daughter to breastfeed at around 18mo (I think). I'll see if I can find it, maybe it will be able to help you decide what to do.

This is not the one I was thinking of, but it might help.