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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

My partner wants me to stop breastfeeding!

47 replies

Ammz · 23/05/2012 22:03

Just had a conversation with my DH rearding breastfeeding (thanks to the jeremy vine show on the radio today!) The result of what became a very heated conversation is, he thinks it WRONG to still be breastfeeding LO at age 24 months. He even made a statement regarding something i said while pregnant 'but you said you would stop when he was 6 months!'

My DS is 29 weeks old and i have no issues at all with breastfeeding him. In fact i feel like it cuts out a lot of hassle i see with other mums making up bottles! Then of cause there are the health benefits. Why would i stop?? I had planned to breastfeed Alfie until he was 6 months, now i reckon a year, but if i decide to carry on until he is two, is that really so bad??

OP posts:
EauRouge · 24/05/2012 15:41

Well, he is getting a say- you are listening to his opinion. But it's not something you can compromise on and you shouldn't have to. Perhaps you could ask him to articulate a bit better why he doesn't agree with it instead of him just saying "it's my opinion". Maybe if he explores his reasons a bit more then it will be easier to talk about it.

tiktok · 24/05/2012 15:45

Thing is, bf a child is a very small part of the time you spend with them, and it's not a question of them 'hanging off the breast all day'.....do you think he envisages hours and hours spent bf, like with a young baby?

He's got it wrong, if so!

thisisyesterday · 24/05/2012 15:49

yeah he gets a say. he gets to say he doesn't like it.
but ultimately this is your body, and unless he has a very, very, very compelling reason why your child should not have what is the perfect food for him then he can't really do anything else can he

it's one of those situations where, unfortunately, one person has to "win" and the loser will always feel like it's unfair.
but ultimately it's the right thing for you and your child, and it doesn't adversely affect ANYONE, so there is no reason to stop.

worldgonecrazy · 24/05/2012 15:50

Do you know why he wants you to stop other than he thinks it's "weird", which really isn't a very good starting point for the debate is it?

Somewhere there is a list called something like 101 reasons to breastfeed, which include things like reducing your risk of some cancers and your child's risk of cancer in later years. Ask him does he really want to increase your risk of cancer?? (It's a crap argument by itself but not as crap as his.)

thisisyesterday · 24/05/2012 15:53

if you want to annoy him further you could also decide that you think it's weird for him to drink another animals milk, and demand that he go totally dairy free.

then when he says no have a big strop and say you never get a say in anything Wink

Tryharder · 24/05/2012 15:57

I can't understand someone being so negative about bf that they would actively want their partner to stop.

Your baby is clearly doing well, you have no hassle of making up bottles and faffing about with all that. Win-win. Why on earth would you stop now?

[weird]

Mama1980 · 24/05/2012 16:00

I breast fed my ds until he self weaned at about 3 1/2 although only in the mornings and beings for the last year. I don't judge anyone and each to their own but I was convinced that it was the best for my ds. Luckily dp totally agreed with me but tbh if he had said otherwise it would not have changed my mind.

neverquitesure · 24/05/2012 16:12

To be fair, I remember seeing breastfeeding toddlers when I was pregnant with DC1 and thinking it very unlikely that I would continue that long. It seemed 'unnecessary' somehow.

I think it only really ceases to be 'weird' when it's your child or someone you know well. Your DH is probably imagining some random 2 year old hanging off you, but of course it will be your own child who will still be your baby at 2 (and 3, and 4..!)

I wouldn't bother arguing the point now, you don't suddenly wake up one mornIng and it's weird. He will soften with time!

My DH was very similar and our DC2 is 2 years old and still on the boob and it doesn't seem weird at all (to any of us)

neverquitesure · 24/05/2012 16:17

To be fair, I remember seeing breastfeeding toddlers when I was pregnant with DC1 and thinking it very unlikely that I would continue that long. It seemed 'unnecessary' somehow.

I think it only really ceases to be 'weird' when it's your child or someone you know well. Your DH is probably imagining some random 2 year old hanging off you, but of course it will be your own child who will still be your baby at 2 (and 3, and 4..!)

I wouldn't bother arguing the point now, you don't suddenly wake up one mornIng and it's weird. He will soften with time!

My DH was very similar and our DC2 is 2 years old and still on the boob and it doesn't seem weird at all (to any of us)

neverquitesure · 24/05/2012 16:24

Not entirely sure why my phone posted that twice!

neverquitesure · 24/05/2012 16:29

Not entirely sure why my phone posted that twice!

neverquitesure · 24/05/2012 16:30

I give up Confused

startail · 24/05/2012 16:51

Personally I'd smile an nod and carry on.

Argument and reason are far less effective than just seeing Mum and baby happily getting on with the job.

If he really objects and tries to force the issue he's a piss poor partner.

Otherwise, I suspect he'll stop noticing after a while.

fridayfreedom · 24/05/2012 16:59

I never even discussed how long I would BF my two children, it was up to me and them. As a result DD fed until she was 2.5 and DS until 3. At that point they generally only fed at night before bed and in the morning...gave me a lie in!! And it was brilliant for holidays..not carrying bottles etc, days out could be extended...no need to return home if ran out of bottles and when they had chicken pox at 2yrs, brilliant because at least I could calm and feed them.
Coming from the lazy parenting camp, extended bf is brill!!

midori1999 · 24/05/2012 17:18

Do you think this maybe could have come from comments he has recently heard from others? (maybe anyone he could have been listening to Jeremy Vone with, for instance) Is he generally worried what people say or think?

I have to admit, my DH was a bit unnerved when I originally said I was going to BF past a year and probably to self weaning, but once I explained the reasons why it was a good idea and now he can see how much DD loves BF (she is 11 months) he agreed it was a good idea. I know he is still bothered about what people may think though, but he does try to hide it.

Original poster
Ammz · 24/05/2012 18:16

Its so funny that we are more acceptant (spelling?!) to drink milk from a cow than we are to accept that a mum will feed her child, whatever the age! I didnt realise so many people had a problem with it. Its probable one of the most natural things left in our society today! I say BALLS to anyone and everyone, me and LO are happy and i know it could never be bad for either of us.. who knows the adverse side affects from drinking formula or cows milk!!

OP posts:
vj32 · 24/05/2012 20:45

I am just stopping now and dd is just over 1. She has a varied diet, drinks cows milk from a cup and is only fed last thing at night anyway - and I need to stop feeding her to sleep as she needs to learn to self settle. (We are trying some sort of sleep training)

Waiting until they are 1 makes a lot of sense if that is what you want to do. At this age they are on a good diet, and they can go straight to (cheap) cows milk not very expensive formula. My dd is very big (bigger than most 2 year olds!) - it doesn't feel wierd feeding her at all. We have been lucky that dd has been a very healthy baby - only had a fever once and a few colds - I put a lot of this down to bf. 6 months is still very young really.

AThingInYourLife · 24/05/2012 20:54

Your baby is 6 months old, not even close to 24 months, so why is he even talking about breastfeeding a toddler at this stage?

It's ridiculous. Neither of you have any idea what it will feel like to have a 2 year old, or how you'll want to feed him, how he'll sleep.

The difference between a 6 month old baby and a 2 year old toddler is huge.

I can't believe he brought home a tin of Aptamil when you are happy feeding. Not that there would be anything wrong with introducing formula if you wanted to/were going back to work, but for him to just show up with it is so disrespectful of your clearly stated wishes.

He's being really weird and kind of a dick about this whole thing.

Original poster
Ammz · 24/05/2012 20:58

thats what i told him AThingInYourLife! Wink

OP posts:
PingPongPunani · 24/05/2012 21:04

You don't need to carry around bottles though! My dd went straight from breast to beaker at 12 months, and drinks most if her milk first and last thing, with maybe another beaker full at lunchtime if we're at home. Nothing wrong with bfing til 24 months, but probably worth seeing how you both feel when you get there. Dp may find it less weird as time goes on, and you may get fed up or find your milk starts to dry up (mine did) and decide to stop a bit sooner than that, which is fine too.

worldgonecrazy · 25/05/2012 16:18

Use the Aptamil ..... to make a pudding for your DH! If he's that keen on the stuff he can eat it himself.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 25/05/2012 16:23

My DH has always been supportive of me bf our children.

However he was talking to a (male) colleague and the subject of bf happened to come up. Colleague expressed surprise that I was 'still' bf at 6 months, and said something like 'but you're allowed to give bottles now'.

If you're happy with it, just keep on taking one day at a time and see how you go. In my case DS stopped just before his 2nd birthday, but was down to 1 feed a day. DD on the other hand is still going at 3yrs...

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