Four month old DD screams when I try and BF her

[ChasedByBees]

I was hoping to BF till at least a year but I'm really close to giving up. My DD often complains when I first put her to the breast - sometimes its because the flow is too fast or I haven't got the nipple out quick enough but she often cries a bit and glares at me before we get a successful latch. It just seems to be getting worse, and today MUCH worse - she is obviously hungry but when I put her to the breast, she arches away and screams which is great if I'm in a cafe.

We were with her grandparents today and when she did this, they said 'oh she's not hungry, let us hold her again'. I then tried to feed her on the train home and she did the same thing. A woman I know (met coincidentally) said, 'hmmm, obviously not hungry yet'. She had barely had anything all afternoon.

It looks like I'm force feeding her but if I soothe her and put her back, eventually she settles and then drinks quite a lot. It's really hard though and not always possible to do in a crowded cafe. Tonight at home I got her to feed after three attempts where I had to leave her for five minutes between them playing to forget about the last time. The final attempt involved top off and boobs out but I can't do that all the time.

This isn't normal is it? It's meant to be a bonding experience but it feels like antibonding at the moment. :(

Snap, my DD is 4 months as well and we're going through the same. I've started going to BFing cafes and LLL meetings because I'm determined I'm not giving up. I also have had the not hungry comments when I know she is. I don't have any words of wisdom, I'm taking each day as it comes and when we're at home, doing lots of offering of boob, upstairs in bed if I have to. But going to the meetings has really helped me and also a friend telling me that she went through the same and it's a really horrible stage. We've been out a lot today so I'm expecting lots of wakes tonight, was at a friend's today and she'd feed for 5 minutes then pull off craning to look around. I'd persevere for a bit but in the end gave up. She ended up having 5 minute feeds every 30mins whereas a proper feed takes her about 15mins. It's really bloody hard isn't it :(

Sorry to hear you're going through this too but I'm reassured I'm not the only one! I've been convincing myself I'm doing it wrong.

No, I can assure you you're not! It's bloody awful but I'm really making a conscious effort to relax my arms and body when it's happening so she's not picking up additional stress from me and I think it helps. Going to the LLL meeting last week really helped me as well, just being able to talk about it to real people who understood, were sympathetic and who didn't think I was reading her cues wrong or forcefeeding her. They suggested feeding her in a sling to help her not get distracted but it didn't work for me as she really didn't like having it round her head and I'm too large chested to do it comfortably but perhaps it's something that might work for you? I am determined though that we WILL get through this, I love breastfeeding her when she's not screaming and flailing around. Also there are times when I don't mind her pulling off, like when it's just to give me a little smile and then she goes back on peacefully. Those times make it worth it.

ChasedByBees, it's not unusual, I don't think. I remember this with DD2 around the same age, she jsut had a phase of not wanting but wanting to if that makes sense? If possible, can you schedule a quiet (or quiet-ish) mainly home based day tomorrow, or the next? Then you can aim for some skin to skin cuddles and not have any cause to feel conscious of your surroundings or other people, in your own home? Otherwise, could it it be teething/oral thrush etc that's making her uncomfortable? I hope you have a better night.

We had this, ds used to scream and arch his back when I tried to feed him. One day he took virtually nothing. So I started to feed him when he was sleepy straight after a nap when he was least distracted. It passed eventually.

More here

Thanks everyone and stranger those links are great, they really struck a chord with me! I'll try and keep it relaxed tomorrow and follow some of the tips in stranger's link. I've already found that skin to skin and feeding standing up swaying helps.

I can only speak from my experience but by 4 months after very few difficulties and despite massive support I was at the end of my tether, however, I decided 1 more day, at the end of each day I decided on 1 more and tried (with help from dh) to focus on all of the positive bits of the day without concentrating on the massive struggle that was feeding.

Little one is 8 months old today and still bf, for me no help or advice worked, in a way sheer bloody mindedness got me through, but it is possible!

The only practical advice I can offer is that the more tense I got about the up and coming feed the bigger the reaction from baby seemed to be, I also found that changing my hold slightly to get her to rest her hand on the breast under my shirt allowed me to increase skin to skin without bearing all.

Hope it improves soon!

Thanks again for the advice and sympathy here.

fhdl - I'm also too large cheated to comfortably feed in a sling. I've got one but I think I needed to have paid more attention in girl guides to get those knots right. :)

The last feed last night wasn't very long so I thought we'd be up quite soon but confusingly she slept from 9pm till 5am - her longest ever sleep!

Today I've had success (and longer feeds than usual) with skin to skin, feeding in bed (feeding at night usually goes well). Fingers crosse it improves even further but still not sure how to resolve going out.

I hVe bucketloads of bloody minded ness though Woody! :)

How bizarre, are you me? We had virtually the same night, bed by 9pm, up at 5.45am. I really thought she would be up to feed in the night as she also had her 1st 2hr nap during the day yesterday but she slept through.
Glad you've had a better day today, we've had some success today as well, 2 partially successful feeds out and about today. I say partially successful as she didn't take full feeds but she didn't scream and arch her back a lot. I think this might have been because I let her feed as long as she wanted and then when she broke off, I just sat her up and put my boob away. I also arranged it that we were out she fed on the less squirty of my boobs so she wasn't pulling off after a couple of minutes with my milk going everywhere. That just makes me stress trying to catch it in a muslin and she gets frustrated as her neck gets sprayed with milk and I can't let her go back on until it's stopped squirting. I'm not sure this is the best thing to do but I thought I'd trial it, see how it goes. She's just had a 2hr cluster feed and fed a lot when we got home earlier so we'll see how it goes.

I think (hope, pray) I'm just coming out the other end of this at 5 months. DS had a full on day time boob strike for a week about 8 weeks ago, and since then out and about feeding has been really iffy, often with his screaming, arching away, really getting hysterical when offered the breast. We have had slow weight gain as well which added some urgency to my "but he's GOT to feed!" mummy mania. He never had a good feed when out and about, a few minutes if that. He wasn't distracted, just not interested, and at times downright hostile. Just a few days ago I almost started a thread about what I thought was some sort of damaging psychological aversion he had to the breast.

Anyway, it seems to have gone away a bit, he's been feeding absolutely fine when out in the last few days. What did help was the rugby ball position when out, changing the position seemed to fool him that he wasn't actually feeding! Also finding somewhere really private, even the loo at times, he seemed to feed OK then. He has a dummy and I would sometimes put the dummy in, then sort of knock it out with my nipple and replace it with the nipple in one quick movement. I occasioanally took a bottle of expressed out with me if I was having a whole day out, I never needed to use it but having it there seemed to lessen my anxiety. Also lying down if at someone elses house. He's just been feeding better the last few days generally, I think it's a phase that some of them go through. Good luck.

Can I just ask a random question, if baby doesn't take a full feed, do you offer same side next feed or do you swap sides anyway. Have you tried an Ergo baby carrier, mine will only feed in that when we are out, I couldn't cope without it!

How's today and last night been for you OP?

Hello, sorry to abandon the thread - had a really bad couple of nights with only two hours sleep. Frustratingly not because baby was awake but still in pain from the third degree tear. After four months! :(

Fhdl - you could be me, I'm too tired to tell. I hope you've had more success since too, how's your little one?

Hardertokidnap - Glad to hear it passed. DD has had slow weight gain so I guess I've been a little anxious that she gets enough too.

I've been having success with a different position too, unfortunately that position is lying down. Not going to be too good in cafes or if out and about! I'm going on holiday tomorrow so I'm a little anxious about that. I don't get it as she mouths at my top but then when the nipple comes out she gets hysterical. She did feed for about 2 or 3 minutes in a restaurant earlier before gettig distracted and looking around.

Hunterj - I offer the same boob again if she's only had a little bit in the previous feed. I've not heard of the ergo carrier but I spent £100 on a baby bjorn and also got a long fabric sling and I'm loathe to buy another one. I'm also a J cup so I don't think feeding in a sling is going to work, I'm just going to battle through and hope this passes.

Well this is getting spooky now. We go on holiday on Saturday to Wales and I'm a K cup! DD is back to sleeping at night but she's still quite hysterical at points whilst feeding. I'm not well today plus I've been engorged because she's taking less milk so I've not been as relaxed as I've tried to be recently. I thought I'd got mastitis last night but doc confirmed just a bug today and no duct blockages, just a lot of milk! He wasn't wrong either, expressed 6oz this afternoon after DD had taken what she wanted and it's only my 5th go at expressing! Spent 2hrs last night after she'd gone to bed massaging and hand expressing my sore, hot and lumpy boob when what I really wanted to do was curl up in bed but it was worth it because it was a lot more comfortable through the night. Are you taking any pain relief for your tear? My section wound has only just closed after getting infected and re-opening 10 days post partum so I can understand your frustration as it not healing. Are you having any follow up with the hospital for your tear? Apologies for the lack of paragraphs, on my phone.

Should also add, I've been worried also that this reduced feeding would result in lower weight gain but she's put on 14oz in 3.5wks and is still sort of tracking her line so that was a weight of my mind (ha ha). I read on Kellymom that their average weight gain reduces when they're 4-6 months so it ties in with normal. I'm hoping now that I have the confidence to not get her weighed now till she's 26wks (which is 6wks 2moro) but we'll see, self doubt is bound to rear its head again before too long

Just to add my 2pworth. It is worth remembering that they get more and more efficient at feeding. They may not need to be feeding as long as they did even 2 weeks/one month ago. Hence the weight gain fhdl34! It is a difficult age as they are distracted easily, but completely reliant on you for milk. I found feeding in quieter locations for a bit helped - until they get so quick at it that they haven't got time to get distracted. And weaning helped too, but didn't do that with my 3 til 6 months so a while to get yet for you guys.
Hang in there!

On my own experience I'd say completely normal if maddening and exhausting! We had exactly the same when dd was around 4-5 months, was dreadful, but in time it passed and dd is still breastfeeding at 13 months and positively loves it now (perhaps too much but that's another issue..!). Sometimes the only thing that would work would be to take her out for a walk til she fell asleep, then feed her as soon as she woke up. I can still remember one time around 4 months when we were at a baby group, dd gave the full screaming back arching performance (whilst milk squirted all over her face) and I felt so self-conscious. Hang in there and it will get better.

diyqueen that is my daughter at the moment! She goes even more nuts if my boob hasn't stopped squirting by the time she's decided to reattach. Had to hand her over to DH this evening, she was inconsolable. She's 4.5 months now and has been like this for about 2wks now so I'm hoping we're halfway through although currently feels like it'll last forever :(

Sorry haven't had time to read all replies but I had this with ds at a similar age. He was a nightmare and I would struggle to feed him much at all during the day. I noticed that he didnt do it at night however and would feed quite happily so What I did in the end was to pick him up towards the end of his two daily naps and put him on the breast. He would have a good feed half asleep, go back to sleep and be none the wiser lol! After a few days of battling with him to get him to feed, I quit and just fed on the end of his naps or when he asked for it. Often if he didnt have a nap, he didnt have a proper feed all day! It was worrying but We fed like that for about a month and then he seemed to revert to his old feeding habits and I can now feed him whenever or wherever. He's now approaching one and has never dropped below the 98 th centile so I guess at some point he made up for what he was missing out on in the day. I wouldn't worry too much, it's stressful at the time but was all ok in the end

Fhdl - we're currently in Suffolk so the other side of the country. :) Have a good holiday!

The journey down was interesting. I tried to feed her in several places and tried the car and her reactions was, "but there are cars driving past! How can I possibly feed when I've never seen anything like this?!"

Thanks for everyone's replies, I guess this is normal and a complete PITA

I had this with my daughter and am now just entering it with my little almost 4 month old son. I remember with my daughter I hardly fed her out and about afterv4 months, she just became too distracted so had to go into toilets or anywhere quiet. That won't be possible this time though with my almost 3yr old in tow, don't know what I will do.

Well my DD had started sleeping through again a few nights back but the journey to Wales yesterday meant her waking at 1.20am this morning and not going back to sleep for another 2hrs. She had 1 abandoned feed and then 30mins later I managed a full feed in the corner of a quiet cafe. We were only out for 4hrs and apart from this, she's fed relatively well at our cottage. I'm finding not fighting her and letting her sit up and look at the object of her fixation until she starts to gnaw her own hand off again is getting some milk down her although it's really bitting and bobbing. Hopefully it was enough for her to sleep through tonight. My mum, who did BF all of us, commented that she'd be struggling to continue if it was her but I'm finding not fighting to keep her on is making it less stressful for both of us. A few have said now that it stops at 5 months - if that's the case only 10 days to go lol!

I thought if anyone searches for this of they have a similar problem it might help them if there's an update. Much like everyone else, this resolved itself at about five months. DD still gets very distracted if we feed when out but I don't worry about it, we just try again later. We're still going strong at 7 months. :)

My 6 mth old does this and has for past month or 2. I'm resolving things by offering milk a little less. Not suggesting you do this for a younger baby as think you need to persevere and offer in order to maintain supply etc. But my baby is generally happy a lot of the time until I try + get her to feed and then she can go berserk - invariably in public! V upsetting. Think it can also be linked to being tired sometimes. She's quite an oddity. Anyway. Offering it a little less so that she's properly hungry (I.e 3 - 4 hrs) seems to be working for me now rather than more than that because I think she should have a feed.