Why am I not glowing with happiness whilst breastfeeding?

[buterflies]

I feel conned! The NCT etc are always going on about how wonderful breastfeeding is but I am just not feeling the love. Lil one is 9 weeks and feeds well but I would much rather give him a bottle, as then I know how much he is having and am still not comfortable feeding in public.
I feel just as close to him when he has a bottle, more so as he maintains eye contact.
Is it possible to exclusively express as I want him to get the goodness of breast milk but am worried my milk will dry up.
Am I the only one who feels this way?

If you're feeding on demand, he's producing plenty of wet/soiled nappies and putting on weight, then you know he's getting plenty of milk. Have you been expressing and tried him on a bottle already? I'd have thought it was quite a faff to start expressing for every feed at 9 weeks, when he'll still be pretty regular, but it depends how committed you are, I suppose. And bear in mind the hassle of preparing and cleaning bottles all the time, too. On the question of feeding in public, you can always just cover up with a muslin. There's really very little on show to other people, even if you feel self-conscious about it.

Yes am feeding on demand, I tend to give him 2 or 3 bottles of expressed milk a day as he needs baby gaviscon and it a faff trying to get him to take it without using a bottle. There are no particular problems with feeding, he is happy and gaining weight, I am just not enjoying it and feel guilty.

I'm sure you are not the only one that feels this way, hence the low figures for bf in the UK.

9 weeks is still early days, I too felt conned because I felt no one had warned me about the learning curve and soreness etc, but I persevered because I'm lazy and couldn't face the hassle of bottles and it does get better/easier.

But ultimately only you can decide if tolerating something you don't enjoy will be worth the long-term benefits. If it's making your life a misery then stop.

It's a myth that all women enjoy breastfeeding. I hated breastfeeding, especially with a difficult start, but I kept doing it until DD was 15 months. What I did enjoy was more sleep, less sicky baby (may have been luck of the draw), and no faffing about sterilising formula bottles. You probably haven't been told that all breastmilk bottles need is a good wash in very hot soapy water and a rinse - no sterilisation required. I enjoyed the ease of breastfeeding, even if I didn't like breastfeeding itself.

To be honest, I found expressing more of a faff, once I'd become brave enough to feed in public (around 12 weeks). Practice in front of a mirror so you will see how little others can see. I ended up feeding walking around supermarkets, in cafes/posh restaurants/wandering around stateley homes and everywhere else in between.

The magical "6 weeks" is bandied about my many who have breastfed as the point where it all falls into place, but for myself, and I suspect a few other women, the magical moment happens a bit latter, for myself it was around 10-12 weeks.

If it isnt for you then dont beat yourself up about it. The world is full of healthy successful bottle fed people!! However, if you keep going with the breast feeding straight from the breast, it can be the loveliest feeling in the world. (i went through 3 months of hell to get to this point and if you look up previous thread of i hate breast feeding i was on there !!) Stop worrying about how much babs is getting if nappies are dirty and weight gain is good. your boobs and your baby are really clever and there is always enough even on hungrier days. Surely expressing is a faff and all that sterilising. I used to worry about feeding in public especially now dd turns her head to look around and leaves my nip exposed to the world but generally people go out of their wayNOT to look when they realise what you are doing!
Whatever you decide to do has to be whatever you are comfortable with not what anyone else thinks.

I hated breastfeeding too, I felt trapped as I was the only one who could feed my babies, had sore nipples and was the first person to get puked on after a feed. I still did it for both until they were 6 or 7 months but I didn't enjoy it - it was just a job, like changing nappies

I'm another one who felt very practically about bfing. Never 'glowed' or loved it in the early months. Actually enjoyed it far more after 6ms when the feeds were less frequent.

But tbh never felt cheated. There were lots of bits of having a baby that were just very, very mundane and practical. So it just went in that category really. It was something I wanted to do, so I did it as long as I could manage with each one.

I've know some people despise it though and find it depressing. And if you are in that category then you need to make the best decision for you.

Franup looking at it as just another job like nappy changes is something I hadnt thought of. That is a good idea. I have had a good talk to a bf adviser and think I will continue BF at night and maybe cut down during the day. I don't mind expressing as I have a medela electric pump which is really fast. I guess I just feel guilty for not exclusively BF but if it goes to plan and I just feed at night at least he is having all the goodness of breast milk and I will hopefully feel better too.

In some ways I find BFing a bit like going for a run, I don't always enjoy doing it but really enjoy the fact I've done it when it's over IYSWIM.

What I found totally overwhelming with DS was the sheer amount of time that he fed, I just never seemed to be able to do anything else. It was only my complete conviction that sterilising and making up bottles would be too much like hard work (I'm very lazy) and that I'd find it really hard to cope with DS screaming for food if I couldn't just feed him there and then that kept me going (actually some great advice and encouragement from mumsnet also helped).

I agree with others that BFing is best viewed as the practical job it is, whilst motherhood does come with some "glowing" moments it is also very hard work most of the time, particularly with a demanding newborn. I definitely echo worldgonecrazy's experience of 3 months being a much bigger turning point for me than 6 weeks.

Just take each day as it comes and try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

I started enjoying it at about 3 or 4 mths. Before that, yep, it did feel like a chore BUT just one that goes with being a parent, much like nappy changing. After that, I absolutely loved and cherish it - still do. At 9 wks, it's only ever going to get better and easier. Have a good chat with a bfing counsellor/supporter from Bfn/Nct about it and they can give you a proper run down of yourr options and talk through the implications. Meanwhile, feel good for feeding thus far.

i can definitely vouch for the 3 month turning point as well! i think it stopped hurting for me at about 8 weeks and by 3 months we had it nailed :)
i guess if you don't mind expressing lots then there is no problem as its still EBF but then if you wanted to introduce formula and give mixed feeding a go i don't think you should feel guilty either. its about whatever works best for you both at the end of the day. good luck and remember it does get better with perseverance!

Thank you for the encouragement, I really don't want to just give up. I am hoping the three month mark will make a difference. I think I am just tired (more so than usual) as he had his first lot of injections this week and has been feeding every hour for two days and is only just getting back to his normal routine.

Are you eating well, buterflies? Don't forget you need the extra calories. And is DOES get easier.

My DS is 9 weeks as well, and we had a very difficult start.

However, this week both DH and I have had debilitating tummy bugs -DS has been completely unscathed! If that's not an incentive I don't know what is! I'm definitely going to keep going now I've seen the benefits in action!

Oh how I hated breastfeeding in the early days!!! It was sooooo hard and I would be in tears with soreness and shooting pains.

The only thing that kept me going was that I didn't want baby to have formula - not because I am anti-formula feeds, but because of issues I had with DD1 and formula - but that is another story.

I would feel that baby was constantly attached to me (i was convinced it was on the hour, every hour, for an hour! ) and here comes the big BUT! After 3 months, it DID get a whole lot easier and after 5 months I was actually enjoying it. Now I could not be doing with all the sterilising, travelling with bottles, ensuring there is sufficient formula, bottle warming etc.

The best thing about breast feeding is that you dont have to traipse to the kitchen in the middle of the night and start faffing with bottles!

I now know why people rave on about breastfeeding - i didnt love it at all to begin with but have grown to like it!!

I bf both my babies, and found the early months hard going both times, but it does get so much easier. Like others have said, 3 months seemed to be a bit of a turning point. It's also a time when the baby comes out of the alien/newborn stage and starts to become a bit more awake and interesting...

Hope things improve for you soon, you're doing a fab job :)

I feel the NCT does not do anyone favours in making women think that breastfeeding is going to wonderful. Some people enjoy breastfeeding where as many don't.

Breastfeeding until 9 weeks is fab achievement and it must be hard doing something you don't enjoy. Are you enjoying other aspects of parenting.

Luckily the NCT never told me it would be wonderful (quite the opposite, pointing out that in a society where we don't see bf daily, we havebn't grown up with the necessary support and role models), as for the first 8 weeks with ds it was pretty shit from my point of view. He thought it was wonderful though...
After that it was ok, and more relaxing than many aspects of baby care as at least it's a nice sit down, but not 'wonderful'.

dd is 13 weeks now, it's been mostly fine, and over the last couple weeks got much easier. But not 'wonderful' - it's just feeding my baby. (and leaving the 3yo to dp to argue with!)

I am an nct bfc and we try to reflect the range of experiences. Obv not all women find bf wonderful all or even some of the time. In the same way, not all women find it awful, all or some of the time. For most women it is a mix, anyway. Just as being a parent is a mix. Just like life is a mix :)

OP, if the main concerns you have are not being able to see quantities and being uncomfortable feeding out and about, then bf is going to be less positive for you. There are ways to overcome both these worries, though, and feel better about things. Just ask if you want more info :)

9 weeks is great, well done. Don't feel guilty, you can't help the way you feel.

It's ok to not like it. I breastfed all three of my babies for a year each and never really enjoyed it; too messy, awkward and time-consuming. I stuck with it though and while I never really found it magical it certainly got easier when they started solids as it felt like less of a tie. 9 weeks is still early days yet so don't rush to quit just yet (although of course it's absolutely fine if you do...happy baby and happy mum is the most important thing).

I also found it hard at first, but after about 12 weeks it got a lot easier. I don't get what's "enjoyable" about it though. I mean, what is so wonderful about the feeling of breastfeeding other than knowing you are giving your baby the best start in life? I don't get the "bonding" thing either as I was lucky enough to bond with DD the minute she was born (and wasn't at all interested in feeding). It was just something that had to be done as has already been pointed out. DD was always a slow feeder. The latch was correct, but she still took 45 minutes each side to feed. I think she didn't have a very strong suck.

I used to watch TV or read when I was feeding her and it was nice to be able to sit down. At 6 months I started giving DD formula and found that it was a right old faff compared to established breastfeeding.

I would say I have 'enjoyed' it since DS was about 6 months. (12.5 months now). It was pretty rubbish for the first 3 months, then I wasn't fussed about it for the next 3, and now it's lovely.

For us, it's worth it for the lack of faff with bottles and the health benefits, but I don't think it particularly added to a bonding experience until more recently. DS is not the cuddliest of babies so it's nice to get a cuddle while bfing.

I found breastfeeding to be a rather horrifying experience at first and many tears were shed. I kind of felt like I was being violated on a daily basis, and I dreaded feeding time.

I was determined to make it to 3 months however, and I was so relieved when at about week 10 things suddenly turned around for me. The pain was gone and I was much more confident feeding my DD. It now felt sort of (maybe) "easy". Ish.

So I decided to stretch my goal to 6 months, and although there were a few bumps on the road (the distractible phase!!) by the time I neared the end I surprised myself and decided to keep going to 1 year. I never ever thought I would continue beyond 6 months and I admit I used to think only hippies did such things. ;-)

DD is 10 months old now. This recent chapter has it's own challenges as I'm back at work and I'm expressing during the day. Expressing is taking its toll... having to leave my desk, having to explain why i'm not free for all-day workshops with working lunches... and it's the least exciting part of my day. I'm glad I've persevered but I'm now counting down the days. In fact there are exactly 26 days left in the office before DD turns 1, and I already have a 7 day stockpile in the freezer... woo hoo!

And get this... as we approach her one day birthday, while I'm desperately keen to drop the daytime feeds, I'm actually contemplating keeping the morning feed going for as long as I can continue producing milk. I've come to enjoy that feed in particular as it gives us a bit of time to spend together and have a little cuddle, and I can catch up on emails on my iPhone while she drinks. It's the closest thing to the NCT con that I've experienced. :)

I don't particularly like BFing either - it's just another job. I LOVE my child, but it is just a job - no magic or fairy dust or anything. I'm looking forward to weaning.