BFing a toddler when six months pregnant: worth carrying on, or not?

[comixminx]

Rather similar to the thread about being fed up with bfing a toddler, I know, but with a different angle... I'm about 25 weeks pg and still bfing my 20 month old DD, which I'm quite pleased and happy about in principle, especially as she's still pretty keen. But I do feel like I'm really not sure how much she's getting out (in terms of food / liquid) - partly because it feels like i have less milk, partly because she messes around so much, and partly because it used to be a sure-fire way to get her to sleep, and now a bottle of warm cows milk does the job much more effectively. And as in the other thread, I'm fed up with her antics, and the way she uses me as a dummy (in fact I've even given her a dummy, which she was never bothered about before, so in effect I'm arguably getting her into "bad" habits!).

Having got this far, I was thinking that tandem nursing sounded like a practical and perhaps even a useful thing to aim to do (the Kellymom pages suggest that it can be quite a nice thing for older and younger babies to both be doing, and the toddler could even usefully drain some of the initial fast spurt of milk so that the baby can feed more easily). Also if I weaned DD now as my choice rather than hers, I wonder if she might still remember feeding once the baby is born, and get jealous?

I think what I'm asking is: do people who did tandem feed think that it's worth continuing for another few months? I think I can drop the bedtime feed and replace it with a bottle and not stop her from feeding entirely, but that is the last main one that we currently have (she does feed ad hoc at other points in the day sometimes, and in the morning but not every morning). so it is a risk in my mind that if I drop the bedtime feed it might end up in weaning.

OP I found that DS (aged 2 at the time), just weaned himself over the space of about 4 weeks when I was at the same stage of pregnancy. I think he was just ready to move onto other things. The last feed that he dropped was the one after he woke up from his afternoon nap. I just did don't offer, don't refuse to see what happened and it gradually petered out. In a way this was really nice as I can't remember when his 'last' feed was so not a particularly emotional event but I did get the chance to really lay down some memories of the last few weeks and what it felt like.

DS2 is now of course in new-born permanently attached phase. DS1 seems to have no problems with this at all but does still like to pat my boobs if he's very tired. It's as though he remembers that they are a place of safety and comfort but can't remember exactly what to do with them (if that makes sense).

I'm not really sure how I would feel about tandem feeding now, although I wasn't averse to it when I was pregnant.

I think it would be a good time to wean and oint out that she is a big girl know. You are going to need all the energy you have got with 2 so give yourself a break. If you stop now she won't think that the baby is having her feeds so there shouldn't ba any resentment.

Thanks folks. frenchfancy, not sure quite how far I'd get in pointing out that she's a big girl now - she clearly understands a lot more than she can say but she's not that that linguistically advanced as yet so I'm not sure how much she'd understand.

I think if others have found that weaning at this point hasn't made the toddler feel like the baby is getting "their" feeds that's reassuring to know.

I am going to be tandem nursing in Sept (possibly triandem nursing if DD2 doesn't wean before then) which will be my 3rd time tandemming (DD1 & DD2, then DD2 & DD3, and DD4 & whoever is still nursing by the time she is born).

I physically fed DD1 & DD2 together when DD2 was born for about 8 weeks but it wasn't for me so I fed them separately for the next 18m, I had a 1m gap from when DD1 self weaned to DD3 being born then tandemmed (but separately!) fed DD2 & DD3. DD2 is 4y 6m, DD3 is now 2y 7m and I am 20w pg with DD4 and looking forward to tandemming/triandemming with the new baby.

I found it so much easier to deal with a toddler if they were nursing - stroppy irrational tantrums? Bit of 'bah' and they disappear, tired and emotional? Bit of 'bah' and they get a boost and are fine, in fact there wasn't much that a bit of 'bah' couldn't fix barring a dirty nappy or a trip to the potty. It also made for an easier transition to siblinghood as they could empathise with the baby needing 'bah' as they needed it too (we did discuss babies not being able to eat food like big girls could so they got that all baby had was 'bah').

In fact DD1 was very insistant that DD2 had bah, to the point where she tried to bf DD2 once (DD2 was severely unimpressed by tiny toddler 'bah' though!), and she would always spot when DD3 needed a feed (was good at reading DD3's cues for a feed!), DD2 wasn't fussed by DD3 bfeeding and took it in her stride - she keeps telling me that the baby will be having bah when it's born and she can't wait for that to happen (probably because she knows there will be milk then as I am currently dry nursing DD2 & DD3 though the colostrum is starting to come in again).

Do watch for toddler colostrum poos - they are something special - but it really gives them an immune boost just before the baby is born which can only be a good thing.

If you do decide to wean, doing it well before the baby is born is better than at 38 weeks or so (if they decide to stop then well that's their choice!) as it might cause more jealousy if there is no time between toddler finishing and baby starting. Do be aware that even if the toddler is happy to stop bfing during pg they may want to try again after the baby is born so might be wise to think about what you do in that situation (let them try bfing, offer expressed milk, or say no).

Only you know if it's worth it or not - but I am 8 months with DC2, and still feeding 2.7 yo DS. I am only feeding once a day, and have been since he turned 2. He would be happy to feed more, but I would not be! It's worth reading the 'Adventures in Tandem Feeding' book - it can help get your mind around your options!

(as an aside - TruthSweet - DD4! well done :o how exciting!)

Thanks all! Blimey, TruthSweet, respect - triandem feeding in the offing! Hmm, toddler colostrum poos - you are presumably indicating they are spectacularly sloppy, or smelly, or weird in some way. Let's see! By the way, what does 'dry nursing' mean - is it like I feel is happening with me, namely there is little milk but the baby / toddler is still keen on the actions of bfing?

Kveta, I know what you mean about your DC being happy to feed more if you would let it happen! Anyway I think what I will do is drop the evening feed for bedtime by replacing it with a bottle; if DD decides to wean herself following that then c'est la vie, but to be honest I think that she's quite likely to still have a bit in the morning / during the day when it's not a nursery day.

Colostrum poos (in my children's experience anyway!) tend to look very much like newborn poo (korma/mustardy) but with food in and very very profuse. When I was pg with DD3 DD1 was filling the potty with colostrum poo at the same time as DD2 was filling her nappies with it - good times this only lasted for a few days until their guts got used to the colostrum though if they gorged on colostrum it did reappear.

Dry nursing is bfing but with no milk. I tend to have no milk from week 14 to week 24/26 though this time it's been no milk from week 12 and it's starting to come back at week 20 (though my DDs are a lot older than previous times I've nursed through pg). Not all women have a supply dip though so it's not a given.

I would say that giving a bottle at this stage isn't a great idea as it's not good for toddler's teeth (most HCP rec. stopping bottles at 6-12m) and you would have to brush her teeth after (bfing you can brush before due to the anti-microbial action of BM), a beaker or open cup would a better bet though you would still have to brush her teeth after.

I have the same gap as you OP and had planned to tandem feed as DD was still nursing morning and night. To my surprise, she just stopped asking to nurse about a week before DS was born.

When he was born, I let her have some milk whenever she asked (which was not very often at all), but she really wasn't that interested. She seemed to 'forget' the nursing technique very quickly. Can't remember the the last time she nursed, but I do remember that she told me 'it was a bit boring'.