Slightly worried about 13mo night feeding...

[HumptyDumpty2]

DD has been bottle fed since 6 months, she's never been a massive bottle lover and took to solids really well, now she's 13 months she's having 3 good meals a day and usually has 5oz before bed and wakes for either 5oz or 8oz. Every now and then, when she seems to have a growth spurt and/or developmental change she has a few nights of 5oz every 2 hours and won't settle without a feed. We've been taking this as normal and going with it but when i spoke about it with my mum she told me that it's completely abnormal and she shouldn't be having any milk through the night and I should give her water (she doesn't settle with water). My mum is normally very non-interfering which is why it's made me worry for her to say something.

She isn't walking yet but isn't too far off, and when she did it Thursday night, she could climb the stairs yesterday which she's never done before. (I found her at the top and nearly had a heart attack!!)

Am I doing the right thing taking her lead or am I just going to make her fat?

Tia

I don't know about making her fat but I don't think you're doing her any favours by letting her feed in the night! I think at that age she is well able to go through the night without any milk (my DS was night weaned by 8 months but I guess when they can do it depends on their weight). A child that is eating plenty during the day doesn't need milk to get through the night. And in fact drinking milk at night may even make her appetite less during the day!
It sounds to me like she is using the feeding as a crutch to get through the night, so whenever she wakes she needs a feed to get her into that blissfull dream state and back to sleep. It would be much better for her to learn to go to sleep on her own when she needs to.
A friend of mine had a similar experience although her baby was much younger. She went cold turkey through the night- ie no milk feeds, just water. It was hell for a couple of nights then her DS got the hang of it and started sleeping straight through every night.
To me its much better for a child to get a full undisturbed nights sleep without milk so its worth the pain of weaning.

Oh, I thought I was doing the right thing

I thought 1 bottle a night was ok with the frequent only occasionally but I'll have to look into nw.

Thanks

DD2 is still hit and miss through the night regarding feeding. She is on 98th percentile for weight and height and will often wake for milk around 2 - 4am.

We have tried everything but she is hungry and cannot always go for 12 hours without milk.

She feeds up to 8ozs at night, straight down and straight back to sleep.

DD1 was night weaned by 11 weeks, and was/is a similar size.

I would carry on doing what you are doing provided she is eating properly in the day and she is not using the milk as a comfort at night. She'll grow out of it soon enough.

Sorry DD2 is 11 months and about to walk.

thanks Billy, that post has made me feel a million times better. I've always though that when she doesn't want it anymore she'll stop waking. she doesn't feed for comfort, just wants a cuddle if she needs comfort and I really don't think it's habit because it can be different times she wakes and different amounts.

Thanks

Don't worry, after dd1 I was very "implement a routine and baby will sleep through". DD2 came along to teach me humility

I have had the world and his mother tell me DD2 isn't hungry. She is, she isn't whiney, clingy, shouty or thirsty. She is hungry and if I don't feed her she screams for hours until I do. And then she goes back to sleep.

One day they will sleep through Humpty one day...

I'm so glad someone else's child is also hungry for milk at night lol. It doesn't bother me getting up with her, I have the mindset that I'm her mother and I'll do whatever she needs me to do, just questioned whether I was doing the right thing.

You have put my mind at ease

When she's 18 and I'm awake worrying when she's coming in I'll remember these moments and treasure them!

You may have seen some of the other night weaning threads. If not, they will give you some different perspectives on the feed/dont feed camps. I'm in the feed camp, partly because one of my twins had high needs and doesn't respond to any amount of shush-patting.

DS is 12mo, nearly 12kg and wakes at least once for a big feed. He will not settle without.

If she is clearly hungry you are doing the right thing.

I don't think it's 'abnormal' for a baby - whether bottle or breastfed - to sleep for twelve hours or more without a drink of milk (or water). I know it's an old MN chestnut to say this, but do you, as an adult, happily sleep for very long periods without sometimes waking and really needing a drink?

Don't forget that what we see as 'normal' behaviour - babies expected to live 'independent' lives from very early on, sleeping in separate beds and often separate rooms, and not bothering parents between the hours of bedtime and morning wake-up - this are really very recent expectations of babies, historically speaking. Yes, there may well be reasons why we'd like our babies to sleep through, sleep silently and not need a night feed - but this isn't necessarily 'normal' behaviour and your baby may not think it is either!

FWIW, 'sleeping through' has been proven not to correllate with body weight, so there is no magic age or weight by which a baby can be expected to sleep all night without feeding.

Anecdotally, I can say that babies and toddlers who have night feeds do not necessarily become bad sleepers once that stops. DS1 had night feeds until at least 9 months, and after that he was waking at about 5am and then going back to sleep for another 3 hours. He is now 4 and sleeps brilliantly, and has done (with a bit of a hiatus when we moved house) for years now.

Sorry, that sounded really like I was having a go at you. I really wasn't - it was more a response to some of the comments up-thread. OP, I hope this passes - if there's one thing I've learnt as a parent of small children, it's that nothing, whether it's good or bad, lasts - everything changes!

OP I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad with my response to your post- and I wasn't agreeing with your mum that your DDs feeding habit is abnormal as such. Its just you asked for advice and so I gave you my opinion. As with any parenting related advice, take the bits that work for you and ignore the rest!

For the record, where I'm coming from with this is that in my opinion, learning to sleep through is a valuable lesson. I don't think its going to do much harm to a 12month plus child to be a bit hungry in the night, and personally I would be willing to go through (and put my child through) several nights of refusing milk to break the habit. But that's just me, if it doesn't work for you then carry on doing what you're doing - as the other posters have said, it will no doubt all work out fine in the end.

Agree with everything theplumfairy said. The bottle is probably more of a sleep prop at this stage and water should do the job if your child is thirsty. Also agree that it is very important for the child to learn to self-settle. That said, I do sometimes bf my 13mo DS at night when he is very upset.

I don't think she uses the bottle as a sleep prop at all. Last night she slept from 5.30pm-4am woke for 3oz and slept till 6.30. If she used it as a sleep prop she'd be waking either at similar times each night or similar spaces of time between night feeds to correspond with sleep cycles.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by self soothing? Do you mean stopping herself crying if she cried at night?

I don't know whether you want to hear this or not, but DD (2) still has several feeds a night (BF), mostly for comfort, but the occasional proper feed. She'll grow out of it when she's ready.

Follow your instincts, it's all we can do as mothers...

Self soothing refers to the ability to fall asleep and stay asleep without props or other kinds of external help. As adults, we don't need help to fall asleep. We also wake up at night and go straight to sleep, often without even remembering it. Once a child learns to do that, they won't cry if they wake but will gently fall back asleep. It helps them to get better rest which is very important for children.

DD has only recently (last couple of months) stopped waking for 6oz in the night and shes 20 months. She was still waking twice 6 months ago. I would just carry on. She wont be doing it when shes a teenager, well she might, but you wont have to get up!

I don't agree with self soothing training I.e sleep training. I would much rather she woke me up if she needed me through the night no matter how many times than went back to sleep cos she thinks I won't be there. There are plenty of times I like a cuddle to go to sleep, or I wake up in the night after a bad dream and need reassurance to sleep so yes as an adult we do sometimes need help getting back to sleep.

I don't mean for that to sound arsery, I do appreciate your opinion as everyone's is different and it's always good to hear a different thought.

Thanks everyone for comments and encouraging messages, it's so nice to hear others are in the same situation and I'm not mad for following my instincts haha!

DS2 is coming up to 13 months and still wakes wanting to feed. I'm not too concerned because he is developing well and is a lovely happy boy. His big brother was the same and at 13 yrs he now sleeps every night all night in his own room! They do grow out of it when they are ready, it was about 15 months for DS1.

Ds3 is 14 months and wakes up at least once in the night for milk. We've tried just giving water or nothing but he won't settle.

Ds1 and 2 were the same. Ds1 is 17 now and sleeps through anything, keeps me awake at night waiting for him to come in and doesn't like to wake up in the mornings. He was 2 before he slept through.