Toddler won't/can't open wide to nurse; please help

[NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown]

My son's latch is rubbish, I think it's my fault because we had a ton of problems in the early days and I was so determined to continue I was scared to correct it in case it put him off completely.

He's 15 months old and I'm 16 weeks pregnant. I think he has a high arched palate but it's never been looked at by a health professional and every LC I saw when he was little (say under 4 months) said his latch was fine but it's always been relatively uncomfortable and sometimes painful to feed.

Now I'm pregnant things are much worse. He doesn't open his mouth to latch on; he just kind of sticks his tongue out a bit and sucks my nipple (and not much else!) into his mouth. I don't know if it's the pregnancy but it literally feels like he's chewing on my nipple and I'm getting so irritated with him.

I've tried to get him to open his mouth before latching, I've tried this whilst feeding and at other times like at lunch. I've seen him open wide at other times but never during nursing. I don't know if he's fallen into a bad habits (which I've allowed) or he just doesn?t know how to do it any other way.

I've tried taking him off and getting him to relatch but he just screams (and if he's asleep/half-asleep he wakes up fully and won't go back to sleep) when I do feed him I'm counting backwards from 100 just to get through it but more frequently I'm just saying no, comforting him while he cries - a lot! It breaks my heart.

I'm pretty sure that a big part of the problem is nursing aversion. I don't enjoy nursing any more/at the moment. It makes me agitated for want of a better word.

I don't want to give up until he wants to give up, but this situation is unfair on both of us; I don't want to be getting cross with my precious boy but I'm also aware that this is my body and I have a right to say no if it's uncomfortable. It's really effecting my sleep and peace of mind

I'm also worrying about how to get him to sleep without breastfeeding because when I
give birth he'll most likely have to be away from me (for the first time) - I'm considering a home birth but I still want to encourage him to fall asleep without my help, he screams the place down if I'm not there at the moment and I can't bare for him to cry.

I feel in a bit of a muddle at the moment and I know stress is bad for the baby, as well as for me, my son and my husband. I'd appreciate any advice or support anyone can offer, or suggestions of how to solve these issues. Many thanks

Sorry, I can't give any advice, but I can bump your post.

I am sure someone will come along soon and help you!

Do you think he is actually getting uch milk or is it jst adummy sort of thing? desnt really needa good latch for that. Just read on someother posts that milk dips dramatically around 3months preg.

I am going to stick my neck out here; I know most of mumsnet will disagree with me. However, here goes:

Do you think it would be wiser to wean him off the breast now, and deal with the issue of self settling before you have a new baby to feed?

I breast fed all my 3 children till they were around 14 months, and they all self weaned quite happily.

Life with a new baby is tiring enough. It sounds as if the challenge with your ds is that he doesn't know how to fall asleep, not really the nursing or the latch.

Perhaps you need to take a step back and sort this out now, so that you get it done well before the baby arrives. In the long run this would be far less stressful all round.

Agree with 3littlefrogs. He will be fine if you decide to stop BF.

I left my 14 month old yesterday for DH to put to bed for the first time ever since she was born (she is always BF to sleep) and she was absolutely fine with no bedtime milk and slept until her normal time. its amazing what they don't miss if it isnt there ie BF!

Pregnancy and looking after a toddler are hard enough, IME, so dont make life hard for yourself.

Do you feel a bit guilty that your attention is no longer all on him but also on the imminent new baby, I am sure the pg hormones are coming into play...?

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. I do think that pregnancy hormones have a lot to answer for!

I think that often the latch is sloppy because he's not actually getting/wanting milk but not always. I honestly don't think my supply has dropped.. Yet (if it's going to) he's definitely swallowing and I see it if I try and hand express (although I've always found that harder work than actually feeding) and during the night feeds he doesn't hang about to comfort-suck at all, when he's finished eating he unlatches, rolls over and is back to sleep in no time.

He can fall asleep after a feed at night but for naps (i think we're down to 1 most days now) he always falls asleep at the breast. He definitely associates the 2 because he asks for milk and a sleep together (combo of words and signs) and will only ever 'fall' asleep if stupidly tired and either in the pushchair or the car with no distractions.

He has no idea how to fall to sleep by himself - i often lie him down on a cushion on the floor when he says he's tired, he just laughs and gets back up again.

I have tried getting him to open his mouth wide at other times; if feeding him a yogurt (he feeds himself everything else) and or cleaning his teeth and bless him, he's now started saying "ahh" at the beginning of a feed so he's halfway there. Someone suggested to me today that he might be teething as their baby stops opening wide when they have teething pain.

I think those who suggest working on him self-settling (especially for naps) are right. Best to tackle it now than have an overtired toddler and baby crying for my attention at once (probably unavoidable though) but I can't just go cold turkey without tears which I want to avoid. We've only just got him in a cot side-carred to the bed, I've got 6 months.. I don't want to overwhelm or rush him or cause more stress to myself so I see it as a transition.

I understand where those of you suggesting I wean are coming from but neither of us are ready and that's not what I want right now. I am happy for it to come to a natural end within reason, I know tandem nursing will be hard if that's what we end up doing but it might not come to that and if it does its not going to be forever. I'm not going to stress about that when DS might wean in the meantime.

Im feeling less anxious today, I can't use distraction such as TV because it would distract him too! But the counting is working for now and if it gets too uncomfortable he seems happy to be gently removed and repositioned!

Thanks again for all your replies