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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Fed up with BFing toddler... <moany>

22 replies

QueenOfF1amingEverything · 02/05/2012 20:52

DS is 21 months and tbh I am just fed up of BFing.

Can I just say that I don't want to stop, on an intellectual level. I'd like to carry on until he self-weans.

But ohmygod I am sick of it. He has never been a peaceful BFee - he had a TT that wasn't snipped until he was 6 weeks, by which time he was thrashing, fighting, scratching and headshaking through every single feed.

He has never really stopped doing that. He will go through a week or so of relatively settled feeding, then he goes back to kicking (its more bracing his legs against anything and everything than actual kicking), kneading my chest, pinching, grabbing, shoving his fingers in my mouth/nose/ears, flinging his head side to side etc etc.

I take him off, and say NO, and wait a few minutes before letting him have another go. And after a couple of times, he will settle down and feed, or he will just shriek at me and then forget it and wander off. But the message just isn't sinking in - its like he is compelled to thrash. If I try and hold his hand, or trap his legs so he can't kick, he struggles and rages and gets too distraught to feed. WTF is that about?

I've tried a nursing necklace, and he just isn't interested. Its just something else for him to shove up my nose Angry

It is just driving me up the fucking WALL. Its making me hate BFing, which I feel really sad about as I used to love it and its something I want to do.

Any suggestions? Or just plain ol' sympathy?

OP posts:
EauRouge · 02/05/2012 21:00

Plenty of plain ol' sympathy from me Grin

Every. Single. Mother who has ever breastfed a toddler has had days like this. Even the ones that are dead set on natural term BF have days when they wish their DC would bog off and leave them alone for 5 minutes.

There are lots of things you could try- different positions, nursing in a different place, talking to him (he should be able to understand more at this age), reading to him as you are nursing. Have you read 'Mothering Your Nursing Toddler'? There are loads of good ideas in there.

What do you think might be causing it? Is he teething maybe?

You could try LLL to see if there are any other mums BF toddlers who will share your frustrations.

Original poster
QueenOfF1amingEverything · 02/05/2012 21:05

Cheers for the sympathy Brew and yep, that book is on my wishlist and I really should just buy it.

No idea on the cause - it really has been like this since he was teeny tiny. At first we assumed it was frustration because of the TT. Then that it was a bit of a habit. But no matter what I try he still does it, and gets genuinely distressed if I try to restrain him.

He is really verbal and I do explain to him now that he needs to stay still and feed nicely. And I can see him trying to do it! But he is all fidgety, and its obviously a struggle for him, and then he just can't seem to help himself from thrashing around again.

I have friends who are BFing toddlers, and their toddlers are all cuddly and snuggly when they BF Envy

OP posts:
EauRouge · 02/05/2012 21:21

Wow, how do your friends manage that? Gaffer tape? Grin

Is he fidgety for the whole BF or just at the beginning?

OPeaches · 02/05/2012 21:30

My DD is a bit like that. I find if I angle us so she can watch TV while she's feeding she's much calmer.

Klingyston · 02/05/2012 21:30

why not sto he doesn't need it at that age

EauRouge · 02/05/2012 21:33

I think the OP is the best judge of what her DS does or doesn't need.

RecursiveMoon · 02/05/2012 21:34

You have my sympathy OP Smile. I feel the same - I'd like to continue BFing for longer (DS is 21 months), but some days are so difficult! I started a thread about freestyle BFing recently as DS just won't keep bloody still.

ReshapeWhileDamp · 05/05/2012 22:52

OP, I know how you feel. Grin My own toddler (16 mo) isn't as regularly fighty as yours sounds, but he has his moments. His older brother was (relatively speaking) an angel when he fed, until about 26 months, and sometimes, I feel I'm almost mourning the lovely toddler feeds that I 'should' be having with DS2. Blush I know that's unfair on him.

The little darling won't even let me MN while feeding - if he hears/feels me typing or even senses a single finger on my mouse, he firmly moves my hands away from the keyboard and onto him! Hmm And he's very 'violent' (wrong word, I know he has no idea about violence) when he feeds - he kicks, scratches, picks at my areola with his sharp little nails, bites...

I just want to give him what DS1 had. He loves his feeds, I'd feel very mean stopping at this point, but I wish he were more gentle. Sad

mawbroon · 06/05/2012 14:40

More sympathy. I am currently fed up with 2.2yo ds2 breastfeeding, but unwilling to stop.

With ds1, I would feel really cheesed off and then something would happen (like illness or a bad fall) to make me really glad that we were still feeding and that would make me feel ok about it again.

allthegoodnamesweretaken · 06/05/2012 19:01

I get this with 16 mo, the leg bracing in particular. I sometimes have to sit in an armchair at an angle so that her legs are squashed between me and the back of the chair and hold her firmly. She can't wiggle much then! I'm having real trouble with biting at the minute, I do the whole taking her off and saying no, but she just laughs and says 'bite' with a big grin on her face :/
Total sympathy from me OP!

Kveta · 06/05/2012 19:05

I had this a lot with DS - so cut down drastically on the number of feeds. He now (at 2.7) only gets one feed a day, first thing in the morning, and then it is stopped if he starts writhing or kicking or generally annoying me. I suspect the feeding frequency will go up next month when DC2 arrives, but for now, once a day is enough for me, and if he's ill/out of sorts, I can feed more if necessary.

you have my sympathies though!

Springforward · 06/05/2012 19:08

Sympathy from me too. I fed DS until 23 months, and this sort of thing was why I went to never offer, never refuse in the end, then stopped the bedtime feed myself.

I don't have any constructive advice, but just wanted to say I think feeding toddlers is just a bit like that?

Springforward · 06/05/2012 19:11

Should perhaps add that for us, this started at about 18 months, before then he wasn't so fighty!

StetsonsAreCool · 06/05/2012 20:25

Sympathy from me too!

DD will be two at the end of the month (Shock) and I think I might encourage her to give up then. I'd always given myself two years, and hoped to let her self wean, but GAH!

Her latest trick is to try and latch on from the corner of her mouth Confused

And I know she's not latching well because - and I don't know how is the best way to put this - I'm very aware of what her mouth is doing to get the milk out. It's quite unnerving.

She's not a snuggly feeder either. She only has morning feed now, and she climbs and jumps all over me, kicking DH while she gets her fill. Monster.

EauRouge · 06/05/2012 20:28

Oh, is it the tongue thing? It's so annoying, isn't it.

DD1 is well out of the wriggly phase and is now into the bossy phase- "no, mummy, I will not wait a minute, you will give me booby right now!" Hmm Grin

StetsonsAreCool · 06/05/2012 20:35

Yes (!) the tongue thing. Makes my teeth itch Smile

Luckily DD isn't that wordy yet, but if I try to stop her or move away I get great big sobs and 'Nooooooo, Mummmmmmmy' from her. Almost heartbreaking Grin

JoinTheDots · 06/05/2012 20:45

Oh the leg bracing thing drives me potty! And pinching too, DD is 20 months and seems to want to feed all the time. I am on never offer never refuse but apparently sitting down (even on the loo!) is the same as offering...

Much sympathy from me and I feel the same, I really want her to wean at her own pace, but I want that pace to be a bit quicker.

ZenNudist · 06/05/2012 20:47

Sympathies of course, but what do you want to do on a practical rather than intellectual level? Do you want to stop but can't see him giving it up? You don't say how often he bf. If it is lots, cutting back could be viable to give yourself a break but still feel you aren't weaning him.

I bf ds to that age and he gradually self weaned but I went back to work so went to morning and eve only for 8 months. It was getting so I was reluctantly thinking I'd have to stop as he was hurting me so much with biting and vicious feeding but he gave up anyway without intervention. I was sad but now I am glad I've stopped.

You'll get loads of support on here to bf your ds for as long as you and he both want. Active feeders are more common than you'd think. You only get to see the 'cuddly' ones as they can be fed in public.

whatever you decide you've done well to get this far so big congratulations for that.

Booboostoo · 06/05/2012 21:48

DD is the same! At nearly 12 months she weighs 13 kilos so her kicks, punches, pushes, scratches, etc. are quite painful. She has also started latching on weirdly and catching me with her teeth (I stop and re-start but the message is not getting through). My nipple actually has two little tooth shaped scars! Shock

Springforward · 06/05/2012 21:50

Good point, Zen, about only seeing the cuddly feeders in public. DS was so nosy that feeding in public stopped at around 5 months.... I switched to expressing, or feeding in the car when out and about.

comixminx · 07/05/2012 10:14

Big sympathy from me too! Am currently considering stopping the bedtime feed (not even on the don't refuse, don't offer, so much as on the basis of "here's some nice warm cows milk" instead!). Wriggling, leg bracing, playing, using me as a dummy rather than a way of feeding...

comixminx · 07/05/2012 10:15

DD is 20 months by the way so a very similar age.

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