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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Baby in NICU, so upset at midwife, need advice how to handle

19 replies

Zwitterion · 30/04/2012 11:06

My beautiful 3 day old boy was admitted to NICU last night with a suspected infection and breathing issues.

During the night I came to the unit regularly to breastfeed. He has a good latch, good nappies and I can feel the let down. He is my second, I bf my first for 16 months. I feel pretty confident about breast feeding.

But a mw's comments this morning have really upset me. DS is a big baby - 10lb 4oz. He has fed 20 minutes each side several times overnight and this morning. I think this is fine, my daughter was the same, but MW said that he "should be satisfied after a feed so he must be comfort sucking and not getting milk". I am so cross!

I know I am hormonal and scared and sensitive but I cannot believe a MW knows so little about breast feeding in the early days.

Any advice about how to handle this (my response so far has been to burst into tears, not helpful I know)

Tia

OP posts:
EauRouge · 30/04/2012 11:16

Oh no, it's not right that you should have to defend yourself and your new DS at such a vulnerable time for you both. Do you have a DP that can help to fight your corner? Or maybe ask around the ward to find someone that is at least supportive of BF even if they are not that knowledgeable?

You are right that the MW is not giving correct BF information. Luckily you have the confidence from your experience with your DD, otherwise what the MW said could seriously undermine BF :(

Do you have contact details for a local BF counsellor?

Congrats on your new DS, I hope he makes a full recovery so he can come home soon :)

FannyFifer · 30/04/2012 11:19

Totally fine, tell her thanks for advice but you have breastfed before and know what is normal.

hermionestranger · 30/04/2012 11:22

He's only 3 days old for heavens sake! Tell her that he is just learning how and has a teeny tummy.

I hope your DS is better very soon, you ate doing the best thing for him.

tiktok · 30/04/2012 11:28

That's truly shocking, and you are right to be upset.

If the midwife is any good at her job at all, she will know it is not part of it to undermine a new mother in this way (quite apart from her level of bf knowledge and knowledge of normal new baby needs, which seems very poor indeed).

Hurrah for the comfort sucking! It's wonderful he can connect with you in this way - it is part of breastfeeding and an important part of it, physically and emotionally.

Your ds has been inside you until a few days ago, and now, on the outside, may well be feeling a bit poorly as well as in need of staying in touch with you. Breastfeeding ticks that box beautifully....is it possible the midwife was commenting positively and not actually criticising you? And she just phrased it badly???

crikeybadger · 30/04/2012 11:28

Poor you- just what you don't need on top of an ill baby. Sad

Maybe ask her what is wrong with giving comfort to an ill and very new baby.

Or failing that, just ignore. Smile

Or even better, when you are feeling up to it, complain about her behaviour and lack of breastfeeding knowledge. Smile

NoKnownAllergies · 30/04/2012 11:38

My DS was admitted into NICU with neonate sepsis. I was insistent on BF also. The first MW I came across was really supportive, the second (when shifts changed) kept saying he must be hungry, he looks like he needs a top-up etc. They were weighing his nappies as well so could monitor output!

I asked to speak with the hospital infant feeding co-ordinator as I felt so undermined. Luckily she watched me feed DS, confirmed he was successfully transferring milk and told the second MW that all was fine. It's a really difficult time and even though I had loads of experience in the area when faced with a medical person telling you they have concerns you do start to falter in your belief.

Trust your instincts. Also, even if baby is sucking just for comfort (which I don't believe he is) if you are happy to continue it doesn't matter. :)

Hope he gets better soon.

olimpia · 30/04/2012 11:40

I would be just as enraged as you!
You could ask to speak to the head of midwifery and express your rage concerns. She should know what goes in in her patch.
I really hope your DS recovers soon Smile

Aboutlastnight · 30/04/2012 11:55

I had to fight to feed DD1 in SCBU. They were topping her up with bottles and it was only due to the intervention of a lovely intensive care nurse who pointed out that bottle feeding was not medically indicated at that point, that I could establish breastfeeding (and I fed her successfully to 12 months)

I think they like to see how much milk is going on so they can tick the box etc and obviously it's much easier to do that with bottle feeding.

I hope your wee one gets better soon. If midwife raises concerns again, suggest they get the breastfeeding counsellor along to check everything ok.

JollyBear · 30/04/2012 12:09

Is she a mw or a nurse? I found that nurses had a different approach to establishing bf when my dd was in the neo natal unit. They try and limit bfs to 20 mins with the tiny prem babies so they don't get tired, and encourage you to keep expressing for ng feeds. Not an issue with a lovely full term baby of course. Nurses were keen on routines too.

Hope you are out soon.

Aboutlastnight · 30/04/2012 12:20

I remember the consultant eyeballing the midwife and saying "these midwives with their routines and clocks...tribeswomen g=feed their babies around 18 times a day!"

Felt sorry for her as she was lovely and was the one telling me to throw away the clock!

Original poster
Zwitterion · 30/04/2012 12:38

Thank you so much! I feel so buoyed up by your outrage on my behalf, it means a lot Smile

DS is well enough to come back to the ward with me, hurrah! So I can bf without comment hopefully. I think I will try to speak with the bf counsellor or coordinator here, not to make a complaint but to just raise my concerns.

OP posts:
crikeybadger · 30/04/2012 13:06

That's good to hear that he's getting better. Smile

You can also raise your concerns through the PALS service in the hospital.

Original poster
Zwitterion · 30/04/2012 17:56

Have just met with the hospital's infant feeding co-ordinator who really listened to my concerns. I'm going to email her a link to this thread, thanks for all your advice and support.

OP posts:
tiktok · 30/04/2012 18:06

That's good news, OP :)

This will hopefully mean if there is a training issue, it will be addressed, and other mothers will benefit.

BigBoPeep · 01/05/2012 12:27

who gives a fig if he is comfort sucking? he's ill for goodness sake, if you can't comfort suck when you're a sick 3 DAY OLD....few other things can comfort sick newborns - what an idiot

Original poster
Zwitterion · 01/05/2012 17:35

Just had DS weighed and he's only lost 3% of his birthweight - so proud and relieved.

He's doing really well, still needs regular antibiotics but feeding, pooing and weeing like a healthy newborn.

OP posts:
TruthSweet · 01/05/2012 17:54

You and DS are doing an amazing job! Have some Thanks. Hopefully now the MW/Nurse will get some extra training now on bed side manners, tact, and bfing!

DaSmallPunsMum · 01/05/2012 17:58

Honestly I have had such bad experiences with midwives, had one amazing one, and one who was like dealing with the Gestapo- big borther is watching you vibes!

crikeybadger · 01/05/2012 18:04

That is great to hear. Grin

You must be chuffed and it just shows that all that 'comfort sucking' was a good thing.

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