Please Help Me Wean My Toddler

[blackcurrants]

I am newly pregnant (6 weeks) and breastfeeding is sore!

DS is 21 months and eats and drinks everything very well. He also LOVES BFing and asks me for a feed the way he would ask DH for a cuddle. It's starting to do my head in a bit, and I want him to be weaned before I am visibly pregnant or the second child is here, because I don't want him to associate weaning with the new baby, and cause any resentment etc.

I admire and respect all those who tandem feed and don't think DS is "too old" or anything like that, it's just doing my head in! So that's a good enough reason to stop for me, I want to stop before I remember hating breastfeeding, rather than loving it.

Right now I feed him first thing in the morning in bed, just before a bedtime story at night, and when we reunite after days spent apart at work/nursery around 5pm. He asks for feeds much more often, in fact his ideal would be me sitting, boobs out, on the sofa so he could play and snack and watch telly all at once! :) Needless to say, that's not going to happen, it's time for me to do other things.
Should I drop all feeds all at once, or maybe drop one and then a few days later drop the next?
Everyone who's weaned a toddler: please tell me how! I really need to stop and there will be some tantrums and I just don't know where to start.

Personally I would drop them one feed at a time, and have found in the past that a gentle "later", or "we'll do it at bedtime" or whatever helps to get the message across. Another approach might be to have a 'special place' where you both sit to breastfeed, this means you have to make the effort to take yourselves away from the interesting stuff that's happening in the main part of the home to have a feed. I found with helped with the baby that luuurved to BF, as eventually he couldn't be arsed to go elsewhere for a quick snack and so he gradually dropped BF of his own volition - if that makes sense?

it's worth a go, Missismac - we have a sofa in the living room (things came to a head last week when a tantrumming DS, yelling for a breastfeed, tried to shove DH off the sofa where we usually feed in an attempt to install me on it. Oi, it's my bloody couch, kid!) - and we feed in his room. A few times he's tried to lead me into his room, but mostly he wants me to sit on the sofa. Maybe I'll make it his room only and see how we go from there. I think I'll drop the 'reunion' feed first, I just need to gird my loins to face the hours of tantrums. Urgh.

I think having a special place to bf away from interesting stuff is a good idea too . Do you think that making it his room would cause problems when you come to drop the last feed though?

I'll be watching this with great interest. I have a dd who's 19 months and showing no interest in stopping. I fed DS till 23 months when it started to hurt (realised I was pregnant and had to tell him to stop). Combination of sheer pain and help of the dummy (which he already used anyway) and daddy helping to get him to sleep.

Not sure what to do with dd. I wouldn't mind the morning and night feeds. It's the waking every 3 hr, grabbing boobs the moment I hold her, the moment I sit down, the moment I lie down.... yes I think her idea of heaven would be me sitting on sofa with boobs out 24 hr!!!!!

It's sheer mother's guilt that's making me continue feeding till 23 months....so that she's equal to her brother.

Hate to tell you this drcrab but all that might not stop if you do wean her. DD has been weaned for the last 2 years and she still asks for it most days. She was a real boob monster.

Have you thought about night weaning instead?

Congratulations. :)

Agree with lots of the above - one feed at a time is probably easiest. I'd make sure you offer loads of cuddles, singing, playing and general one-on-one time so he's getting something 'in exchange' for losing out on the bfs he want. It should help to reduce the tantrums slightly.

You may find he starts to lose interest of his own accord. I'm 14 weeks pg and 2.3 y.o. DS has definitely lost interest a bit. It happened somewhere around 6-8 weeks I think, probably when my milk changed to 'weaning milk'. He now feeds less often and for much shorter times - his food intake almost doubled overnight.

I can't see any way he's likely to wean before DC2 arrives, but it would be much easier to wean him now than it would have been 12 weeks ago.

well today (it's 9pm here) I dropped the "Reunion" feed by offering biscuits and a trip to the swings (all offered in a jolly, eighties-Blue-Peter Presenter voice) instead, and thank god it was nice and sunny today after a wet week, we spent an hour outside and when he came home DH had the tea ready and DS started tucking into chicken stew without a backward glance.

Bedtime was another matter. DH had to go out again to a work schmoozy thing, and my usual pattern of feed, read one story, hand over to DH for two stories and putting-to-bed fell down completely. I ended up feeding him to sleep, which feels like a backward step but soddit, there's only so much I can do on my tod!

Thanks, Angel - the absolute dream would be him weaning himself but I can't wait for that, I'm going to try to get it down to the morning feed only. We want a different (dad-centered) bedtime routine anyway, so it makes sense to quietly remove me from that part of the evening for a bit. The less he wants it in the daytime, the less hassle we'll have I suppose!

Some great tips here -thank you and keep 'em coming!

You may find your breastmilk changes and he won't like it... I was nursing my DS when I was pregnant with DD. When I was about 3 months, he stopped. From what I understand, the taste can also change, and the amount can also change...

My DD nursed until she was almost 4, and it only took a week or so. Yes, you will have tantrums, but redirect their attention... Wean down, one feeding at a time... I ended up with the last being bedtime... "only at bedtime now"... then to nothing... and Do NOT give in...once you make that last step. Once she knew I wasn't going to give in... she eventually gave up trying....

I weaned DS just before dd was born - took that long and he still asked once she was here. He's only just given up (dd is 5 months).

In the end I went for distraction and never offered even subconsviously. It's very easy to hold ds in a feeding position without realising. I also had to wear high cut tops as the sight of boob was enough to remind him.

First feed to go was the morning one - just offer milk or breakfast.
Last feeds were the pre sleep ones. For those I just cut them short and put him to bed so he didn't feed to sleep. Then I started offering milk in a cup first and he'd have a top up BF. then we had milk in a cup, with a story and cuddle on my lap so we still had cuddles. I started telling him (nicely), to get into bed and setimes he would without needing a bf. if he asked, I gave him some. Soon I could put him off and say wait until you wake up. That broke the BF to sleep connection though.

I had hoped he'd be put off by my pregnancy. Oh no! My milk supply went down and changed. He fussed a bit but was not put off so I had to take he take gentle measures

ooh, great tips, Iggly.
So far this morning I have dodged the post-nap cuddle-ooze-over-for-a-feed just by sending DH to his bedroom. He came out a bit sooner/grumpier than usual, asking for a drink, and yes, it feels good to have dodged that one. He's asked a couple of times and been relatively happily fobbed off with "no, that's for bedtime". I've noticed today he tends to ask when he's a bit bored- he's always accepted a trip to the garden as an alternative very happily!

DH out again tonight so I fear it will be a BF-heavy bedtime again, but otherwise, at least we're making progress!