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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Would it be mean to send ebf DS to DMs for the night so I can get some sleep?!

26 replies

reddaisy · 25/04/2012 10:52

DS is 7months old and bfeeds about four to five times between bedtime at 7pm and 6am.

We are doing blw by default because he absolutely refuses to be spoonfed and I just don't think he manages to eat enough food to be full yet but he is getting better.

I am exhausted. We have just stopped cosleeping and he is doing well in his own cot but getting up and going into another room in the night to feed him is killing me.

He was a bottle refuser but he will take a few sips from time to time.

Mum has offered to have him and Dd for a night to give me a break but I worry that it is unfair on her and him. But she thinks he will accept a bottle if he has to. In the meantime I could get DP to try to give him a bottle for the nightfeeds but if I am there I always crack and go and bfeed him so we get some sleep.

Any thoughts/advice welcome!

OP posts:

knowitallstrikesagain · 25/04/2012 11:38

If you need sleep then do it. Your mum has offered and has been through raising children, so even if DS screams at her all night she will have the next day to sleep! DS may well scream, but he will have someone to cuddle him, offer milk and comfort him. You are not planning to leave him to cry all night, you have come up with a great solution.

Enjoy your sleep!

Original poster

reddaisy · 25/04/2012 11:43

Oooh thanks. I really, really want to. I havent had more than two hours of unbroken sleep since before he was born so I am like a grumpy zombie most of the time.

OP posts:

witchwithallthetrimmings · 25/04/2012 11:51

I really feel for you, i was like this with dd. I spent most of the nights during her first year as an eat all you like buffet. If you want to night wean him then do it, otherwise i would try and organise help so that you get a long sleep during the day on a regular basis. One night sleep although lovely will not be enough to fulfill your sleep needs.

blackteaplease · 25/04/2012 11:55

Do it. We had our first night away when dd was 8mo and she fed through the night until she was 2.

Your mum is right, ds will take a bottle/milk from a cup if that's all that's on offer. He may well want a feedfest when you pick him up.

Original poster

reddaisy · 25/04/2012 14:06

Wow mumsnet surprises me sometimes! I thought posters would think it would be unfair on DS and tell me that he won't be bfeeding forever etc, etc.

I could cry most days from exhaustion and lose my patience more than I should with Dd.

I would love to night wean but thought it is too soon as Ds still takes a full breast every time he wakes and goes back to sleep again so it is hunger that wakes him up I think. Would it be ok to night wean him then or should I wait until he is older?

OP posts:

blackteaplease · 25/04/2012 14:14

Night weaning is up to you - we had our first attempt at 8 months, then 12 months, then 18 which worked for a bit then we slipped again and were still nightfeeding when dd went cold turkey at 2.

I'm not very good at listening to a baby cry, knowing that I can stop if if I give milk and then we can all go back to sleep. Sorry, that's not much help is it.

PenguinArmy · 25/04/2012 14:38

erm I would disagree with the notion that he will definitely take from a bottle if he has to.

I would be more inclined to have 6-8 hours to myself in the day, when he has solids to occupy him than leave him for a whole night, or even say 6-midnight.

DS is 6.5 months, bottle refuser rarely more than 2 hours. Also have a 2.2 DD.

One thing that works for us is DH getting DS, me feeding in bed and him putting him back in the cot.

PenguinArmy · 25/04/2012 14:38

and just because I disagree he may take the bottle, doesn't mean it's not worth a go, just something to bear in mind

blackteaplease · 25/04/2012 14:40

True, but the OP would still get a full nights sleep. If the GPs are kind enough to offer then it's worth giving it a go.

HappyAsASandboy · 25/04/2012 14:44

I agree with PenguinArmy - see if your mum can take them for a whole (long!) day.

You could have a bath in peace, then go to bed with a good book. You'll sleep the whole day through :) Then you'll be ok to carry on with the nights a bit longer. Maybe your mum would make the day thing a regular event?

I am only hesitating over the night thing because 7 months sounds very lite to me to get through a night without mummy. At 12 months I left my twins with my mum and they coped fine, despite feeding from me about 3 times each a night. So maybe you could have a few days for now, then an overnight at 12 months or so?

PenguinArmy · 25/04/2012 14:46

one approach is to start to space out night feeds, if DS wakes before a certain time/period then DP to resettle. I have thought of doing this but would struggle to feed DS more in the day, as with the toddler we're fairly busy.

Personally I think it is too young to fully night wean but I also appreciate that there is a level of tiredness where you are not the parent you should or want to me. I am just trying to think of other ways to help you in case you feel that full night weaning is too much.

Original poster

reddaisy · 25/04/2012 15:05

Hmm. Maybe I should see if she will look after them both for a day first and then progress to an overnight stay. I have never left him and I have missed numerous nights out/evening wedding invites etc because he bfeeds and refuses a bottle and I am tired and at the end of my tether.

OP posts:

KnockedUpMell · 25/04/2012 18:12

I agree with comment about spacing out night feeds. My DS (14m) sleep got worse as he got older, and by the time he was 1, he had gone from 3 wakings at 5months, to waking every hour! We followed ncss suggestions, and I now put him down to sleep awake and also refuse to feed him unless it's at least 5 hours from last feed. You may want to use a shorter interval if you feel more comfortable with that. He usually only wakes twice now.

KnockedUpMell · 25/04/2012 18:14

Oh and nothing wrong about shipping him off to your mum's!

thisisyesterday · 25/04/2012 18:22

oh go on then i'll be the voice of dissent!

i think it would be actually really unfair on your DS.
he is a small baby still. he will have NO idea why he isn't with you, and to go from 4/5 breastfeeds to none will be massively upsetting for him. not to mention the fact that he will also be in a different place with someone he isn't used to being with at night

and will one night really make that much difference in the grand scheme of things?

I do knoiw how you feel. ds2 was waking every 45-90 minutes all night until he was about 9/10 months old when we used the no-cry sleep solution to try and spread his night feeds out a bit further.

so, personally there is no way i could do it, and yes, i think it would be "mean"

thisisyesterday · 25/04/2012 18:24

can i ask why you stopped co-sleeping?

cos that's the best way to get maximum sleep when you have a frequently waking baby i found.

also, i had a lovely friend who would come and take ds1 off to the park while i had a little nap in the day.
i would go to bed at about 8.30pm and dp would get them both up in the morning so i could have an extra 30-45 mins sleep

all little things, but all helped.

weedoll · 25/04/2012 19:24

I'm in agreement with thisisyesterday i think it would be mean . Similar story in my house so totally sympathise with the lack of sleep and dealing with another child. Really don't think one nights sleep will help you long term, plus you'll probably waken up anyway with painful engorged breasts. Agree that a better solution would be more daytime help, opportunity to nap everyday if your mum is local. And make sure you are eating well, taking vitamins.
Or what about once you've put the baby to bed go to bed yourself and dp deals with any wakenings before say midnight? We did that when we stopped co-sleeping 2 months ago and when I got up at midnight I was ready for the day as it was the longest period of sleep I'd had in 7 months
Good luck whatever you decide, it's hard going but will pass.

sheeplikessleep · 25/04/2012 19:26

I did this with my first DS. I got back at 5.30am. I felt amazing the following day. He took some milk from a bottle, not much but enough to get him back to sleep.

Violetroses · 25/04/2012 19:35

sheeplikessleep, that's interesting. I'm watching this thread because I've got an overnight invitation I can't refuse in June when DS3 will be 6 months old, and he currently feeds several times from midnight til 6am...

sheeplikessleep · 25/04/2012 19:40

I think a lot for my DS was comfort feeding though and I could never tell the difference. I expressed and left loads with my mum and he took like 1 or 2 ounces, if that, before he fell asleep in her arms. I had to throw it all away, as I'd gone totally overboard with giving my mum loads of frozen milk!

Only you know OP when you've reached your 'threshold'. I too was exhausted, in tears and not enjoying being a mum. Yes it was 1 night and not that much in the whole scheme of things, but it made me feel human again.

I also made an agreement with my mum that if DS was upset for more than 40 minutes - 1 hour, to give me a call in the night and I'd be there. My mum didn't need to call me, but it was reassuring to me to know he wasn't going to be crying all night.

sheeplikessleep · 25/04/2012 19:41

My mum was also left with a vat of breadsticks, his favourite food at the time!

Original poster

reddaisy · 25/04/2012 20:27

Well lots of food for thought here. I stopped co-sleeping because although I/we love it I was getting hardly any sleep as he fed all night long and when he wasn't feeding he thrashed around.

I then moved him to his cot mattress on the floor in our room which was worse as I got up at every murmur he made even when he wasn't awake and hungry.

DP does get up with them in the morning when he can but during the week I can't get any help and at the weekend we have DDs activities and the last few months we have had loads on at the weekends. I am a night owl and cherish my time without the DC in the evenings but I do try not to stay up late.

I just need a break, I love bfeeding but I just wish I had a bit more freedom. Maybe I should work up to a night off instead.

OP posts:

Aboutlastnight · 25/04/2012 20:33

At 7 months he could use a cup. You could express some and he could take it from that.

Personally I wouldn't do it, I have bf three and I think 7-9 months is particularly tough. But you are nearly there, in a few months, when eating more solid food it is easier to night wean.

PenguinArmy · 25/04/2012 20:33

anything from 5am-7am is DH's responsibilty as he can sleep early whereas i am a night owl. my bodyclock is just not wired for early sleeping no matter what I try. That single thing is what keeps me going along OK.

I find DS sleeping on his own until i have been asleep a little and then co-sleeping works for me. If he is having a more active than normal night or it's just keeping me awake then he goes back in his basket.

Original poster

reddaisy · 25/04/2012 20:46

I do keep telling myself that it isn't forever. We are getting married when he is ten months old so I am definitely having a night off that night!!

OP posts:

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