Advice from extended breastfeeders please (past and present)

[bronze]

My ds3 turned 3 last week
I've always fed him to sleep
He never settled any other way and of course I was happy to do that if it's what he needed. He still wakes in the night and I feed him back to sleep. I know rod for own back but I was managing the problem as they were at the time

I'm going away for a night in june and a very good friend of mine is looking after the children. She is brilliant with them

I've been trying to wind down the feeding as I know it will be easier. In the night I say two minutes, one minute, half a minute then count down quietly from ten. Quite often he pops off before I've finished counting and rolls over otherwise he is generally happy for me to stop him .

But that's no good if I'm away so last after a couple of wakings I told him I had run out and offered him a drink. Cue heartrending sobs that lasted about half an hour. It was really traumatic and I just held him, offered him a drink and just talked to him. It really upset me and obviously upset him. He has always been quite insistent when he wants a feed though does wait and not pull.

The other thing is he very occasionally falls asleep in front of the tv while I am reading dd a story. I would think he might do this if I'm not there and she gives him some milk and puts on a calming program and hope she can do the same if he wakes.
I don't want to make life too hard for her as she is doing us a big favour but I know she nor I want to needlessly upset him.

Has anyone got any tips/ideas?

What would you do

I found with all mine that while they insisted on breastfeeding when I was around, they were fine with finding a different way if somebody else was looking after them.

I was hoping you would say that.

I'm ok knowing she could get him to sleep the first time, it's the night waking I'm less confident about. I am happy for her to use less proper parenting methods if thats what it takes. Like putting him in front of the tv again, giving him juice to make him feel full, anything within reason that one night wont cause too much harm

DS1 has said he will sleep with him as comfort if needed aww

Our DS is just about to turn 3 and usually feeds to sleep with DW, however if I put him to bed or we've had a babysitter he will go to sleep with a story and someone lying/sitting quietly with him.

As for the night wakings we alternated from about age 1 ish and always found that he went to sleep quicker for me; in the last few months we've found his sleep has improved enough (only 1 - 2 wakings most night) that I felt I could do all the night wakings and would end up with us all getting more sleep! So far, and I say this with everything crossed, its worked...

Thank you thank you. It's all very reassuring. I'll run it past friend but I feel more confident now and will just continue with the gentle weaning him off rather than worrying about that particular day. Won't put him through last night again, or me for that matter

DD2 would settle with a cuddle, a pot of yoghurt and a drink of squash for DH or my sister by that age. Even though I fed her last thing normally.

She never drank milk, still won't.

I agree with LuckyDuck. My DD1's only spent 2 nights away from home when I was in labour with DD2. She went to my DM's and fell asleep with a cuddle and some TV.

Will she go to sleep in the car? Can your friend take him out for a spin in the evening if he won't go to sleep?

will he go to sleep in the car

Yes he will but would mean taking other 3 dcs with her. Said she was a good friend didn't I

I can understand that it's the night waking that really bothers you more than initial settling to sleep. I guess you are worrying that he will be distressed in the night when (if) he wakes and finds you are not there.This is why I've never taken the plunge and left my DS overnight though I do now leave him in the evening and my mum puts him to bed with no problems.
I would say so long as your friend is prepared for this (I'm sure you will have warned her!) then they will just muddle through and they will be fine. It's horrible to think of him being upset but you may well find it all comes to nothing in the end

How old are your older ones? I think it's true that children respond differently when they know their mother is not there. At 3 (my DD1 is the same age, although stopped feeding just before 2), my daughter would be able to fully understand that I wasn't there. She is also in a big bed and would be quite safe sleeping with an older sibling (if she had one!). If you think your DS1 is old enough for the responsibility, I would take him up on it. He might actually find it easier to say "mummy is with her friends, snuggle up with me and let's go back to sleep" than your friend babysitting. Obviously, I'd make sure she had a monitor on in whatever room she was sleeping in, turned up pretty high, and that DS1 was briefed to get you at the first sign of problems.