Older child wants bm - erm, how to handle this delicately?!?!

[Bibulus]

I bf DD1 for 2.5yrs - it was parent-led weaning in the end - she loved the stuff and I couldn't see any signs of her slowing down, so when I returned to work full time I made the decision to stop and she made a relatively smooth transition to cow's milk.

DD is now 5 years old and I'm 30wks pg with DD2. DD is v much looking forward to having a baby sister and asking lots of questions about everything baby-related. On the bm issue, she has asked a couple of times if she can try it??? I have brushed over it a bit and said, 'well if there's any left over maybe you can try some in a cup'... I'm a bit worried about her feeling left out, but at the same time I worry that actually letting her bf at that age might raise problems of its own? not least if she tells anyone else about it, which she would be quite likely to do! or if she decided she wanted it every day which might also be likely.

So, how do you think I should handle this? should I say it's for babies only and run the risk of her feeling left out, or should I let her try a bit?

Ds did this, I just laughed (nicely) ANC told him boobie milk is for babies and he is a big boy. He volunteered to be a baby too but when I suggested he sleep in a cot, wear nappies and get rid of the x box he changed his mind. I understand fearing the elder child feeling pushed aside with a relatively large age gap but I would be firm about it.

you could let her have a go- she will have forgotten how to do it
have a cup of her most fave drink standing by, she will agree it's much better what big girls have!

I think i read something about children actually losing the ability to suckle at that age anyway. There tongue forgets how to do it, even if they have always fed.

I think its very weird if you were to let her feed from you anyway, its milk for the baby not for her. I'm sure you'll come up against a lot of things that she'll want to do because the baby is, she'll have to learn that its not appropriate. DP's cousin (6) is used to being the baby of the family and is always trying to sit in DS's bumbo or trying to get into the highchair. I think its important that she understands she's the big sister now not the baby.

just give her some on a cup and she'll think whatever she normally has is nice I would have thought

I'd put some in a cup and give it to her instead.

It's probably more to do with a bit of (perfectly normal and natural) jealousy than actually wanting to breastfeed. So perhaps make sure there's time every day where the baby is 'ignored' or with someone else and she's got you all to herself.

DS gave up bf when he was 2yrs (and I was pg with DD). When DD was born he still obviously had fairly clear memories and asked to 'have a go'. As he was still fairly young, I said ok.

He snuggled into my lap, put his mouth over my nipples and sort of blew a raspberry and chuckled - he'd forgotten how to latch and he didn't ask again.

In your case the gap is so much larger I might go down the expressing route, I have given DS EBM when poorly sometimes.

Just give her some in a cup, which is the big girl way to have milk. It is what I did with my toddler, who could remember feeding when his baby brother was born.

He didn't actually like it when he tried it, so that was the end of that.

booom makes a good point that there will be various things she wants to get in on and they will all need handling. My sis DS was forever trying to climb into the pram, wanted 'carrying like a baby' i.e cradled on his back.

He wasn't lambasted but he was shown the benefits of being the big brother not the baby. Baby doesn't get this or that (fave food - time doing fave thing etc) soon the envy settles.

quite
no harm in indulging her wanting to be like a baby, it will reassure her, and you can remind her that she had/did all the 'baby things' when she was little (look at photos?) but she will soon find it's more exciting to be a big girl and do big girl things
very easy to bf while reading to an older child, every one's a winner!

I would have handled this how my friend did - her son asked to feed when the younger one was born and she just allowed him, but in the year since he'd finished feeding he had lost his latch, and when nothing came out, that was the end of that.

Since you've mentioned cup though, I would give her some and see what happens. Probably she will agree orange juice (or whatever) is nicer.

I let my DS(4) and DD1(2) try, but we had a good laugh that they couldn't do it anymore. There were so many things that the baby (DD2) couldn't do that they could, but there was one thing that DD2 could do that they couldn't. It was all very lighthearted and fun.

The older ones also played being my baby sometimes but I'd do things like pretend to drop them while I was rocking them singing "rock-a-bye baby". Basically kept it so that they knew it was just a game, but it was fine if they wanted to play at being a baby for a little while.

same as rhinestone, really I called DD's bluff for want of a better phrase.

That way BF doesn't become this big special baby thing. Admittedly DD was a lot younger. When I express, rarely, I give her some as DS is a bottle refuser

Totally normal, dd was weaned at 8 months and at 3.5yrs when I was bf ds she started bf on my arm

When dd was born ds1 was 2. He tried to latch on, giggled and turned away. I thought stopping him would make him feel pushed out so I just let him. After that he drank any expressed milk going and when I was feeding would get in the other side of my bra and catch the drips in a cup .

When I was pg with ds2 ds1 didn't seem bothered but dd who is 3 talked constantly about how when I made milk again this breast would be for her and the other one for the baby and how the baby would share HER milk. After birth she has not once tried to feed or wanted to drink expressed milk. In fact I offered expressed milk and she look disgusted by the idea. Ds1 though is now 5 and adores bm, if I ever express he is on it like a shot! I don't mind, makes a nice healthy drink for him!