Breastfeeding a (nearly) 18-month-old and beginning to feel resentful :(

[Muckamuck]

Any tips on stopping at this stage, or encouragement to keep going through this difficult patch?

DD2 is on the boob all the time! I can't sit down for two minutes at home without her clambering on and helping herself. If I get down onto the floor to play with her or her sister, same thing. She's less insistent when we go out so long as she's distracted but there will always come a point (usually when she's tired) when she wants feeding/comfort.

The idealist in me wants to be the sort of mum who just doesn't mind. I know it's good for her, and comforting while she's teething, exploring etc. But i'm afraid the reality is i'm becoming increasingly frustrated (sometimes it feels like such an invasion of my body!), it hurts sometimes due to the teething, and I am starting to get embarrassed in public (even though I know I ought not to care!). Fact is, people (including some friends and family) can be tremendously judgemental about BF'ing a walking, talking toddler who is often to be seen dancing a merry jig on my lap - nipple in mouth!

With the help of a very patient (and now very tired DH) we've managed to night wean her (sort of), as it had got to the stage where she would wake every 1-2 hours for a "suckle" (we co-sleep) and I was just getting way too tired. I say sort of, as she still often wakes any time from 4.30/5 onwards for a feed.

I BF DD1 until about 18 months but she also took a bottle from 9 months which made it easier to introduce this gradually as a substitute. DD2 won't take much from a bottle (but does take some cows' milk). She eats pretty well. I don't want to get into expressing as didn't get on very well with this in the past.

I don't want this issue to affect my relationship with DD but I already feel less inclined to initiate a cuddle with her in case she goes in for the nipple! Any advice/experience appreciated!

By 18 months you should be able to convince your DD that she can't feed all the time. DCs that age understand a lot more words than they can use.

Also dresses are very handy, DD2 quickly learnt that she couldn't get in the top or bottom of a non stretchy cotton dress

Should add that DD2 choose to carry on BFing for a very long time and seemed instinctively to know when not to ask.
She generally took a gentle hint.

Just remember, it is your body and your decision. You decide on what you think is OK and stick to that. It is OK to say no. Would you let her rifle through the kitchen cupboards and get what she wanted? What would you think of a similar age child who had a dummy in their mouth constantly? Give her something else to do - stories, toys etc.
By that age I was only BF morning and evening and stopped well before 2. Do whatever suits you, not what you think your Mum, sister or other BF Mum's think you should do. By 18 months she'll be fine with no BM, and fine with it, but it is an age where she is testing boundaries. At present you have none and it's annoying you. Decide what you think is OK and stick to it.

Will watch thread with interest! I know how you feel. My daughter is 20 months and very vocal and verbal when she wants it. To be honest I'm still ambivalent about stopping although I do hear the sound of eyebrows raising every time a new person finds out she's still feeding. But I'm going to be away from her for a week in June and neither relishing the pain for me, nor the distress for her and her dad if it ends up being cold turkey at that point.

I think it was on here the other day that someone advised "distract, distract, distract - and never sit down!"

I suppose the other thing might be to watch over-tiredness and hunger/thirst cues very carefully so that ideally all her needs are met before they reach the whiny stage that needs the kind of comfort when only boob will do!

Hopefully the more experienced will be along soon! I'm not great at taking my own advice but I'll give someone else's a go :)

Startail - she's a feisty creature and pretty insistent about what she wants. I've always fed on-demand and am probably far too soft so I accept this is partly my fault so when I try to say no she just sort of SCREAMS the house down and grapples around the boob area trying to find a way in! Some days I have the resolve to stick to my guns and look for distraction, or provide snacks, but other days my resilience is low. It can feel like a huge effort to not give in, and I usually opt for the path of least resistance probably down to laziness, tiredness, lack of tolerance for incessant, high-pitched screaming

That said, I'm feeling a glimmer of hope here as well as eyeing up lots of high-necked dresses on the Internet if your DD got the message at 18 months. Perhaps I need to be less of a soft touch more consistent with the "NO"s. I did read somewhere that, "don't offer, don't refuse" is the way to go with weaning, which is why I haven't always had the courage of my convictions when she's being so insistent.

I have a 20 month old DD and I'm kind of getting a bit fed up of the demands for milk. She goes to nursery 3 days a week and eats well there, but on the other days food is hit and miss and she wants to feed more. I'm in two minds as I think she will progress at her own time and she knows better than anyone else what she needs etc etc and I'm fairly happy to go along with her, but it is the nights which are doing my head in at the moment.

Recently she has been waking up lots of times and will only settle by a BF, not even a cuddle is enough. Sometimes I've had enough and I'd go and sleep in my 3.5yr olds bed to get away from DD. Some advice on how to night wean would be great OP. Sorry to hijack your thread.

Sometimes when DD wants BFing in the daytime and it is not convinent I try and distract her or give her a snack instead. She fusses for awhile and then accepts it.

No advice but my DS 8 months sat up to start playing with my boob in his mouth today. I was just a bit so it made me laugh when you said your DD dances around :)

Meant to say, thanks Startail

Thanks also to Harecare and SecondRow . Harecare, it's not having the courage of my convictions that's not helping here. I guess I feel a bit of a pang of conscience for using the boob as a parenting tool when it suits me, and not necessarily when it suits her. What you have is ideally what I would like: morning and evening feeds, at this stage, and no more. And I'd definitely like to have stopped by the time she's 2. Helpful to hear you suggest that I can set boundaries on this issue (I do on others, so why not breastfeeding I suppose). I think I need to rid myself of the notion that on-demand is appropriate, especially at this age when demand is so high!

SecondRow, good to have some safety in numbers! I don't envy your DD's father in June! Might be a good time to stop, though, so I do envy you (a bit - though not easy for you either). You're so right about spotting the cues in advance though, and I reckon distracting (and never sitting down!) might be the only way. Good advice. It's going to require a lot of determination on my part. Need to face up to that.

@ Booom . I regularly get "mauled" by DD who pulls my hair, slaps my boobs, twiddles my nipples and sticks her fingers up my nose and in my eyes! .

Choceyes , night weaning has involved me sleeping in with DD1 or in spare occasionally wearing ear plugs and letting DH go to DD2 to settle her. We only started the process once we were satisfied that she wasn't waking due to hunger any longer. At the start, DH would often have to pace the floor to get her back over but now (several weeks in) she will often settle back to sleep with a little back rub or a cuddle. Took a few weeks but we got there in the end.

I am feeding my 18 month old twins at the moment, and I can certainly sympathise with the feeling that others are judging. To be honest, I don't care what they think, but then my two don't really demand milk (except at bedtime, where it's more of an expectation than a demand).

Do you use a dummy or comfort teddy/blanket? We do, and if they're tired and grizzly but I don't want to feed, if we're at home I let them have their dummies and teddies. If we're out, there's normally something to distract them or I'll put them in the buggy and walk (then they sleep!).

Although the day times work very well, I have my problems in the night! I feed them anywhere between once and four times each in the night - that's when I find it futile to try and deny them milk!

HappyAs - wow, twins. I take my hat off. Actually, feel a bit ashamed now for grumbling when I'm only dealing with the demands/expectations of one. Good for you! But also - sympathies.

Sadly neither of my DDs were interested in dummies (I did try on HV's advice). I guess it's a bit late to try again now!

Muckamuck Saying no to something (anything) and then giving in to bad behaviour - screams etc means bad behaviour gets what you want. You want DD to learn that good behaviour gets rewards. Either don't say no or if you do say no you can't back down. Bad behaviour after being told no must be dealt with separately - I've always done time out step, but leaving the room until DD has calmed down is easier. If you make it clear when you are prepared to feed her she'll know that getting a refusal doesn't mean never again, but she must wait until you say.
Distract, give a different comforter, ask if she's hungry, give her a cuddle/tickle/throw her about a bit!
The key is to decide what you think is appropriate and stick to your guns.

*Harecare - fair point. I'm starting to realise that I'm in a new chapter with DD2 and the breastfeeding (probably been in it for a while but in denial). I've never seen this area of parenting as something that requires the setting of boundaries but I stopped BFing DD1 quite easily, precisely about now, so I guess I'm entering uncharted territory.

I think you're quite right. As with many other areas of parenting, consistency is key. That said, I don't think time-out will work with her just yet. It didn't with her sister until she was quite a bit older. But I am going to be careful to stick to my guns from now on. I have a new-found determination. I'm still hoping to offer her the morning and evening feeds for a while yet but am hoping to reduce the unrelenting demands for BM during the day. Wish me luck!

Thanks all.

2pm and I haven't BF since 6.30am! Not been easy but also not been as bad as I thought. Have employed snacks, distraction techniques and HAVE NOT SAT DOWN - not once!

DD napping now so not sure how it'll go when she wakes (that's often a demanding time) but I'm feeling quite pleased about the progress so far.

I think my ambivalent mental attitude and guilt about stopping daytime feeds was holding me back. Thanks MNetters for helping me to see sense, and for giving me support/courage to stand firm. TBH, if we still have a morning and night feed I'll be quite happy with that for as long as she is.

Glad you're feeling happier.