breastfeeding and sex

[missdeelite]

This is a slightly personal post but I wanted to know other peoples experiences, as its something not really spoken about.

I'm ebf my 5 mo and haven't got my period back yet. This is my 3rd baby and me and dh are understandably knackered. However, we still haven't done 'the deed', and I'm feeling bit anxious about it. WIth my other 2 I tried to get back in the saddle, as it were, after about 6 weeks, and it was going through the motions tbh, just felt like I should make the effort!

This time I really can't get into it, and I'm thinking this is partly a hormonal thing. I'd like to continue feeding to 1 yr this time (did 8 mths last time) but hoping some semblance of a libido might return before then? Got periods back around 6 months and think this conincided with feeling bit more sexy. Did anyone else find that?

Anyone else not swinging from the chandeliers yet? Am I a terrible wife???? Should I just put on a brave face and some sexy nursing lingerie?!!! dh is great btw no pressure from him, but obv he'd love a green light!

I don't remember it having any effect on my libido, but I got my periods back after a couple of months each time.

Possibly when you cut down on the night feeds you will get your period back?

I have heard that some people struggle with this too - luckily for me it wasn't too much of an issue - DS2 ended up feeding for 4 years - would have been a long haul for both of us!

Had my 4th in October and we still haven't ventured. Tbh, I'm absolutely shattered this time and having some health worries about the baby so cannot muster up even a slight interest. DC4 is a terrible sleeper and DH is in the States for 10days each month so it just hasn't happened. Like you, I was about 6wks with first 2 then about 8wks with DD2 (DC3) But this time I just don't have anything to give either physically or emotionally. I'm not too worried as I know that even though it took longer with the third than with the first 2, it did come back but I didn't really feel sexy and like myself again until I stopped BF at 6mths but that may just be me.
Just take your time and don't rush into something you're feel sure you won't enjoy. Alternatively, get someone to babysit and take him out somewhere nice and share a nice bottle of wine (obv have some EBM for DC)

We were hardly ramapant before, but bf kills my libido. DS is 11 mo, we have done it once since. He still feeds through the night, I work FT.

I think it is hormonal, still no cycles back yet.

Personally I wouldn't lie back and think of England. It'll come back soon enough.

I must admit am kind of going through the motions here a bit although find once we're going, i get into the swing of it...

It's tough though and do feel bf contributes - ds is 4 months and is definitely hungrier than dd and i know we've been less 'active' this time round!

Could also be more children = much more tired which also makes a difference?

Like you, i have an understanding dh but would like to feel a bit sexier!

My DD is 16wks and we haven't yet partly because my section wound still hasn't fully healed but it's only been in the last couple of days that I've felt up for it. Even then, we still haven't as I really need my wound to heal first, I think I'd struggle mentally if it had another setback when it's so close to being fully healed. This is my first child and I don't think I could go through the motions for anyone but DH has always had a lower sex drive than me and although he's made the odd joke about being given the key to the enchanted garden he wants me fully healed as much as I do. Sorry, not been much help have I?

I would name change but actually I'm not ashamed. I find it really hard to feel sexual when bfing and fortunately Dh is the sort of man to find bfing our babies more important than shagging.

DD is DC3 and the only one bfed beyond a few weeks. She is 10 months now and we've only done it once. It has certainly killed my libido. I have no interest at all in sex.

I thought it was lack of sleep at first, due to DD also being a worse sleeper than the DSes, however she is slepping well now, so I think it's hormonal.

With both of mine I totally lost interest, unfortunately I did during pregnancy too so it was a LONG time before we had anything even remotely resembling a half decent sex life!
Tiredness and other children all play their part too.
With DS2 we made an effort to have sex sooner but was still probably 3 or 4 months after giving birth.

My DD is,19 weeks and we haven't . I just don't want to and am starting to feel like I'm neglecting my husband! I'm also afraid of getting pregnant again and don't want to run the risk . DH is being patient but I think he misses it . I keep thinking 'tonight' but don't.

Are you sure you're not putting pressure on yourself? I'm just thinking at 6 weeks the other times, especially if you say you were more going through the motions.

When you say you haven't "done the deed" yet, are you talking just penetrative sex, or are you not feeling/doing anything sexual at all? I think that part of it is hormonal, definitely, but part of it is your usual routine being interrupted and partly habit. You do need to take things slowly. Whichever stage you're at, whether you just want a cuddle and a chat, or something like a bath together, or some kissing (kissing and not being allowed to do anything else can be really sexy!) or if you're further along the sex continuum, try to make time to do that, just what you feel like doing at the moment. If it leads to something else, then that's great, but the point of it isn't for it to lead anywhere, it's just for you both to enjoy that activity together as it is, and for some "couple time" to be built into your week or your day (whenever you get the spare time).

Ah ladies thank you so much for your honesty!!! Little sigh of relief that there is not something wrong with me. We have obviously evolved not to go out and get pregnant again too quickly but modern life makes us feel so much pressure to be back to normal again.

I do wonder if there is something in more children = longer abstinence Skillbo! After a day of meeting all the kids various needs all I need is to be LEFT ALONE!!! I think as much as the sex DH misses the attention/closeness, I should make some more effort, even for a back rub or something!

Bertie thanks for the tips, that's kind of what I was thinking about making more effort. Maybe take it slowly, bit like losing virginity again eek!!! I probably am putting pressure on myself, its quite helpful to get perspective form other mums about what is 'normal'! I read on Mumsnet thread once about people having sex DAYS after!!!WTF???

Op I could have written your post!! My DD is also 5 months and our third! We haven't either and I have no interest in doing so in the near future!! I havent slept in a week and I barely have the energy to breathe!! If I remember rightly it was 6 weeks after dd2 but she was ff! I believe it's definitely something to do with bf and hormones! I've never been like this before and have questioned whether there is something wrong with me!! Reading what others have said I feel pretty normal now!!

As long as you're not the only one making effort, that sounds great :)

I think that there is an element of "re-losing your virginity", it's hard because (in my experience anyway) everything is so tender down there and you're both so busy that you do kind of need to re-learn how to be close. And actually there's something really exciting and special about doing all of that again, makes you feel like a teenager experimenting, but without the horrible awkwardness!

Yeah, the people who do it days after must have some kind of super-vaginas Fair play to them, I wouldn't want to do it though.

My dd is 7.5 months, I got my period at about 5 months pp, still haven't had sex. I just realty can't be arsed tbh, is that awful? We mostly co-sleep and I actually really don't like my DP touching me at all, non-sexuallly, while i'm feeding her bless him we'll get there eventually! I do quite want to check if it all still works though!

DD is 11 mo and we've done it about 3 times. I don't know about it being hormonal as I got my perods back at 11 wks (grr) despite feeding through the night. I just have ZERO interest to be honest, although I have enjoyed it once we got going.

belmo you said it! My DS is also 7.5mo and I just can't be fagged! I feel like DS wants a piece of me all day and all night and I just want some time without being pawed at. DH doesnt reeeeally paw, but he can be a bit cloying when I just want to be left alone. DS also sleeps in with us, so finding an opportune moment would be rare.

My undercarriage was so wrecked post birth, I just want to let it be and not worry about it until my womb calls for another baby! I guess it applies to BF too - I'm always covered in milk and hoiking boobs in and out of bras and put up with nipple twiddling and licking enough as it is... Poor old DH. Luckily he's very supportive and hasn't let on if he's gagging for it!

DD is 8 months. We've done it once, about 4 months ago

I can't blame tiredness. She's great at night. I think it must be hormonal.

Was the same after dd1, I got my period back at about 11 months if I recall correctly. Then was pg again only a few months later

Our sex life is rubbish but it bothers me more than DP who's never been much into sex

I wish he was, if he'd make the effort I know I'd get back into it, but I can't be arsed enough to initiate it

Just realized I think this is something we need to sort out really

Its hard isn't it woodshed, I know I could go on like this for a while, but also know I have to look after my relationship. My dh isn't exactly a romantic, he wouldn't go to any lengths to woo me iykwim, but I'm sure he's missing it!

Thing is a bit of pampering and romance could make all the difference. He can't just come home from work late, (works bloody long hours) and expect me to be waiting!!!

He bases his sexual strategy on Larry David (Curb your enthusiasm, don't know if you've seen it?) 'Just tap me on the shoulder!!!' and he'll always oblige!!! charming!

I didnt breastfeed last time and had 69 after 10 days when stopped bleeding and sex at 3 wks.this time i am 2 weeks in we did 69 last weekend as i only bled for a week this time and i am breastfeeding exclusively.havent seen a differenv
ce between ff and bf really i think it sounds like you just feel tired.

My libido is utterly dead, DD is 26 weeks. DH bangs on about all the fucking time so I'm afraid I do lie back and think of England. Once we actually get going its good, always good. But I just can't be arsed and feel like I spend all my time rejecting him it fucking sucks and I wish he'd just back off but we've found a compromise of a couple of times a week