The best way to express when not bf?

[nightowlmostly]

Hi, I've been having a lot of trouble breastfeeding, my DC just won't latch on and hasn't fed from me at all at 9 days old. He has been having expressed milk every day alongside formula, but even though I'm expressing about 4 or 5 times a day the supply seems to be drying up. The midwife did say I should be expressing 8 or 10 times per day, but what with having to actually feed him, change him, get some sleep and everything else that needs doing it's really hard to find the time to do it that much.

The thing is, even though I've been expressing fairly regularly since I saw the midwife, when my boobs were huge and full of milk, they seem to be producing less and less every day. I really would appreciate any advice on how to get my supply up again by solely expressing.

I have decided not to keep trying to feed him as it seems to be flogging a dead horse and is making me really depressed. I find it hard to accept that I can't feed my son myself, as I was so determined to do so.

I would ask nicely that you don't try and give me advice on how to get him to latch on or how to get him to feed as I just can't do it any more and I feel incredibly guilty about it already. After the last failed attempt I was in tears for hours.

Thanks for any advice, I really just want to be able to give him some bm every day for a few weeks, I know that most of his intake will be formula but a little bit is surely better than nothing.

Big Hugs nightowl. I really feel for you. Sound exactly like me with my DD who also couldn't latch on. I was so exhaused doing expressing, formula top ups, putting her to the boob, washing up sterlising and nappy changing, I nearly had a breakdown. It ruined those first few precious weeks with her for me. I was so upset at being not able to feed her. I saw countless midwives who were no help (assured me she was latched on, but she wasnt). I called Claire Byam-Cook and got her round. She got my DD latched on in 5 minutes (I kid you not). It felt totally different. The only trouble was, I was about 9 weeks in too, and just still so exhausted. I gradually gave up. In the end I figured that I was a better mum not exhaused and tearful all the time. I felt guilty for a long long time afterwards, and envious of mothers who could breast feed with ease. But I'll tell you this, if I had a second baby I would try again, but cut my loses if it didnt work out pretty quickly, and spend the extra time resting and enjoying my baby. Its bonkers doing breast, expressing, top ups and sterlising.

Im sharing this not to deter you, but let you know that you're not alone, and to give you a vitual big hug. Dont beat yourself up about it, and try to get some rest. Big hug, let us know what you decide to do and how you get on.

Thanks very much for sharing your story, I appreciate it. It's just so emotional for me, trying to get him to latch on makes me feel really stressed and sad, I cry a lot after. It's only been 9 days, which makes me feel like I should be trying for longer, but I really don't think I can keep putting myself through it, it's messing with my head. My DH is very understanding, and says I've done as much as can reasonably be expected and should knock it on the head.

Like you, the thought of going to meet my NCT group and seeing them feeding with no trouble worries me, I'll feel envious of them I'm sure. And those that struggled, I'll compare myself to them and think I should have gone on for longer. But I have to do what's best for all of us, and having me in a state is no use to anyone. I'm having a bit of a hard recovery, and it's just too much.

See, I'm feeling I have to justify myself again! I really feel people might judge me, I have a midwife appt next week and I'm dreading telling them I've stopped trying.

I just need to figure out how to stop my milk drying up, the frequency of expressing doesn't seem to help. I've been told to do it for 15 mins each side, but there isn't enough to keep on for that long. Maybe I'll just have to give up altogether, even though I don't want to.

Anyway, thanks again, it does help to hear from people who understand what it feels like!

Hey, I had my DS 11 days ago at 35 weeks, I was determined to BF and managed to express bits whilst he was in intensive care however I found once I did some skin to skin, him in nappy, me topless with cover over, it really helped, I stick him down my top at every opportunity now!! He is in a special care now and despite trying and getting loads of help he won't feed off me, after spending a few days crying and getting really stressed I have him some expressed milk in a bottle, we are both much happier now! I am using an electric pump, I tried hand expressing but just found it made my hand hurt, if the midwife hadn't suggested a pump I wouldn't have carried on, I haven't tried it but I believe there is some medication you can take that has the side effect of increasing milk supply, not sure how willing gp's are to prescribe/if you can get over counter. Really hope you can find something that helps, the nicu nurses kept telling me every little bit counts

When are you expressing? It's frequency and also important to be pumping during the night to at lest once between the hours of 1am-4am I think (would check kellymom website but it's down at the moment) Dry pumping that is pumping while you arent getting any milk is actualy important to help stimulate supply so don't feel like your not achiving anything if nothing is coming out. You should dry pump of around 5minutes each side, each time you pump.

This is really important due to your hornomal level's being higher at night.

I'd also like to suggest that if you are still unhappy about how things have turned out then why not give one of the helplines a ring and they can go through everthing with you and give you some more support.

It's hard and try not to put to much pressure on yourself but belive it or not this situation could be rescued if that is what you want. Try having lots of lovely skin to skin contact with your baby when he's not hungery do this for as long as possible, he may natrualy just try to latch. Limit the no of other people who handle him being passed from person to person doesn't help. Did you have a tramatic birth?

Hi elliebug, am sorry to hear your baby is in nicu, I hope he's ok. I don't know whether I'm reaching the end of the road when it comes to all this. The expressing is getting less and less every day, I only managed to get 30 mils yesterday, from 3 attempts.

My DH says I should give it up and enjoy these early days instead of beating myself up about it all the time. I'm starting to agree with him, to be honest. It's so stressful, and it seems my body just doesn't want to help me out! I'm sure you're doing the right thing for you, as he's so little and early, but I think calling it a day is the right thing for us.

Thanks everyone for trying to help, I'm going to let it go now and get on with mixing bloody bottles forever! It's such a shame, I really never thought it would be so hard.

Thanks x

Sorry micgril I posted before I read your post. The birth was quite traumatic tbh, I had a bleed and it all went very quickly, nearly had an emergency c-section. I have had an episiotomy which is not healing well, and for the first few days there was no way I could attempt to bf, as I could hardly sit or move at all without being in agony! By that time he had got used to a bottle I think.

I really feel like keeping going will just make me get depressed, these last two days when I haven't tried to get him to latch have been much better, I feel much more stable in myself instead of a gibbering wreck! It might seem that I'm giving in too soon, but I really don't feel I can continue. Thank you very much for your advice though x

MigGril even!

Even if you do want to stop, it's still worth doing skin to skin, this is so important for bonding with your baby.

A traumatic birth and giving bottle's so early on really didn't get you off to the best start, things where always going to be hard to get going after this.

It also could still be worth ringing one of the helpline's they will help you come to terms with how things have worked out for you.

Thanks, will do skin to skin, it's so nice to do anyway!