DD is self-weaning and it's not quite how I thought it would be...

[NeedsInspirationFor2012Name]

I always planned to let me DD self wean and thought that it would happen when she was ready.

DD is 4yr 4mths and has recently been unable to latch properly and it often hurts - lots of taking her off and 'Biiiiig mouth' then relatching but recently her latch has got worse and worse .

The think is I always thought that she would be 'ready' when she weaned bit the reality is she's not completely ready and has made it clear she wishes she could still do it

On the whole she is coping well and we have had several chats about how she is growing up and that it is a positive thing and we can have special cuddles etc.

I have mixed feelings about it, in lots of ways I am ready for this part of out journey to be coming to an end but in other ways my heart aches. Aches for the end of the breastfeeding journey but more because she is really so disappointed that she can't do it any more. Not that I can share that with many people in RL!

I am just really trying to follow her lead and when she asks to have another go I let her and then comfort her when she realises she can't latch.

Does anyone know of any books about older child weaning that I could buy which are aimed at the child? To help her understand?

Any other suggestions to make it easier on her?

I don't know of any books except 'Breastfeeding Older Children' by Ann Sinnot (there is a FB group too) and 'Breastfeeding Your Nursing Toddler' (but 4y isn't really a toddler as such!) but they are aimed at adults not children though they may help with ideas on gently ending bfing with a child with latch difficulties (or even suggest ways to help the latch).

DD1 couldn't bf any more when she was 3y 6m as her mouth had changed shape to allow for her first adult molars - this meant she couldn't latch - she was a bit upset (though DH cried far more than she did) and tbh she would bf now if she could - she is 6y though we have worked through it with lots of snuggling and cuddles.

She got her molars about a year later and now at just turned 6y has 10 adult teeth so was/is advanced dentally speaking (that's the only thing I can brag about as a parent - DD1's superior teething not so great as if she was a genius, eh?)

DD3 was born the month after DD1 finished bfing and she was very keen for me to bf DD3 (of course I did) but the slightest murmur and DD1 was there suggesting I give her Bah!

DD2 is the same age as your DD (4y 4m) and I thought she had self weaned as we were down to 1 feed every week then 2 weeks went by and nothing so I was all 'she's self weaned yay!' but then a week later she asked for it (and got it) so I think we are just at the very end stage.

She doesn't nurse for more than 30 secs each side as I am pg with DC4 and am dry nursing at the moment and it hurts!! (not the dry nursing just nursing in general as it hurt when I had milk too). She did go through a phase of needing to be told 'big mouth' and 'no teeth, tongue over teeth!' but got through it okay.

Is there anyway you can make finishing bfing positive for your DD? You could throw her a party (common in the more 'crunchy' areas in the US I believe) - it could just be a teddy bears' picnic with her playschool friends, take her on a special day out, get her something she can have in place of bfing for comfort (as well as your cuddles of course) maybe a teddy, necklace with something tactile on it to fiddle with, book to read together, or institute a ritual that takes place instead of bfing e.g. reading the special book together, having a snuggle in the comfiest chair in the house, etc.

We made sure DD1 knew that it happens to all children, that they grow out of nursing, and that some children grow out of the need to nurse, but some grow out of the ability to nurse before they are ready to grow out of the need and that we would help her fulfil that need in other ways. She obviously didn't know at the time that the vast majority of children don't nurse to self-weaning (she did know that some babies have bottles but she thought most had 'bah') so she felt comforted that it was okay and normal to not be able to have bah any more as it's what happens to other children. She did need lots of extra cuddles

Good luck and I hope you find a way which works for you and your DD.

Aww what lovely stories!

I have both the books you suggest but like you say they are aimed at adults rather than children.

She seems to be dealing with it well on the whole. I'm trying to spend 1:1 time with her more than usual and let her lead the way with it all so that she knows I can still offer her all the comfort she needs.

Maggie's Weaning might be the sort of thing you're after.

I'm going through a similar thing with DD1, I think she is losing her sucking reflex as she keeps saying there is no milk coming out. I thought that self-weaning meant that they gradually cut down on feeds but no sign of that here!

Is there an LLL group near you?

Ohh thanks Eaurouge, just ordered it!

Closest LLL group is a good 45 min away from me.

I agree with the cutting down! DD was just morning and night but would have happily fed anytime of day or night if I agreed She is seeming less and less bothered about stopping so fingers crossed it will be ok