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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Why this obsession with weaning MY baby off breastmilk?

19 replies

JumpinJellyBeansOnToast · 20/04/2012 20:43

Would appreciate a pep talk/kick up the arse for being so sensitive about this. DS is coming up to a year old in a few weeks and I will be returning to work soon. We had a difficult start with breastfeeding no thanks to tongue tie but since that's been sorted, bf has been my best parenting tool. Comfort, nutrition and a reset button all rolled into one. I am happy for bf to continue for as long as DS wants it, and we discovered a few months ago that he is allergic to cow's milk so in my mind that's even more of a reason to continue breastfeeding.

My issue is the never ending 'advice' from friends, family and even healthcare professionals on weaning him off the breast and getting him onto milk alternatives. I have not asked for any of this advice, or even invited it. I used to quite cheerily say 'nah, we'll just carry on with breastfeeding' and by now am used to the incredulous looks. But lately I've had enough and can barely control my rage annoyance.

Add this to the again unsolicited advice on night weaning makes me feel like a failure even though my logical mind knows that there is nothing wrong in DS not sleeping through the night. I'm a pretty confident person and I know in my heart of hearts we are doing the right thing for us as a family, I just wished people would stop trying to convince me otherwise.

Sorry for the massive post. I just needed to vent and haven't got anyone in RL who understands where I'm coming from apart from DH but there is only so muc ranting the poor man can take.

OP posts:

Kveta · 20/04/2012 20:47

might help

we had the same with DS, still do now and I'm 33+3 with DC2 and still bfing a toddler. I tend to roll my eyes a lot :o

do you have a local la leche league group, they are pretty supportive IMO :)

HappyCamel · 20/04/2012 20:49

Dd is 13 months I feed her twice in the night, before she goes to bed and when she eats up. I work full time. It works for us and the deal is I get to go back to bed after her breakfast feed at weekends to catch up on sleep.

I've had less "advice" than you but I tend to say "she has milk" or "I give her milk" rather than "I bf". Maybe that's why I get less grief. I'm not trying to hide it, I'm just sick of talking about my boobs to now!

FirstLastEverything · 20/04/2012 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crikeybadger · 20/04/2012 20:55

No pep talk from me about being too sensitive because I can completely see why you'd feel this way.

Unsolicited advice is just rubbish but you just have to trust your judgements.

Keep ranting.

Original poster

JumpinJellyBeansOnToast · 20/04/2012 20:56

Thanks Kveta. Will check that out.

See HappyCamel everyone wants to know what he's drinking because of his cow's milk allergy, so I can't get away with just saying 'milk'!

OP posts:

EauRouge · 20/04/2012 21:05

Vent away Bloody annoying when people try to undermine all your hard work. FirstLast is right about the cow's milk thing, I think a lot of people assume that because you can give cow's milk to a 1 yr old that you'd just switch. They do shut up after a while. You could tell people that you plan to BF for the WHO recommended 2 years, which is a global recommendation and not just for developing countries.

And defo agree, you'd be in good company at an LLL meeting.

Goofymum · 20/04/2012 21:09

I can understand why you're getting so fed up with it, I had the same with Breast feeding my 2 DDs. The night feeds and breakfast feed continued for a while after they were 1 but did stop naturally. Why does the world and wife feel the need to give you advice when you have a baby? Stick to your guns, trust your instincts. You are doing absolutely the right thing for your baby, especially considering the milk allergy.

SecretNutellaFix · 20/04/2012 21:11

Maybe you do just need to tell them to shut the F up- he'll wean when he's ready and until he is a bit older, your breastmilk will continue to nourish and comfort your son.

Original poster

JumpinJellyBeansOnToast · 20/04/2012 21:44

Thanks all. I will get in touch with my local LLL I think. I stopped going to baby groups after a few weeks as I didn't enjoy them but I've never been to a LLL one. goofymum you've hit the nail on the head. I'm very used to doing my own thing and just can't get my head around why people think their opinions are welcome.

I wish I have the courage to just tell people to fuck off but although I am very sweary in my head, I am most polite and agreeable a doormat in real life. Although since having DS I have discovered my claws a little.

OP posts:

Bettyonholiday · 20/04/2012 21:55

I totally understand where you are coming from. I went out the other night and was a little late, having needed to breast feed DS. I apologised to friends and explained why... And they were all really shocked I was still b/f.ing.... He is only 9 months. I (probably naively) thought I should be applauded or sticking at it or so long! It made me wonder afterwards whether i had been feeding him too long, but then I took control of my senses and carried on regardless.

Don't even get me started on sideways comments from MIL!!!!

zipzap · 20/04/2012 22:02

Turn the incredulous looks back on them and say why on earth would I want to do that (ie give up breastfeeding)?

Ask them why they think that you should stop now - 'just because' isn't good enough, they need to give you a reasonable scientific justification as to why, backed up with at least one reference.

Hopefully they won't be able to...

Even if they do, say that you are going instead with the WOrld Health Authority's guidelines to feed for a minimum of 2 years and that is that.

Even if you decide to stop before this, it will be your choice rather than anyone else's.

I fed ds2 until he was almost 3 and found it so much easier than hassling around with milk. Lots of people found it strange but I had lots of support from others including dh.

And try to turn it around in your head - other people are trying to make you feel like a failure - not because you are, but because you are doing something that they either weren't able to do or didn't have the courage of their own convictions to continue and got worn down by advice from other people themselves. The only way they can rationalise and validate what they did is to make you do the same thing that they did. All to stop themselves from feeling a failure, regardless of whether what you are doing is right for you.

You're doing the right thing - just keep on doing it. You'll know when it's the right time for you to stop (and so will your ds and he may well stop himself when he is ready)

And if all else fails, next time anyone asks tell them you are giving him zebra milk. Or boiled snizzleberry milk juice from darkest peru. or a particularly fine vintage burgundy. or alien milk. or liquidized English Breakfast. Or anything else that is really silly and so obviously not true that the conversation will just wildly veer off into something else!

Llareggub · 20/04/2012 22:17

After a while people assume that you cannot possibly be breastfeeding and all mention of it stops. My DS2 is 3 next week and occasionally he wants the odd feed then friends or family or around. Obviously this usually results in a conversation but these are few and far between as now he feeds only in the morning and evening, and when ill. Of course if you become the sort of person who talks about it all the time it might get a reaction, but no more than the reaction someone might get if they go on about trainspotting or something.

TruthSweet · 20/04/2012 22:26

Llareggub - almost everyone assumes DD3 isn't bfing 'still' at 2.6y so they tend to have jaw droppage when they find out DD2 is 'still' bfing ay 4y 4m and even worse my DH is happy about it (he even had a word with me about putting DD2 off a while back as he didn't think it was fair for me to bf DD3 but say no to DD2 at the same time - not that they nurse together but take turns! - as I wasn't planning on weaning DD2 nor had I talked about it with her) cos obviously I am doing it in spite of my DH's strenuous objections

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 20/04/2012 22:36

Ah, no advice, but lots of sympathy. I just stopped talking about breastfeeding, so didn't get bombarded with advice. only recently have I directly volunteered the information that DD1 self weaned during my second pregnancy.

Could you go with the other time honoured technique when dealing with family/friends - medical advice "oh yes, we're still breastfeeding. Medical advice these days says it's the best thing to do if a child has a cow's milk allergy". Not that you need to make excuses, but saying that it's on medical advice does tend to shut people (particularly older people) up. And it's almost true since WHO advice is pretty clearly in support of you regardless of allergy.

Original poster

JumpinJellyBeansOnToast · 20/04/2012 22:41

I dread the questions and never bring bf up myself. Unfortunately with friends and family they have to be made aware that DS can't have dairy otherwise we risk someone feeding him dairy by accident.

Thank goodness DH is supportive (and grateful!) as is my wonderful mum despite having formula fed me herself.

OP posts:

TruthSweet · 20/04/2012 22:44

You could try the 'DS has to have very special milk that's made just for him so he can't have cow's milk or formula' It's true and how do they know it's not made for him in a factory but in your breasts?

Springforward · 20/04/2012 22:57

IME mums who bf beyond the first birthday tend only to talk about it to other mums doing the same. I don't know why, really.

5318008 · 20/04/2012 22:58

AA posted about this today, have a read x

Jojay · 20/04/2012 23:07

I know what you mean. I'm 'still' bfing my twins -shock horror - at 9 months and one of them has a CMP allergy, so we get the questions too.

Not sure what the answer is. Develop a thick skin i reckon

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