Starting to worry about BF

[McKayz]

DC3 is due in 9 weeks and I'm starting to feel pretty nervous about breastfeeding. I never managed to BF DS1 and DS2 was mix fed until 16 weeks and then was FF.

I am desperate to get it right with this baby. I don't have any bottles at all anymore so can't be told by MW to just give bottles.

I've been reading Bestfeeding and the Ina May Gaskin books, I read through threads here and go look on Kellymom.
I was hoping to go to a BF group but haven't been yet as a couple closed down and one has been shut for the Easter school holidays. Hoping to go to one before baby comes just to have a chat.

DS2 was 10lb 5oz and I had an awful MW who said he was too big to BF and I was making his very mild jaundice worse by trying to BF. He ended up with formula top ups as she said he would have to go into hospital and be tube fed

I want to avoid this happening again but have been told that this baby will be on the bigger side of average.

Can anyone just calm me down a bit and give me any tips?

Thank you.

I don't have anything particularly helpful to say really except my ds was 11lbs at birth and I also had a lot if people basically telling me (if not quite in as many words) that I wouldn't be able to bf him and talking about top ups etc. In my opinion it might be a bit harder going with a bigger baby (this is a complete generalisation and won't always apply I'm well aware) because they are a bit hungrier and they do have to work quite hard to get your supply up to what they need it to be so those first few weeks will be tough. But if you're prepared for that and if you're aware that direct feeding is of course the best way for the baby to increase your supply then you can ignore these silly mw's and hv's talking about top-ups (be they formula or ebm). Just trust in your judgement and your body's ability to do exactly what's right for the baby.

I think you need to stop thinking in terms of being successful or failing because straight away you are putting pressure and stress on yourself which you don't need.

It sounds like you are preparing yourself well by getting lots of information together. If you are able to go to a BF group before your baby is born it is a real help because if you do (and there is no guarantee you will) come across some stumbling blocks then it is a lot easier to go there for help rather than going for the first time, iyswim.

My DD is 18lbs and although she is eating some solids, it isn't much and she gets pretty much 90% of her calories from me. I don't think a big baby precludes you from BF at all though is a pretty convenient excuse if you are a HP who doesn't want to help.

There are some fantastic HP out there with good breastfeeding knowledge who will support you with whatever decisions you make. If someone is not being supportive, ask to see someone else.

Good luck and remember that every BF relationship is different and the experience you have had in the past is just making you stronger.

Oh dear, it sounds as though your confidence took a real knock from the MW you saw last time :( She is dead wrong that BF didn't work out because your DS2 was big, so don't worry about the size of your baby.

You are doing all the right things to prepare yourself for BF- arming yourself with accurate info (the sources you listed are fab) and surrounding yourself with people that are supportive and that understand how important BF is to you is absolutely the best thing you can do- you could also store the phone numbers for local BF counsellors and/or national helplines in your mobile to take to hospital with you if you are having a hospital birth.

The other thing you can do is give yourself time, lots of time to sit with your baby and get to know each other. This is a lovely website that shows how skin-to-skin contact can really help with BF.

Best of luck with the birth and don't worry about asking for help with anything, there are loads of ace volunteers that can support you and help you to find information on all kinds of BF topics.

Thank you.

I am feeling panicked about it. DH works away and isn't going to be here for the birth and I feel like I need to have a bit more confidence that I can do this.

Oh that's sad that DH won't be with you. Do you have anyone else that you know that could be a 'breastfeeding buddy'.? Is getting a doula an option for you?

Try not to worry about things, you sound like you've found lots of good info on breastfeeding and you never know how things will go next time round. Some babies just take to it like a duck to water, no sore nipples or anything.

and of course, there's always the very able and willing mumsnetters to get you through any probs that may crop up.

No chance of a doula. We can't really afford it but looked into a few that are nearby and they're booked up. It seems lots of people want jubilee babies

My current MW is brilliant for BF and I think she'll be great but on previous experience of my first 2 they don't send your MW afterwards. It's pot luck who comes on the day.

Sounds like you can't do any more than you are doing - the best thing to do is just chill and take it one step at a time. Surprised about the jaundice comment, my LO developed jaundice at 2 days old and had it for 12 weeks. It was diagnosed as physiologic jaundice, so was just cosmetic but never did they say that breastfeeding was making it worse, they just said that often breastfed babies have it for longer but that it wasn't a danger. If you can find someone who is able to be a good support to you and really understands your desire to bf, I think it would really benefit. I had loads of problems and came close to giving up on many occasions but I was in close contact with the feeding specialist at the hospital who was quite firm in her belief that most problems can be overcome - she was very encouraging and now we are at 15 weeks and going strong! Don't forget, we are all here to help too

The jaundice comment was that feeding got rid of jaundice so if I was feeding him properly then it would be clearing up.

McKayz dont get yourself all worried re bf. I bf my DD1 for 1yr no problems, this time i have had to mix feed my son due to me having problems- you name it i have had it, he was 10 pounds when he was born but i dont think our problems have been anything related to his size. i know of people who successfully BF their babies and were bigger than my DS.

That said, I think you need to have an open mind, and having some bottles around just in case may be an idea. No baby is the same.

Also dont forget there is lots of access to support in community le leche league, lots of helplines but i think one major thing i would rec is staying in hospital after birth even though i didnt second time round because there is someone there to help you latch on your LO- and gives you a break too esp if have 2 other children. Have you got lots of family support?

I'm having a home birth so I won't be able to stay in hospital afterwards.

I'm not too keen on having bottles in the house. That is what happened with DS2. We still had the bottles from DS1 and MW saw them and decided it was ok to make us give top ups. If I don't have bottles then I can't be forced to give formula.

It's very common for baby's to have slight jaundice the best thing to clear it is breastmilk so feeding baby as often as possible including waking for feeds. So sad you had such rubish advice from you last midwife.

As you've been reading Kellymom I'm sure your aware of this now. Also if you need to topup for any reasion using a sterial cup to hand expressing into and a teaspoon to feed baby is all you need so you deffatnly don't need bottles in the house.

Find out if your hospital has an infant feeding co-ordinator and maybe see if you can speck to them before your baby is due.

McKayz if you have a MW who you get on very well with, can you see if she will schedule you in for a visit after the birth? Especially if you explain your worries about BF. Unless they're on leave, then surely they'll need to share out the work that needs doing and if she knows that you'd like her in particular to visit then she may be able to swing that for you.

I would also second seeing if there is an infant feeding co-ordinator at the hospital that you could talk to ante-natally and also that may visit you after the birth.

Cairn that's the problem I've had before. With DS1 my MW broke her ankle the day before he was born. DS2 the MW went on leave the day after he was born. So I got sent a different MW every day who all had different ideas about BF.

AFAIK my MW this time has no leave booked in June except the first week maybe as its half term.

Oh no! So sorry to hear about your previous experiences. Fingers crossed for third time lucky??

I'm inclined to think that having a home birth is a good start to breastfeeding.

If all goes well, you'll be drug free and the baby won't be so sleepy. You won't have any mw timetable to adhere to, so you can just have lots of skin to skin post birth and the checks can be done when you feel ready.

and best of all....you can get in to your own bed and snuggle with your new LO.

I think someone else linked to the biological nurturing site- it makes a lot of sense and eliminates all that forced positioning, boob squeezing and head shoving that some mws feeled compelled to do.

Just to say that I had similar concerns before DC3 who is now nine months old and going strong (bit too strong actually as she is a complete boob monster but that is beside the point).

I had a few horrible moments when mws tried to bully me into ff due to apparent failure to thrive (my milk takes a while to come in so my babies have dropped a bit in the first week). I also had a couple of nasty bouts of mastitis.

BUT, because of all I'd read (like you) and because I knew there was support online (like you), I was able to be strong and get the outcome I wanted.

BTW when I had the mastitis I got a private bf counsellor for one session which was about £50, and then I could contact her for advice if and when I needed. If you run into issues it might be worth doing that as it works out cheaper than a doula or the NCT membership.

Good luck and congratulations on your soon to be here DC3.

Schmee- you can see an NCT BF counsellor for free, you don't have to be a member :) Also LLL, BfN or ABM, they are all volunteers that provide a free service.

have you read 'The Food of Love' by Kate Evans? (let me know if you'd like a copy, I have 2 for some reason! would happily send one your way) it's a lovely book, very supportive, and positive, without being too wordy (has lots of cartoons in it!)

also, the rest of the June thread will be there to offer moral support, even if we are all over the country. you will not be alone :)

things I found useful with DS - find your local bfing groups now. ask the HV or search for La Leche League groups in your area. totally worth going whilst still pg too, to familiarise yourself with them. find helpline numbers too, and write them somewhere prominent. Not NHS24 or whatever it's called, proper helplines like NCT and LLL.

not much longer of this pregnancy thing to get through now! xx

EauRouge - I didn't know that!! Could have saved myself a bob or two

Listen both mine had jaundice and were ebf, it went on longer than if there were bottle but tgat is not unusual, in fact ds had to be taken into hospital because they changed the trigger days. Both were fine and just had what they termed bf jaundice.

Have confidence in your body and know that if you get one hcp who is not supportive then see another. If anyone mentions anything then simply ask how it can be resolved including bf, oh and come and ask here

Kveta That would be lovely thank you. I am so glad that we are nearly at the end of being pregnant. Roll on the June 2012 Post-Natal thread!

I have started leaking which never happened with the boys so maybe this time I won't be told I don't produce milk properly.

Thank you everyone.

Things that will help with feeding is lots of support for entertaining your boys and possibly a stretchy sling wrap if you can master feeding in one. Even if you can't they are invaluable got keeping baby close to you whilst you get on with things so you can still see feeding cues etc.

I was pressured into feeding DS formula by family so those family members didn't get "air" time or told of any difficulties this time round.

Kayz, rememberings your posts from last time I think the only thing you lack is confidence. Dig your heels in against big baby comments and just feed your baby on demand. whenever she fusses, wheveer she sucks her hands, whenever she sticks her tongue out and makes "eh eh" noises latch her on and within a few weeks you will be sorted. Trust your body.

I have a Kari Me sling but haven't worked it out yet. Probably as they aren't meant to be used with a big bump!

The bump does get in the way

Mind you 3 children later I've still not worked out sling feeding. Probably because the boys were/are vomit monsters and hated being in cradle and the girl liked being in cradle but was a nightmare to feed. A sling might make things easier but it isn't vital.