Cutting down night feeds - feel like a horrible mama

[Mombojombo]

Having a little cry:(

For last 2 nights I have been sleeping on the sofa (we live in 1-bed flat so DS doesn't have his own room, and probably wouldn't put him in there yet if he did) trying to reduce ebf DS's dependence on boob to sleep.

In my head I'm a co-sleeping, baby-wearing, lentil weaving attachment parent. In reality, even though I do it quite frequently, don't like cosleeping (but do feed lying down) and can't cope with him nursing every 90 mins on average any more.

He's 7mo. I know this is young.

I couldn't cope with the lack of consistent sleep (he doesn't even comfort suck, he just holds it in his mouth). My health is suffering, mentally and physically. DH and I arrived at the decision to try a gentle weaning process, if that's what it is, but now I'm having terrible trouble with it as I feel neglectful and anxious, think DS is refusing to meet my eye, instantly not as close as we were. I know this is likely nonsense. I wish I were someone who could cope with the lack of sleep...

I know night weaning is a contentious issue. I'm not even sure that's what I'm doing, I'm just trying to get everyone more sleep. Saturday night he only nursed once from 7-7 (at 3am), last night none. DH is doing the settling, and on strict instructions to come and get me if DS is definitely hungry (ie. taking a nose dive towards DH's moobs). He said that DS has been settling quite quickly, not getting terribly upset and to be honest, he seems FINE - no ill effects.

I'm feeling AWFUL.

I took to the sofa, as it's clear that my being there is an all-you-can-eat buffet for DS. And it seems to be 'working'. But I feel like shit. I'm absolutely NOT aiming for no feeds for 12 hours - that seems a ridiculously long time for an ebf baby to go without milk - but that's what he did last night without complaint, and I do know a couple of those rare creatures - ebf babies who do sleep 12 hours - so know it's 'possible'. I feel selfish. I've got the improvements I was hoping for and now feel crappy and emotional.

:(
BF is emotional - an emotiional and physical tie between you and your DC so no wonder you feel like this. I was the same - we weaned at 18-20 months at night as I was pregnant.

You can still cuddle in the day and once your LO is used to no night feeds, you can still resettle him if he wakes at night? He will still love you, boob or no boob, he's not holding it against you I promise! Enjoy the bf cuddles at bedtime and in the day and enjoy your sleep :)

[virtual slap] [virtual shaking of OP by shoulders] get a grip goddam it.
This is not neglect this is a transition in your chids life.
Your child is taking his first steps toward independence and what a clever little boy he is too, taking it all in his stride without fuss.
Give your DH a kiss from me for being so supportive and helpfull during this transitional phase.
Now don't you go and spoil it and feel sorry for him by letting him have a sup, he has clearly demonstrated he does not need a 'boob crutch' or food through the night.
Lie down, stretch out, enjoy your sleep.
Goodnight.

Don't be sad Mombo. I got into this situation with my DD after a trip to Australia left her jet lagged and the only way I could keep her sleeping at night was to co-sleep. She however, thought it was an open bar and fed all night long, leaving me drained (in more ways than one) in the morning. I was so tired and grumpy- I NEED MY SLEEP! It took us about a week of lots of wakings and tears to get her back into her own bed, but we are now back to doing one or two feeds a night with her sleeping in her cot. I feel so much better for getting some sleep and as a result I feel like a better mum. Give it a chance. Once you have had a few nights of proper sleep you will probably see the whole situation differently. Your LO will probably sleep better without the distraction of the boob too.
You sound like a very warm and caring parent, and not co-sleeping certainly does not make you a bad mum.

He He! Think Tread and I are trying to give you the same advice, given from a slightly different angle. I like your straight talking Tread. Next time I am being irrational can I have one of your virtual beatings too?

sending you a hug

DD is 7m too.... and has been weaning since 5m

at 5m she was a nightmare sleeper too... she fed all day and all night, up to 8 boobies in the night.... I was becoming a zombie...

from 5m i had had enough... we sorted it slowly and since 6m old she has mostly done 6.30 / 6.30... im now a month in and have had 1 point where she did 6 days in a row of not even "peeping" all night

I feel so much better for it.... feel like me again

DD is thriving, she has never had formula, and has 4 milks, 3 meals (breakfast and tea contain breast milk) a day and 2 daytime naps and 12 hours sleep at night

those early days are hard, but having made it out the other side it IS worth it

I like the advice from all angles! I'm naturally a rather pragmatic person but am a fierce protector AND gibbering wreck about breastfeeding. Am going to stick to my guns. Will be in bedroom tonight but other side of the bed to normal & wearing earplugs!

nanny how did you go about weaning her off the night feeds? My 6 month old DD goes down at 6pm then has feeds at 10:30 and 3am ish. I think they are just out of habit really and am keen to cut at least one of them out. I thought I would start trying tonight with the 3am one by just cutting her off. Would appreciate some tips. She is ebf, just started blw so isn't eating much and has 2- 3 day time naps.

OlivesTree. I have 3 DC all breastfed and I did not wean any of them until I was confident they were ingesting a big number of calories from solid meals. I had to totally sure it wasn't hunger that was waking them...that's my tip.