Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Ebf at the end of my tether. Thinking of giving up but don't want to :-(

17 replies

melliebobs · 14/04/2012 09:35

Dd is 5wk and 3 days and have ebf from the start. Been pretty plain sailing till a week ago where it has become a constant battle and dd does nothing but cry an I've had enough. So here's the score.

When I feed I have quite a good supply so express a tiny bit to soften things up. I also catch the fastest flowing milk before latching baby on. Then it goes 1 of 2 ways.

  1. eats for 5 mins nods off do I out her down which results in screaming & the cycle continues. Went through this for 4-5 hrs yday
  2. she eats for 20-30 mins but starts throwing herself off. Making herself bright red as if holding her breath, goes rigid arching her back, lashes around, cries and headbutts my boob

She's often sick after a feed, gets bad hiccups, goes rigid and basically cries all the god dam time. She is also a nighymare to wind. I can't put her down even when she's asleep cis within 5 mins shed awake grunting groaning inevitably gets hiccups and starts crying. So I'm not sleeping, don't have time to eat or drink.

HV suggested infacol but it doesn't work

Basically I've had enough and really starting to resent dd. It's not fair when I see my friends with really content happy babies when mine won't even sit down on her own for 5 mins without screaming. I should be enjoying her while she's little but when she cries for 8 hrs a day it's really hard

Any ideas before I completely lose it?

OP posts:
LST · 14/04/2012 09:57

Sad I'm sorry! I don't want to leave your thread unanswered.

I'm sure someone will be along soon with some good advice.

shuckleberryfinn · 14/04/2012 10:00

Is there a breastfeeding support service near you? A drop in, or a baby cafe or any numbers in your baby record book?

I don't know much about this but could she have some kind of reflux?

Perhaps carrying her upright in a sling would calm her some and give you lots of cuddles at the same time?

I hope it improves for you soon and that an expert will be along shortly.

NotQuiteCockney · 14/04/2012 10:00

Ok, there are a couple of things that might be going on here.

Does she only ever feed on one side?

When she finishes a feed, either a fast one or a slow one, a) is it only on one breast, and b) is that breast actually soft then?

Your first problems sounds like she wants to sleep on the boob, and isn't liking being moved. Do you have a sling, so she can feed to sleep and stay there? Or can you just sit with her asleep on you? Not the most fun, but if she's ending up overtired and cranky, that's not fun for anyone. Some mums find that if a baby falls asleep on the boob, if they wait for ten minutes after she falls asleep, they can put the baby down safely, because then she's properly asleep.

If she's throwing herself off the boob, what happens if you offer the other breast?

It does sound as if you may have oversupply, in which case block feeding may help.

melliebobs · 14/04/2012 10:47

I went to my local bf support. They were helpful to a point but didn't tell me N e thing new. Ie strip her to her nappy for a feed. Massage her hand etc

When I feed her we just use one boob and then use the other side for the next feed. At the end of a feed it does go soft like its been emptied. However the other day shed gone for 40 mins n started the thrashing around. So cos it was the evening we had a quick wash n got her changed n offered the other side. But she wouldn't take it. Just more histerics n boob bashing

I will be getting a sling but don't know what kind. There is a sling meet near me but it's only on at term time. So cos of the Easter holidays an cos I had a emsc I can't drive just yet so it's been longer than I planned to get up there

Also what is bloc feeding?

OP posts:
tinysleepy · 14/04/2012 10:58

Hi Melliebobs

Well done for keeping up the BFing - If my experiences are anything to go by, your DS might have reflux.

My DS used to scream with pain and did the thrashing/arching back. Ignored idiot HV who said BF babies don't get reflux and gave him little bit of infant Gaviscon only once a day after a feed mixed in a little cooled boiled water via a tiny oral syringe (get them from chemist).

He only needed it for first 10 weeks or so and whilst it was a faff, it really helped him calm down on the breast. He got a bit constipated on gaviscon so sometimes gave him tiny bit of extra cooled boiled water and that got him sorted.

My DS was a horror at coming of the breast and always, always wanted to comfort suck for hours after a feed. Honestly in the early months he was barely off the breast. All my relatives used to say - are you feeding him AGAIN!? To which they were told to fuck off.

Anyway I think some breastfed babies just love the booby so much they use it as a dummy. Have you thought about offering her a dummy if she is a sucky baby? Some people have found it helps the reflux too.

My DS is now 18 months and still breastfeeding like a champ. He loves it, I love it and the dark, early days are now a distant memory. Keep going, as BF settles it becomes the most wonderful thing (in my experience, not everyone's!)

Sorry about the long post...

tinysleepy · 14/04/2012 10:59

Oh, I meant to say, Infacol is crap. chuck it in the bin :o

tinysleepy · 14/04/2012 11:03

I swear I won't post anymore after this one, but just to say if you got her into a moby sling (stretchy, easy to put on) it would keep her upright after a feed and help the reflux enormously. I would walk and wind for a long time after feeds because I hadn't discovered slings :(
Right, I am shushing up now!

organiccarrotcake · 14/04/2012 11:46

There are a number of things that could be happening here and ideally it would be good to have someone there to work through it because while the answers here include things it COULD be, and fit the symptoms, it could be any of them or more and you may end up feeling like you're going round in circles.

Firstly, this behaviour is quite normal even though it's very upsetting. But that doesn't mean it can't be improved. It sounds like there's a good chance that your little girl needs to be near you and held a lot, and therefore a sling would be a great idea. As tiny says, a Moby is a good sling (or any stretchy sling) for keeping her close to you. They take a bit of practise though, and you'll probably need someone to show you how to use it, especially if you want to BF in it. They are BRILLIANT though with a high needs baby. I also find a well fitting pouch to be another useful sling and easier to BF in than a stretchy. I use both with my newborns, the pouch for quick pops in and out and easy BFing and the stretchy sling for carrying all day.

Infant Gaviscon would be the absolute last chance saloon for me. In some babies, the top stomach valve is not matured enough and it causes the baby to reflux - bring up milk and stomach fluids - which can show as the symptoms you describe, together sometimes, with severe vomiting, sometimes non at all. Infant Gaviscon thickens milk and helps to keep it inside the stomach, but, it has its side effects such as constipation and it's also high in salt. Medicating at this stage would not be my first choice. Giving water can cause problems with the gut so constipation is really to be avoided.

The problem is far more likely to be due to your fast milk flow. But, block feeding to reduce your milk supply before this is confirmed could lead you down the route of lowered milk supply so I'd want to work through a few other things first. For example, food intolerance, tongue tie, disorganised suck. Your CS rings bells to me as there's a higher risk of birth trauma. Just being pulled out via CS is more physically traumatic than non-trauma vaginal delivery. Did they try anything else first? Was it a long labour? All these things can contribute to minor birth injuries which take time to heal but can cause great distress in a small baby as well as feeding problems. A trip to a good cranial osteopath may help.

Infacol works by making big bubbles of air in the stomach into small bubbles which are easier to pass. If it's not helping then it's not a wind problem so that's not the solution.

My point is that there are so many possible reasons for these symptoms that while there are some really good ideas here, trying one after another will drive you nuts and if several things are happening at once it's even worse. If the local BFing support people don't know enough to work through these things with you, try a search for La Leche League and see if they have a "leader" nearby, or the NCT, Association of Breastfeeding Mothers (ABM) or Breastfeeding Network (BfN) may have a breastfeeding counsellor nearby who can come to see you. They are all properly qualified.

There WILL be a solution, and I am very happy to talk to you by PM if you want to go into more detail/chat on the phone.

ipswichwitch · 14/04/2012 12:01

i would def try the breastfeeding support groups mentioned before, maybe call local sure start centre to see if they run group from there (they do where we live). does sound to me like wind is a real problem. i've got fast let down and DS would struggle to keep up, take in loads of wind, start screaming, couldnt burp him and this would go on for hours. tried every otc med (infacol, etc) and they did work for a little while then stopped. it has got better as time goes on, he can cope better with fast flow, and he is easier to wind now he's older.
did ask hv about possibility of reflux and she looked at me like i was mental. am wondering if emcs has anything to do with it...DS was delivered that way and 6 weeks prem. makes me wonder.
i've raised the top end of his cot, so he's not completely flat and that seems to help (he would fall asleep in my arms but wake and start thrashing about the min i put him down) so that may be worth a try.
hope things improve, i know its a misery when your baby is the one screaming and everyone elses is all smiles. just know you're not the only one!

notjustamummythankyou · 14/04/2012 13:48

OP, I feel your (and your baby's) pain.

I'm having a very similar experience with my 7wo dd. I too have a fast letdown and wondered if that had something to do with all the coughing, spluttering, vomiting, hiccups and general fussiness.

I have nothing to add to the advice already given (very helpful to me too!), but really hope it improves for you both soon.

melliebobs · 16/04/2012 20:51

Sorry I didn't reply to all your helpful posts but not had chance to get a computer and it was hard work on my phone
organic my baby was 17 days late, gone in to be induced but was already in labour. Waters broke at hospital but had meconium in them. Laboured in hospital for 8 hrs but my heart rate kept increasing and babies was dropping so emsc under ga it was Sad

Anyway since Saturday we have got for dd a very upright bouncer. So I can put her down for a bit. She is a bit needy but this helps.

Today I have been to a long meet an have a Close Baby Carrier on loan for the week

I have also been to the drs cos she has been vomiting a lot of acidic sick during and after every feed. Dr first said reflux and have me a prescription for baby gaviscon but then when the dr went to double check with his superior he said colic and given me a prescription for Colief. Gonna be a right faff to administer but fingers crossed its a solution

OP posts:
Midori1999 · 16/04/2012 21:15

I don't know if this will help at all, but my DD was very, very similar for around 3 months. She didn't vomit much, but when she did it was huge amounts of projectile. the HV suggested infacol (well, and boiled onion water! Hmm ) and then suggested that the next step would be to investigate reflux. I couldn't put her down in her bouncer, I couldn't even go for a walk with her in her pram. In fact, I posted about that here at the time. Smile Someone had to be holding her at all times and I lost huge amounts of weight as I couldn't eat, could barely shower etc. I did have oversupply, but block feeding didn't help.

After having three FF babies that barely made a peep and slept like a dream, I was a bit shocked to say the least! I'd thought I had this mothering lark down to a T. Blush

I did get a moby wrap and that really, really helped. Other than that, it just got better. she gradually got more independant, first of all I could pop her in her bouncy chair for short periods of tiem, then in her pram for walks, then on her playmat on the floor. I did hold her for naps during the day until around 7 months, but she did start to slowly sleep in her crib at night some of the time until then, the rest of the time we co-slept. All of this happened at around 3 months.

I kept asking myself, what if i changed to FF and she was still the same? Then how would I feel? Nothing wrong with FF of course, but after not BF my first three, I really wanted this to work.

Now DD is 10 months and BF her is wonderful!

melliebobs · 16/04/2012 22:24

It's good to hear a positive outcome midori I know a small part of it is her being a bit needy. But who can blame her she was in my comfy run for 9 months Smile in that respect I'm treating her like I did my puppy. Very small bouts in her chair (5mins or so) showing I come back and lots of cuddles when I do!

Just the feeding that got to me. I cant bear hearing her scream and writhe around when she's eating and the good hr afterwardsSad only had the sling today and that has really helped and dh is itching to have a go with it! And we've used the Colief on 2 feeds today and although there was some vom there was a lot less and less acidic. But still early doors.

OP posts:
zgaze · 16/04/2012 22:34

If you get on with your on-loan Close sling I have a spare one you can have for as long as you need, I keep meaning to put it on eBay but never get round to it! PM me your address and I'll happily send it to you.

melliebobs · 19/04/2012 10:12

Thanks zgaze. I've messaged u my details Smile

OP posts:
whenwill · 19/04/2012 13:42

I just posted about my experience of relux with grunting, vomit etc. on other thread just now. May be slightly overeating if sucking for comfort and you have lots of flow/milk that needs swallowing and then vomit. Would be worse for reflux baby. Seemed most content in bed when mildly hungry i.e. empty tummy. How can GP think vomit is colic though...
Also only thing that worked after eating was very upright bouncer (not curling tummy one) and sling that held her straight legs and back not rounded like the ones that are good for spine unfortunately. Also had the the stiff, red face, head butting thing. Sometimes was overtiredness. Watch for the first/second yawn and to sleep with her!

melliebobs · 19/04/2012 15:40

I was a bit confused when he said colic. But when the HV explained it colic can be a result of dd not being able to break down the lactose in her milk & the Colief we've been given helps her do that. So far it seems to b helping but I think she's got a bit of reflux tbh do still taking measured to keep her nice n upright after a feed

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page