Extenders BFers, help me! It's doing my head in!

[blackcurrants]

I don't want to wean my 20 month old but breastfeeding him is driving me NUTS! He wants to feed EVERY time I sit down, and basically his idea of a the good life is for him to loll around, boob-in-hand, watching TV or reading a story, while having a quick feed as-and-when he fancies.
ARGH! I can't even get a cuddle when I come in from work at the moment, without him pestering me for a feed.

I love his bedtime and wakeup feeds, but I am getting SO tired of the incessant demands. He didn't use to be like this, we were down to 2 feeds a day 3 months ago. If I refuse him a feed it's an all-out tantrum, then I feel awful. Do I just need to toughen up and say: No, that's for bedtime - or should I go ahead and stop completely, to be less confusing? I had expected he'd self-wean in the next year but if anything he's getting more keen!

Help please!

but but BUT I need to put my bum on the sofa and MN read improving literature!

Sigh. Ok, time to institute a 'only at bedtime' rule, and tough out the tantrums. I miss just snuggling up and hanging out. [whiine]

You could have a 'bfing chair' so say you won't bf if you are sitting on the sofa but will if you are sitting in the chair. You may find yourself towed along to the chair at times though but it might help cut down on the demands.

Or you could go the other way and offer bfs all the time until he gets his fill - this might work if he is asking for bfs for reassurance.

Agree with Truth. Mine used to pester me if I sat in the place they associated with having a bf, so I sat somewhere else. It did help. Tanking him up with lots of feeds does sound like a good idea too.

We went down to morning and evening feeds when our DC1 was a similar age but I think it just caused reverse cycling.

I'll think about where I sit more carefully - certainly I have been towed towards his bedroom with cries of "NAPTIME! Lie DOWN!" when he wasn't interested in either napping or lying down, but did fancy a feed....

It might be reassurance, he's also basically exploding the talking from a few words to EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME, so perhaps it's developmental. Whatever it is, it's making me very grumpy and starting to make DH . He's always supported me BFing for as long as I want, but DS's obsession keeps ruining things. Like, if DH and DS are on the floor, playing, and I walk in, DS drops the toy, then starts wailing and demanding a feed. I can't even play with him any more!

The thing is if you stop bfing will it be any different? Or will the focus still be on you but instead of demands for nursing, it's demands for cuddles, or to be carried or whatever thing that only the deviously clever mind of a toddler can think up.......

A friend of mine brought her then nearly 3y to stay when DD1 was about 8m old (I knew then I wanted to do child-led weaning with her and had discussed it with DH). Her DD was anxious and kept asking for hugs through out the stay. I remember turning to DH and saying - if she was bf now she would be asking for bfs not cuddles but the need for reassurance would still be the same - the method of comfort would be different though.

that is worth thinking about Truth - it might be that the behaviour wouldn't change even if he wasn't pestering me for a feed. Heh, it's possibly because I feel such an outlier for 'still' breastfeeding him that I fixate on the BFing as the problem, rather than his stage/age/whatever.

Could well be developmental - DS and loads of other children I know do this when working on a new leap, then it calms down again.

'The mother of all developmental leaps' happens between 18 and 21 months, when your baby turns into a toddler. You can read about it here. It does get better, honest. :)

I agree with Truth - stopping bf will probably mean you have to spend a similar amount of time offering an equivalent level of attention / reassurance. If it's the bf that's annoying you, fair enough, but if you're just wanting to be left alone, weaning is unlikely to work.

Hello Angel - that is a very handy link, thank you. I've just sent it to DH.

DS is sweetness and light most of the time, he really is. This is just grinding me down but I think I am ready to set a few more boundries and move from "I will respond instantly to my crying infant!" to "DS can cry with frustration for a few minutes because I (eg) removed the knife from his reach. That's okay, he's allowed to feel his feelings."
It's odd moving from one hippydippy stage, where you respond to every cry and soothe it at once, to another hippydippy stage, where you 'let them express frustration' (eg, ignore!). I keep forgetting that it's ok if he cries, but he still can't have the bloody knife back! :)

I suspect it may be simpler to give in to feeding as soon as you get in, but a firm time limit.
Right now Mummy has to cook, read the paper, drink this hot cup of tea and you have to go play. Be firm.

The other thing that might work is to offer him a snack or a drink so his hands are too full for shirt lifting.

DD2 would drink weak sugar free squash in the middle of the night, as mean Mummy refused to feed her.

Thanks Star, I will give it a go. DS has been refused night feeds since he was ONE by his mean mean totally exhausted by waking up 4 times a night and working full time mother. DH went in with a cup of water for a bit, then DS realised there was nothing tasty on offer, and basically went to sleep! :)

I think this is getting on top of me because I'm so blardy knackered at the moment. DS started a new room in nursery this week, and their naptimes are 1-3, not 11.30-1.30. So DS is not NOT tired at his 7pm bedtime, but finally going to sleep around 8pm and then obviously very overtired and waking at around 4.30am. I've done two days of getting up at 4.30am and last night I was working till 10pm on my dissertation and basically I am so tired right now (7.30am) after another 4.30am start I want to cry. DH is doing tomorrow morning, that's for sure!
I don't know what to do about it. DS's sleep patterns are clearly changing but I don't know how to accomodate it, we are trying to push him to sleep later in the mornings, because he can't possibly be healthy on only 8 hours sleep overnight - but we just don't know how to make it happen. And we're all cross and tired and desperate. I'm sure this is making him want to feed more, and making any supply I have considerably less - but he was doing this before the change on Monday, too, so it's not just this....

Limits! That's the trick. I will do limits. and oh god I need a cup of